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Author Topic: Jokes *May Offend*  (Read 124703 times)
Getting In there and getting Messy
Clan Captain


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« on: 07/07/2007, 08:31 PM »

Ok post all your jokes here  :dthumbup:

“You have got to help me. She is trying to kill me with sex. I cannot get out - and I cannot go on!”
Senior Member

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Posts: 803

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« Reply #1 on: 08/07/2007, 12:17 AM »

i'll get the ball rolling then...

why did the chicken cross the road?

to get to the other side Cheesy

« Reply #2 on: 08/07/2007, 12:43 AM »

wow thats the first time the chicken made it across the road cause normal he is going down me throat :shooked:

* TIP: Dont buy red rooster or Chicken Treat its just as easy to open ur bird cage and cook your budgie's there about the same size...
Biggie the Heavy
« Reply #3 on: 08/07/2007, 01:15 PM »

I got one for you ice.

Why did the man fall off his bike??

He got hit by a fridge.

And how long until we get to the baby and aboriginal jokes??

2, 3 pages??
Senior Member

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« Reply #4 on: 08/07/2007, 02:11 PM »

Why did the plane crash...

Coz the pilot was a sausage Cheesy


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Posts: 758

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« Reply #5 on: 08/07/2007, 02:13 PM »

What happened to the monster when it rained?

It got wet.

« Reply #6 on: 08/07/2007, 02:57 PM »

looks like i'll break the ice with the sick jokes

How do you get the neighborhood kids off your front yard?

Molest them.
« Reply #7 on: 08/07/2007, 04:57 PM »

Im a jew so this is OK:

What's faster than a speeding bullet?
A jew with a coupon.
« Reply #8 on: 08/07/2007, 08:12 PM »

mate thats old and the original is

wats the fastest thing on earth ?

a eathiopian witha  maccas voucher...
« Reply #9 on: 09/07/2007, 11:25 AM »

my grandparents are jews Cheesy here's a really bad one

What do you call a jew with a gasmask?

A spoilsport
« Reply #10 on: 09/07/2007, 11:57 AM »

Ok… in no way condoning or supporting racism in any way or form, but from time to time, a couple of jokes are passed your way that make you laugh purely because of their poor taste.

These were from a friend in the USA:

Q]Why do they put little pieces of cotton in the top of Pill bottles from the pharmacist?

A] To remind Black people that before they were drug addicts, they used to pick cotton.

A woman is in hospital, and she has just given birth to a baby. The doctor comes in and says to her “I have some good news and some bad news.”

The woman says “ well, lets hear the bad news first then”

Dr says” The bad news is, your baby is black”.

The woman says “ Ok, whats the good news then?”

Dr: “ its dead”.

AWARD: BitchSlapper Extraordinaire (18 Sep 10)
Legacy Veteran


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« Reply #11 on: 09/07/2007, 12:29 PM »

These took a while to write out
Please enjoy Afro

One night a father overheard his son saying his prayers.
'God bless mum' Prayed the boy, 'And bless dad and gran also.
But good bye grandad and rest in peace.' The father thought the last bit of his prayer was strange, but soon forgot about it. The enxt day the grandfather died.

About a month later the father again overheard his sons prayers. 'God bless mum and dad,' the boy prayed. 'Nut, goodbye grandma and rest in peace.'
The next day the grandmother died. The father began to worry about the situation. Two weeks later, the father again heard his son praying.

'God bless mum,' the boy prayed. 'But goodbye dad and rest in peace.'
This alone almost gave him a heart attack, so the next morning without saying a thing, the father got up early and went to work. He stayed in his office all day.
Finally after midnight he went home. 'Im still alive!' he congratulated himself. He crawled into bed with his wife and apologized for being late.
'I had a really bad day' He moaned
'You had a bad day?' his missus yelled 'The postman dropped dead on our veranda this morning!'

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctors office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
he said, 'your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you dont want him to die, each morning fix him with a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, make love with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for about a year he should regain his health completely.'

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, 'What did the doctor say?'

'Your going to die,' she replied

An Australian man was having coffee, croissants with butter and jam in a cafe, when an american tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.
The australian politely ignored the american who, nevertheless, started up a convisation. The american snapped the gum in his mouth and said 'Do you folks eat the whole loaf?'
The australian frowned annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, 'Yeah of coarse we do.'
The American blew a huge bubble and said
'In the states we only eat whats inside. The crusts we collect, put them into a container transform them into croissants and send them to Australia.'
The american had a smirk on his face, The australian listened in silence. The american persisted.
'do ya eat jam with the bread?'
Sighing the Australian replied , 'Yes'
The American then replied 'WE dont, in the states we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, we collect all the peels, seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to australia.

The australian then asked
'Do you have sex in the states?'
The american smiled and said 'Yeah of coarse we do'
The Australian leant closer to ask him 'What do you do with the condoms once you have finished?'
'We throw them away of coarse' The american replied Now it was the australians turn to smile.
'We dont. In australia, we put them in containers, recycle them, melt them down to chewing gun and send them off to the states.....Thats why its called wrigley's!'


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« Reply #12 on: 09/07/2007, 01:09 PM »

Heres a bar joke:

A dyslexic man walked into a bra

A racist joke i heard from a friend...

What does a coon and sperm have in common?

-Only 1 in a million actually work.

I am winter when you freeze...I am the hammer and you are the anvil.

Dwane Diblie
« Reply #13 on: 10/07/2007, 05:36 PM »

What do women and KFC have incommin?

You start with the thigh and finish with the brest.
Then all you've got is a greasy box to put your bone in.

(MMmm... Finger licking good.)
Dwane Diblie
« Reply #14 on: 12/07/2007, 11:35 AM »

Two condoms walk past a gay bar.  One turns to the other and says 'Lets go get shitfaced.'
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