Jokes *May Offend*

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22/06/2023, 10:15 AM Syklone - ..... hi

18/02/2023, 07:10 PM Damit - https://discord.gg/fYqDFYx

18/02/2023, 07:09 PM Damit - join us on Discord https://discord.com/inv... ite/fYqDFYx

29/11/2022, 12:19 PM BoHiCa - YESSSSSS

26/10/2022, 04:27 PM Victor9-5 - yooooooooooooo!

21/05/2021, 06:19 AM DonutKing - First post

28/08/2020, 08:39 AM Damit - its because we are all on discord now mrx

29/07/2020, 07:42 PM MrX - Its a bit dead round here

29/07/2020, 07:42 PM MrX - Anybody playing COD 

26/03/2020, 10:52 AM Epsoma - Hey Team. Locked down in self isolation. Hope you all are good.

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[Damit]

Ok post all your jokes here  :dthumbup:

[Ametros]

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me

Nice. 

[SolidSmiddi]

(1) I'm living next door to a Lebanese couple at the moment. They have three little kids and they've challenged me to a water fight in the back yard, so I'm just writing to you while I'm waiting for the kettle to boil....

(2) Can you spare just $2? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia . He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video - its fucking hilarious.
 
(3) I've caught a stray parrot in my garden. All he says is, "good morning you ugly prick?" It's not yours is it?
 
(4) I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for donations. Just had one from the sperm bank. Boy, did I give her a mouthful.
 
(5) Been to the optometrist today - he told me I was color blind. I'm fuckin' worried now that some of my buddies could be black. If you are, can you delete my e-mail address?
 
(7) There's a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market: Trycoxagain.
 
( I failed my biology exam today. I was asked to name 2 things commonly found in cells. Apparently, Mexicans and black rapists is not the correct answer.

.

[BoHiCa]

<iframe width="854" height="480" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/Z-4o16Vq06g?fs=1&start=" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Part 2

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[Chalice]

Courtesy of Raistlin

PROUD TO BE AN AUSSIE

"Hello, Police?"

"Yes. How can we help you?"

"I'm calling about my neighbour, Wazza.  He's hiding cocaine inside his firewood!"

"Thank you very much for your call"

The next day, police officers descend on Wazza's house in great numbers.  They search the house and then go out to the shed where the firewood is kept.  Using axes, they bust open every piece of of firewood but they find no cocaine.  They swear at Wazza, then leave.

The phone rings at Wazza's house.
"Hey Wazza, did the cops come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop up all your firewood for you?"

"Yep."

"Happy Birthday, mate".

[Chalice]

After both suffering depression for awhile me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday.  But strangely enough, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better, so I thought fuck it, soldier on...!

[Ice]

After both suffering depression for awhile me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday.  But strangely enough, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better, so I thought fuck it, soldier on...!

hahaha!

[KARNAGE]

The Queensland premier is female
The NSW premier is female
The Tasmanian premier is female
The prime minister is female
The Governor-General is female

with a country ruled by women it's no surprise we flood monthly and go off like a cyclone for no reason.

[Sillen]

The Queensland premier is female
The NSW premier is female
The Tasmanian premier is female
The prime minister is female
The Governor-General is female

with a country ruled by women it's no surprise we flood monthly and go off like a cyclone for no reason.

Bohica had that in the shoutbox the other week.

An amateur researcher in Southern Queensland, discovered that Prime
Minister Kevin Rudd great-great uncle, Remus Rudd, was hanged for
horse stealing and train robbery in Melbourne in 1889. He found a
photograph=C2=A0of Remus standing on the gallows at the Melbourne Jail: On
the back of the picture is the inscription: 'Remus Rudd horse thief,
sent to Melbourne Jail 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the
Melbourne-Geelong train six times. Caught by Victoria Police,
convicted and hanged in 1889.'



The researcher emailed Prime Minister Rudd for any information about
his great-great uncle.



Kevin Rudd's office sent back the following biographical information
"Remus Rudd was famous in Victoria during the mid to late 1800s . His
business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian
assets and he had dealings with the Melbourne-Geelong Railroad.
Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government
service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the
railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation by the
Victoria Police. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic
function held in his honour when the platform upon which he was
standing collapsed."

[KARNAGE]

An Aussie and American

An aussie and an American are in a bar. while the aussie is talking to the bartender the american comes from behind and hits him
"what the hell? you want to start something?" said the aussie
"nah, that was a karate chop from China" (American)
"alright then"

The Aussie went back to talking and 5 minutes later the American hit him again
Aussie "what, do you want to fight?"
American "no, that was a karate chop from Japan"
Aussie "fair enough"

the aussie then says "I'm going out for a smoke" so the American starts talking to the bartender

after 10 minutes the aussie comes back and the American is talking to the bartender and the aussie whacks him over the head and knocked the American out

the aussie said "tell him that was a crowbar from Bunnings"

[DonutKing]

A woman goes to a bar covered in bruises.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his drunken stupor."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"

[evilmikk]

Question. How Much Cocaine does Charlie Sheen Use.     Answer. Enough To Kill Two And A Half Men                                                          

[DonutKing]

I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we lay making love, I thought “These taser guns are well worth the money.”

[KARNAGE]

My girlfriend thinks I'm a pedophile, but what would she know? she's only 6

[Noraa78]

A bloke was sitting at home on the verandah with his wife and he says, "I love   
 you."                                                                     
                                                                           
                                                                           
 She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"                               
                                                                           
                                                                           
 He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer."                   

[Mummbles]

whats wrong with 27 year olds?







there's only 20 of them!