Jokes *May Offend*

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22/06/2023, 10:15 AM Syklone - ..... hi

18/02/2023, 07:10 PM Damit - https://discord.gg/fYqDFYx

18/02/2023, 07:09 PM Damit - join us on Discord https://discord.com/inv... ite/fYqDFYx

29/11/2022, 12:19 PM BoHiCa - YESSSSSS

26/10/2022, 04:27 PM Victor9-5 - yooooooooooooo!

21/05/2021, 06:19 AM DonutKing - First post

28/08/2020, 08:39 AM Damit - its because we are all on discord now mrx

29/07/2020, 07:42 PM MrX - Its a bit dead round here

29/07/2020, 07:42 PM MrX - Anybody playing COD 

26/03/2020, 10:52 AM Epsoma - Hey Team. Locked down in self isolation. Hope you all are good.

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[Damit]

Ok post all your jokes here  :dthumbup:

[Joely]

what do you call a black man in a church?

holy sh!t

[bray182]

Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple

Being raped

[Cam]

Here are a few shockers

Q. What do pigs put on their sore spots?

A. Oinkment

----

Q. What's green, got 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you.

A. A pool table
 ---

"I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes.
We decided to grab a bite at the food court.
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red,
orange and blue.
My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him
staring every time.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked,
"What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke
on his response; knowing he would have a good one. And in classic style
he did not bat an eye in his response.

"Got drunk once and f@#$ed a peacock.
I was just wondering if you were my son."
"

--------
"A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
* 2 litres of low fat milk
* a carton of eggs
* 2 litres of orange juice
* a head of lettuce
* half a dozen tomatoes
* a 500g jar of coffee
* a 250g pack of bacon
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of
the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk
calmly stated," You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.

She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly
unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk
to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well,
you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know
that?"

>The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly."
"

[MOSH]

What's the difference between a Rooster parrot and a Pleasure Parrot??

A rooster parrot says "Cock-a-doodle-doo" while a pleasure parrot says "Any Cock'll Do!"

[Damit]

The Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:


You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!



So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:


Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.


She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:


Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.


'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'


So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:


Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.


'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.


She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:


Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:


Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.


She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:


Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.


PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.


The first floor has wives that love sex.


The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.


The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

[KARNAGE]

+1 for that damit, so LOL

these are a bit racist but they're the only ones i can think of now

What do you call a Greek parachutist?
Con Descending

What do you call a New Zealander with 20 girlfreinds?
A shepherd

What do you call a New Zealand Brothel?
a paddock

How do you know if a New Zealanders been in your house?
there's cum in your ugg boots

[Ametros]

+1 for that damit, so LOL

these are a bit racist but they're the only ones i can think of now

What do you call a Greek parachutist?
Con Descending

What do you call a New Zealander with 20 girlfreinds?
A shepherd

What do you call a New Zealand Brothel?
a paddock

How do you know if a New Zealanders been in your house?
there's cum in your ugg boots

It may be wise to bear (strongly) in mind that a few of us here at Death Inc (myself included) are New Zealanders..

I must admit the shepherd one got a chuckle out of me, but the others are just sorta pushing it.

[Damit]

lucky you weren't here when i used to have a go at shaada

oh wait here is his avatar i kept giving him

[Noraa78]

what does a camera, a condom and a womans mouth have in common?


They were all designed to catch that special moment.

[bageled]

1st day on the job

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
 
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, 'I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.'

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. 
 
The driver replied, 'No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab.  I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.'

[Chalice]

ROFL..great joke

[Chalice]

lucky you weren't here when i used to have a go at shaada

oh wait here is his avatar i kept giving him

Make it a goat and...SOLD

[bageled]

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

[KARNAGE]

thats actually true, now if theres a problem they go to their dad or call an info line, what happened?  also ROFL at cab driver joke

[KARNAGE]

i heard some idiot tried to wank with sandpaper, one thing he thought was he could get the smoothest "wood" ever.

imagine having that dickhead (a strip of yellow "sponge material" was found at his forehead) around some DI members