Jokes *May Offend*

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22/06/2023, 10:15 AM Syklone - ..... hi

18/02/2023, 07:10 PM Damit - https://discord.gg/fYqDFYx

18/02/2023, 07:09 PM Damit - join us on Discord https://discord.com/inv... ite/fYqDFYx

29/11/2022, 12:19 PM BoHiCa - YESSSSSS

26/10/2022, 04:27 PM Victor9-5 - yooooooooooooo!

21/05/2021, 06:19 AM DonutKing - First post

28/08/2020, 08:39 AM Damit - its because we are all on discord now mrx

29/07/2020, 07:42 PM MrX - Its a bit dead round here

29/07/2020, 07:42 PM MrX - Anybody playing COD 

26/03/2020, 10:52 AM Epsoma - Hey Team. Locked down in self isolation. Hope you all are good.

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[Damit]

Ok post all your jokes here  :dthumbup:

[KARNAGE]

Three guys all go camping together and have to sleep in the same tent, knowing they all have girlfriends nobody was worried.

In the morning when they've woken up the guy who slept on the left said "i had the best dream, my girlfriend was there and we just kept doing it, there was cum everywhere, it was great".

The guy on the right said "thats so wierd, i had the exact same dream"

The guy in the middle said "thats wierd, I had a dream i went skiing".

[mandatory05]

funny joke virg +1
i dont get it Karnage?

[mandatory05]

OMG I JUST GOT IT!!!!
haha +1 mate

[KARNAGE]

lol,


One day a plane was about to crash, it was doing a nose dive and there was no possible way they were going to live.

The pilots gave the news and obviously everyone was scared. One woman who was a virgin stood up and ripped off her shirt and said "is there anyone here MAN enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stood up, ripped off his shirt and said "Here, Iron this".

[MOSH]

lol,


One day a plane was about to crash, it was doing a nose dive and there was no possible way they were going to live.

The pilots gave the news and obviously everyone was scared. One woman who was a virgin stood up and ripped off her shirt and said "is there anyone here MAN enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stood up, ripped off his shirt and said "Here, Iron this".

hahahahah +1 man that made my entire staff piss themselves!!

[mandatory05]

lol, gotta love the sexist ones.

[bageled]

Paddy  & Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster!
Paddy  missed the tube & Mick came on the bus!!


A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink. He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!' Paddy handed his drink back & said 'Me too, I didnt know we had a choice!'





Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks 'How many people are flying with you?'
Paddy replies 'I dont know! Its your f***ing plane!!'





Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on'

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled & says 'You know what I want dont you?'
'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!'

Q. Whats a Catholic priest & a pint of Guiness got in common?
A. black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!

Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!

Paddy's chat up lines:
1.       Did ya fart? 'Cos ya just blew me away!
2.       Are your parents retarded? 'Cos your special!
3.       My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just cant hold it in!
4.       Is there a mirror in your knickers? 'Cos I can see myself in them!
5.       Your body reminds me of a spanner. Evertime I think of you my nuts tighten up!
6.       You might not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only a light switch away!

Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbour's dog is barking like  mad in the garden. Paddy says 'To hell with this!' & storms off..
He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'
Paddy replies 'Ive put the dog in our garden,lets see how they like it!'

Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say 'Crikey! Theres a bloke here who was 152!'
Paddy says 'Whats his name?'
Mick replies 'Miles from London !'

An Irishman is rowing his boat in a field of hay. Paddy drives past &  stops. He looks at the Irishman in the boat & shouts 'Its thick twits like you that give us Irish a bad name! I'd come over there & kick the f**k out of you if I could swim!'

[SolidSmiddi]

they are GOLD Bageled. love em.

[yogi]

A wise man once said ...
treat ur women
the way u treat ur vacuum cleaner
when it stops sucking
change the F$#king  bag!!

[yogi]

little Patrick asked 4 a bike 4 his birthday.
his dad said "we'd get u 1 but our mortgage is 280,000 and you mum has lost her job"
next day Patrick walked out with his suitcase packed, his dad asked where you going son?
Patrick replied " i walked past your room last night and heard u telling mum u where pulling out, then i heard mum tell u 2 wait coz she was coming too. and im not staying here on me own with an 280,000 mortgage and no fuckin bike

[bageled]

This is a quick story about the bond formed between a little girl and a
group of building workers. It’s allegedly true and might help to confirm
your belief in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human
race.

A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a
gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the
activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung
around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less
adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her,
let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her
little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important..
They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled
her immensely.

At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay
envelope containing $3 in 10c coins. The little girl took her ‘pay’ home to
her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day
to open a savings account. At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink
listening to the little girl telling her about her ‘work’ on the building
site and the fact she had a ‘pay packet’.

“You must have worked very hard to earn all this”, said the cashier.

The little girl proudly replied, “Yes, I worked every day with Steve and
Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.”

“My goodness gracious,” said the cashier, “And will you be working on the
house again next week?

The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:

:

:

:

“I think so. Provided those Wankers at Placemakers deliver the fucking bricks..” 

[Z00111111]

lol, that's brilliant Bageled.

[KARNAGE]

Why did Hitler kill himself?





He saw his gas bill.

[bray182]

went into game store today looking for grand theft auto. the sales girl didnt know what it was so asked me to describe it for her. i told her it was about a black guy driving around with an iron bar, crashing cars, rooting women and evading police. the stupid sales girl gave me Tiger Woods PGA 2010!!

[Damit]

bohica sent me that a week ago and it is gold