Jokes *May Offend*

[Guest]

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever

Login with username, password and session length

22/06/2023, 10:15 AM Syklone - ..... hi

18/02/2023, 07:10 PM Damit - https://discord.gg/fYqDFYx

18/02/2023, 07:09 PM Damit - join us on Discord https://discord.com/inv... ite/fYqDFYx

29/11/2022, 12:19 PM BoHiCa - YESSSSSS

26/10/2022, 04:27 PM Victor9-5 - yooooooooooooo!

21/05/2021, 06:19 AM DonutKing - First post

28/08/2020, 08:39 AM Damit - its because we are all on discord now mrx

29/07/2020, 07:42 PM MrX - Its a bit dead round here

29/07/2020, 07:42 PM MrX - Anybody playing COD 

26/03/2020, 10:52 AM Epsoma - Hey Team. Locked down in self isolation. Hope you all are good.

View All

[Damit]

Ok post all your jokes here  :dthumbup:

[Project Alpha]

rofl i was going to say big bang theory Jstar

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing you have already told her twice.

How do you know your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Why do women have small feet?
They can stand closer to the sink.

Why don't women need a drivers license?
There is no road between the kitchen and the laundry.

What did you do if your wife is standing in the lounge room nagging at you?
Made the chain to long.

I told the missus never look away when giving me a blowjob... but it goes in one ear and out the other.

Carl Williams Dad visited him in jail earlier this month and says jeez Carl your getting fat an exercise bike wouldn't kill you.

Alice Springs police arrested 4 aboriginal terrorists, bin bludgin, bin dealin, bin thievin and bin drinkin they still haven't found bin workin.

After the apology given by Kevin Rudd to the aboriginal people they have finally decided to end there 200 year workers strike.

Why did the woman cross the road?
Better question is why was she out of the kitchen.

what do you buy from an aboriginal garage sale?
your stuff back

why do seaguls have wings?
to beat abo's to the tip

[Jstar]

A man walks into a bar. There is a jar full of 5 dollar notes in it on the counter. The man asks the bartender why they are there.
He replies "If you pay $5 and make the horse laugh you get all the money"
So the man walks up to the horse and whispers something in his ear. The horse cracks up laughing.

The next day there is another jar, the man asks what it is for this time.
The bartender says " if you can make the horse cry you get the money."
The man walks upto the horse and shows him something. The horse breaks down into tears.
The bartender is shocked. "No one has ever made the horse cry or laugh, how did you do it?"
The man replies "The first time I told him my dick was bigger then his. The second time I showed him"

[KARNAGE]

i thought the physics jokes were quite funny

[Chalice]

Theres 2 guys and a girl pissed as farts on top of the Empire State building.

The first guy turns to the second guy and says
"I bet your that using the thermal updrafts from between these buildings..I can jump off..fall 30 stories and then float gently back up and land on the roof"

the second guy says " Bullshit..your on"

So the first guy walks over to the ledge looks down and jumps

He falls 10 floors....20.......25....then at 30 floors exactly begins to float gently back up till he lands gently back on the roof

The second guy turns to the woman and the first guy and yells "Thats Awesome..I've got to try that"

He runs to the edge and leaps off...he falls 10 floors...20...30....40..50... SPLAT

Up on the roof the woman turns to the first guy and says "Fuck you can be a cunt when you're pissed Superman"

[Neji]

BAHAHA. Nice, Chalice.

Those abo jokes were fucking awesome too.

[Chalice]

I went to the doctors the other day and found out my new doctor was a drop dead gorgeous young female.

I was a little embarrassed but she said -

"Dont worry, i'm a professional and i've seen it all before.  Just tell me whats wrong and i will help you in any way I can"

I said " I think my cock tastes funny!!!"

[Chalice]

A kiwi farmer and his son are out in the paddock...standing at a fence where there are 10 sheep in a line facing the other way with their heads stuck in the barbed wire fence.

The father turns to the son and says "Son..your 13 now and its time I taught you how to be man"

He pulls down his pants and reveals a whopping hard on..he walks over to the first sheep in the line and says "now pay attention son"

He thrusts into the first sheep twice and says "thanks sheep" pulls out and thrusts into the next sheep in line and says "thanks sheep" again..onto the next sheep..again "thanks sheep"

The son all excited cuz he understands, rips down his pants..runs up to the first sheep thrusts in and yells " thanks sheep"..onto the next as quick as he can "thanks sheep" and so on..."thanks sheep".......thanks sheep"......."thanks sheep"......."thanks sheep"......"thanks dad".........

[SolidSmiddi]

What stops a womans intestines from falling out from between the hole between her legs?

The vacuum in her head.

.

[Ametros]

I'd like to blatantly point out that I AM NOT A FARMER. The fact I am using the internet to notify you of this should be sufficient evidence..

[Virgil83]

I'd like to blatantly point out that I AM NOT A FARMER. The fact I am using the internet to notify you of this should be sufficient evidence..

Oh I dunno... your farmer blokes are getting pretty high tech these days with crop forecasts, weather reports, produce sales and the like being done online... I reckon you're trying to deceive us about your man-of-the-land ways, Kaotic

[Z00111111]

Tractors these days seem to have more computers in them than my house. You could easily be plowing fields or harvesting beef while typing that.

[Ametros]

Not in NZ. We barely have adequate cable internet in the major cities..

[DonutKing]

^ zoo is right, my old man is a diesel mechanic and a modern tractor has computers coming out the arse

It shits him because nearly every problem with a modern tractor is due to a computer failure

[Project Alpha]

A fat abo and a skinny abo jump off a bridge to see who would hit the ground first. Who wins?
Society.

[Flynix]

Escaped prisoner

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"