Damit
Getting In there and getting Messy
Clan Captain
Karma: 344
Posts: 6550
Why Are You Reading This!!!
|
 |
« on: 07/07/2007, 08:31 PM » |
|
Ok post all your jokes here :dthumbup:
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
 “You have got to help me. She is trying to kill me with sex. I cannot get out - and I cannot go on!” |
|
|
| |
|
Raistlin
Guest
|
|
« Reply #286 on: 14/08/2010, 01:45 PM » |
|
If FaceBook and My Space combined people would be saying "come on My Face"
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Raistlin
Guest
|
|
« Reply #287 on: 15/08/2010, 11:58 AM » |
|
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.
The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."
The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "
The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"
|
|
|
|
« Last Edit: 15/08/2010, 12:04 PM by Raistlin »
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Neji
Karma: 4
Posts: 240
Sometimes you just gotta slum it.
|
|
« Reply #288 on: 15/08/2010, 12:07 PM » |
|
LOL. That's disgusting.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Raistlin
Guest
|
|
« Reply #289 on: 15/08/2010, 12:22 PM » |
|
Two cowboys were sitting in a bar when one asked his friend if he had heard of the new sex position called rodeo. His friend says no, what is it?
Well you mount your wife from the back, reach around and cup her breasts with both hands.
Then say, "Boy, those are almost as nice as your sisters".
Then see if you can hold on for 8 seconds.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
cryptochild4
Member
Karma: 52
Posts: 813
I am a very large potato
|
|
« Reply #290 on: 15/08/2010, 12:36 PM » |
|
ever done it raistlin?? if they don't have a sister you can use mum or best friends name for effect
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Raistlin
Guest
|
|
« Reply #291 on: 15/08/2010, 12:37 PM » |
|
My record is 4 seconds
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Virgil83
Clan Vice-Captain
Karma: 271
Posts: 1458
Have you READ the DI Forums!?!
|
|
« Reply #292 on: 16/08/2010, 08:04 AM » |
|
My record is 4 seconds
I hear that the Advanced Medical Institute has this nasal spray product that helps you last longer... maybe you should look into that  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
DonutKing
AWARDED - MR DEATH INC 2010 - FOR GAYEST PICTURE IN A THREAD
Legacy Veteran
Karma: 503
Posts: 4229
I could fit two of you in my jeans. Idiot.
|
|
« Reply #293 on: 16/08/2010, 08:29 AM » |
|
It doesn't really work that well
uh, so I heard
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Raistlin
Guest
|
|
« Reply #294 on: 16/08/2010, 10:29 AM » |
|
Virgil you missed the point, it's on the rodeo where my record stands not on the time it takes me to finish. You should try it.... Take your partner from behind, grab her breasts and tell her her sisters (or mums which ever you prever) are nicer and time how long you can stay on for.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Chalice
Clan Mascot
Karma: 584
Posts: 7404
|
|
« Reply #295 on: 16/08/2010, 11:03 AM » |
|
mines 9 min 30sec ...the time does count if they're unconcious right?
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
 Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you? |
|
|
|
Raistlin
Guest
|
|
« Reply #296 on: 16/08/2010, 11:11 AM » |
|
Yeah right, as if anyone would believe you can last 9 minutes chal
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Chalice
Clan Mascot
Karma: 584
Posts: 7404
|
|
« Reply #297 on: 16/08/2010, 11:14 AM » |
|
Yeah right, as if anyone would believe you can last 9 minutes chal
Nah..thats just when she she woke up...I went longer but it was difficult as she started to struggle and bite. Its amazing how hard Dex's mum can buck & bite  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you? |
|
|
Virgil83
Clan Vice-Captain
Karma: 271
Posts: 1458
Have you READ the DI Forums!?!
|
|
« Reply #298 on: 16/08/2010, 01:29 PM » |
|
Well she does tend to lose her inhibitions after a few tumblers of scotch... Chal...
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Chalice
Clan Mascot
Karma: 584
Posts: 7404
|
|
« Reply #299 on: 16/08/2010, 01:39 PM » |
|
Well she does tend to lose her inhibitions after a few tumblers of scotch... Chal...
Or a quick smack across the mouth...she likes it rough p.s. Soz Dex & mumma Dex...love you |
|
|
|
« Last Edit: 16/08/2010, 01:42 PM by Chalice »
|
Logged
|
Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you? |
|
|
Damit
Getting In there and getting Messy
Clan Captain
Karma: 344
Posts: 6550
Why Are You Reading This!!!
|
|
« Reply #300 on: 19/08/2010, 06:34 PM » |
|
If you need cheering up, watch your wedding video in reverse. It starts out with you getting laid, then you have a great night and sober up without a hangover. The end is the best bit, you take off your wedding ring, go back down the isle, jump in your car and fk off with your mates to get hammered again.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
“You have got to help me. She is trying to kill me with sex. I cannot get out - and I cannot go on!” |
|
|
|
Downloads