These took a while to write out
Please enjoy
One night a father overheard his son saying his prayers.
'God bless mum' Prayed the boy, 'And bless dad and gran also.
But good bye grandad and rest in peace.' The father thought the last bit of his prayer was strange, but soon forgot about it. The enxt day the grandfather died.
About a month later the father again overheard his sons prayers. 'God bless mum and dad,' the boy prayed. 'Nut, goodbye grandma and rest in peace.'
The next day the grandmother died. The father began to worry about the situation. Two weeks later, the father again heard his son praying.
'God bless mum,' the boy prayed. 'But goodbye dad and rest in peace.'
This alone almost gave him a heart attack, so the next morning without saying a thing, the father got up early and went to work. He stayed in his office all day.
Finally after midnight he went home. 'Im still alive!' he congratulated himself. He crawled into bed with his wife and apologized for being late.
'I had a really bad day' He moaned
'You had a bad day?' his missus yelled 'The postman dropped dead on our veranda this morning!'
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctors office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
he said, 'your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you dont want him to die, each morning fix him with a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, make love with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for about a year he should regain his health completely.'
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, 'What did the doctor say?'
'Your going to die,' she replied
An Australian man was having coffee, croissants with butter and jam in a cafe, when an american tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.
The australian politely ignored the american who, nevertheless, started up a convisation. The american snapped the gum in his mouth and said 'Do you folks eat the whole loaf?'
The australian frowned annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, 'Yeah of coarse we do.'
The American blew a huge bubble and said
'In the states we only eat whats inside. The crusts we collect, put them into a container transform them into croissants and send them to Australia.'
The american had a smirk on his face, The australian listened in silence. The american persisted.
'do ya eat jam with the bread?'
Sighing the Australian replied , 'Yes'
The American then replied 'WE dont, in the states we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, we collect all the peels, seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to australia.
The australian then asked
'Do you have sex in the states?'
The american smiled and said 'Yeah of coarse we do'
The Australian leant closer to ask him 'What do you do with the condoms once you have finished?'
'We throw them away of coarse' The american replied Now it was the australians turn to smile.
'We dont. In australia, we put them in containers, recycle them, melt them down to chewing gun and send them off to the states.....Thats why its called wrigley's!'
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