Jokes *May Offend*

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22/06/2023, 10:15 AM Syklone - ..... hi

18/02/2023, 07:10 PM Damit - https://discord.gg/fYqDFYx

18/02/2023, 07:09 PM Damit - join us on Discord https://discord.com/inv... ite/fYqDFYx

29/11/2022, 12:19 PM BoHiCa - YESSSSSS

26/10/2022, 04:27 PM Victor9-5 - yooooooooooooo!

21/05/2021, 06:19 AM DonutKing - First post

28/08/2020, 08:39 AM Damit - its because we are all on discord now mrx

29/07/2020, 07:42 PM MrX - Its a bit dead round here

29/07/2020, 07:42 PM MrX - Anybody playing COD 

26/03/2020, 10:52 AM Epsoma - Hey Team. Locked down in self isolation. Hope you all are good.

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[Damit]

Ok post all your jokes here  :dthumbup:

[reggie]

Roses are red
Lemons are sour
open your legs
and give me an hour
(one of my favourites)


A farmer from way out country australia is feeling rather sick so he drives up to his closest doctor (a minimum 3 hour drive) and when he finally gets there he tells the doctor how he's feeling

the doctor gets out a hemaroid (pill that works through the anus) and he says "for 2 weeks put this up your back passage 3 times a week"

the farmer comes back angrily at the end of the 2 weeks and says "I put them on my back porch every time and it did nothing, for all the good it did me I might as well have stuck it up my ass!"

LOL also the joke was alright i guess

[cryptochild4]

Roses are red
Lemons are sour
open your legs
and give me an hour
(one of my favourites)


A farmer from way out country australia is feeling rather sick so he drives up to his closest doctor (a minimum 3 hour drive) and when he finally gets there he tells the doctor how he's feeling

the doctor gets out a hemaroid (pill that works through the anus) and he says "for 2 weeks put this up your back passage 3 times a week"

the farmer comes back angrily at the end of the 2 weeks and says "I put them on my back porch every time and it did nothing, for all the good it did me I might as well have stuck it up my ass!"

by hemaroid i think you mean suppository, as a hermaroid is swolen veins around your ass hole that make wiping and sitting very painful and difficult

[KARNAGE]

yeah, I wasn't quite sure what it was and I remember a hemaroid being something to do with medicine and the ass so i picked that.

[KARNAGE]

A guy went into a brothel and wanted a 69

he went up to a woman that worked there and said "I want a 69, but ya know, I've never had one" the woman said "Don't worry, I'll do it all" so she took him up to a room and they started doing it.

during it the woman farts, really badly, the guy says "phoah, what the fuck?!"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it wont happen again"
"alright"

so they get back to doing it.
part way through she farts again
"you dirty bitch!"
"I'm sorry, I promise it wont happen again, just lay back and relax"

so they go on again

now she lays a really sloppy one on him
he says "that's it, I'm gone"
"wait, it's alright"
"no, if you think I'm going through another 66 of those you can forget it"

[DonutKing]

karnage, make like your motherboard and stop posting





just kidding you're alright that joke however...

[KARNAGE]

fine then, it's time for bad uncle jokes (the jokes funnier verbally)

What do you call a guy with a spade on his head?
Doug.

What do you call a guy without a spade on his head?
Douglas

What do you call a guy in the bushes?
Russel

What do you call a guy underground?
Warren.


I learnt those all on christmas

oh, and

How can you tell if it's really cold outside?

a lawyer has his hands in his own pockets.

also, a scientist went to a human parts shop and tried to obtain a brain for research. he asks how much they are

"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"

"Three dollars an ounce."

"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"

"Four dollars an ounce."

"How much for lawyer brain?"

"$1,000 an ounce."

"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"

"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

[Alucard]

karnage, make like your motherboard and stop posting

lol +1

[SolidSmiddi]

What do you call a guy with 100 rabbits up his arse?
Warren.

What do you call a guy lying flat at your doorstep?
Matt.

What do you call a guy in a pile of leaves?
Russell.

What do you call a guy with arms and legs tied in the ocean?
Bob.

What do you call a girl with one leg shorter that the other?
Ilene.

**************************************

What did Tarzan say when he saw a huge heard or elephants coming over the hill?
"The elephants are coming over the hill"


What did Tarzan say when he saw a huge heard or elephants coming over the hill and they all had sunglasses on?
He didnt say anything, he didn't recognize them.

.

[bageled]

smiddi they sound like christmas cracker jokes to me

[bageled]

I walked past an abo sitting on the ground this arvo, & he said, "Any change
mate"?
 
I said no, you're still black.
_____________________________ _____________________________ _ _


I've just been banned from a Muslim clothes shop.

I only asked for a bomber jacket.

Touchy bastards.
_____________________________ _____________________________ _ ___
 

I'm going to KFC for the Julia Gillard Meal deal tonight

2 small breasts, 2 large thighs, & a big red box.
_____________________________ _____________________________ _ ____
 

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army Soup Kitchen.
 
All I said was, "will you bastards hurry up, some of us have a home to go
to".
_____________________________ _____________________________ _ _________________


I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night. He hypnotized 7 blokes then
dropped the mike on his foot & said "Fuck me".
 
What happened next will haunt me forever.

[Sillen]

Stolen from OCAU

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brit's, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British".

One week later, the state’s Dept of Minerals and Energy in Western Australia , reported the following:

"After digging as deep as 30 feet in Western Australia's Pilbara region, Jack Lucknow, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely fuck all. Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already gone wireless."

Just makes you bloody proud to be Australian.


Greenie Revenge

The chief woman “Greenie Tree-Hugging Activist”, who was responsible for getting horses banned from National parks and State forests, was climbing a tree to have a look out over the forest when a Tawny Frogmouth Owl attacked her for invading its nesting site.

In a panic to escape, she slid down the tree, getting a great number of splinters lodged in her crotch area. In considerable pain she hurried to the nearest doctor, told him she was an environmentalist and how she got all the splinters.

The doctor listened with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She waited for3 hours before the doctor reappeared. Angry, the woman demanded, “What took you so long?”

“Well...” replied the doctor, “I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency; the Forestry Service; the National Parks and Wildlife Service; the Wilderness Society and the Department of Conservation and Land Management before I could remove “old growth timber” from a “recreational area” . . . I’m sorry but they all turned me down.”

[BoHiCa]

Blame it on the rain.......

I know i feel guilty by posting but you gotta love australian humor

Chal Kylie doesnt own a set of these does she

[Chalice]

LOL not yet she doesn't...you're dead right, how Aussie is that!!!

[KARNAGE]

the funny thing is they're real too, I've seen them for sale on ebay (australia) and tradingpost. I hear the shops that sell them are only in Queensland though, I guess they need them

[DonutKing]

Whats a Jew's worst dilemma?
Free Ham.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me

My wife being unhappy with my mood swings brought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood. We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead.


Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you fucker!" He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse, but you said, 'fuck off it'll be too painful.'"


The local police had an article in the paper about how they were looking for a rapist. I called them up but apparently its not a job.