Jokes *May Offend*

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22/06/2023, 10:15 AM Syklone - ..... hi

18/02/2023, 07:10 PM Damit - https://discord.gg/fYqDFYx

18/02/2023, 07:09 PM Damit - join us on Discord https://discord.com/inv... ite/fYqDFYx

29/11/2022, 12:19 PM BoHiCa - YESSSSSS

26/10/2022, 04:27 PM Victor9-5 - yooooooooooooo!

21/05/2021, 06:19 AM DonutKing - First post

28/08/2020, 08:39 AM Damit - its because we are all on discord now mrx

29/07/2020, 07:42 PM MrX - Its a bit dead round here

29/07/2020, 07:42 PM MrX - Anybody playing COD 

26/03/2020, 10:52 AM Epsoma - Hey Team. Locked down in self isolation. Hope you all are good.

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[Damit]

Ok post all your jokes here  :dthumbup:

[Syklone]

Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."
The second says, "I'll have some water too. But why'd you order it like that? We aren't at work."
The first chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.
His assassination plot had failed.

Dex - simple and lame all rolled into one

[Dex]

I was amused by it
But perhaps thats your point

[Virgil83]

So not really a joke but I went for a drive on the weekend and stopped to take a piss... this was scrawled on the urinal wall:

Sir Elton's Doodle went to town,
t'was was hiding from a pussy,
t'will not cum but in a bum,
cuz he's a faggot wussy...

So yank my doodle,
Yank it hard,
Cuz I am feeling randy,
If you try hard you'll make it spurt,
Out will come liquid candy...

There were more paragraphs, but I can't remember them word for word... and each was written in a different colour so I am assuming different authors.

Suffice it to say some people went to a lot of effort because there were 6 in total... LOL

[DonutKing]

That's pretty clever. I didn't see any graffiti in the toilets at the camp grounds but there was a hole drilled between two stalls with gaffa tape around the edges

[jazzycat]

Q: What's long, hard and makes a woman moan when up?
A: The ironing board.



Q: My wife thinks that I say grace when she serves food.
A: Thats not the reason I close my eyes and say "Jesus Christ."



Little Johnny from Islington was gravely ill in hospital and sadly passed away. As per his wishes, he requested this his favourite football team be his pall bearers for his coffin.

His mother said "he always wanted Arsenal to let him down one last time".



Two interesting facts about me:
1) My knob is the same length as 2 pens.
2) I'm now banned from Officeworks.



I called my grandparents fossils but they produce suprisingly little energy when burned.



A policeman stops to assist a motorist stranded on the motorway. The motorist, a blonde, was unable to restart their car. The policeman, who knew a little about cars, popped the hood and fiddled around with the engine. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

The blonde says, "What's the story?"

The policeman replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

The motorist thinks about it for a moment then asks, "How often do I have to do that?"



Heterosexual marriage is where they slip a ring on the finger. Gay marriage is where they slip a finger in the ring.



My local bakery is having a great deal on all their pie's tomorrow...  3.1 for 2.



After hearing that Neil Armstrong died after complaining of chest pains, Sigourney Weaver has gone into hiding.

[KARNAGE]

These are some bad ones



Muslims would've died in the holocaust too but Hitler couldn't get them in the shower


What's worse than a worm  in your apple? (we all know this one)
The Holocaust.
What's worse than the Holocaust?
6 million jews.


Leroy goes to his mother after his day at kindergarten and asks
"mummy, whenever I try to play with the white boys and girls they always call me a nigger. why is that?"
"well", replies his mum, "that's because you're black"

"And mummy, why do the teachers shout at me and tell me to go away, but they're nice to the white boys and girls?"
"well", replies his mum, "that's because you're black"

Leroy then grins and says "well, whenever I'm in the showers with the white boys I notice my penis is much bigger than their penises"
"well", replies his mum", "that's because you're 37"



Why do mutes masturbate with one hand?

so they can moan with the other one.


Why were so many blacks killed in Vietnam?

Because every time their sergeant told them "get down!" they jumped up and started dancing.



How can you tell if a black is well hung?

he stops kicking.



The pizza shop refused to give me what I wanted when I called up and asked for the 9/11 special

All I wanted was two large plains.

[Raiden777]

How many jews can you fit in a car? 50. 2 in the front, 2 in the back and 46 in the ash tray.

[KARNAGE]

What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection?


a quarter pounder with cheese

[Damit]

A cop was staking out the Local Hotel for bikers riding drunk.
At closing time, he sees a biker stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and fum
ble for his keys for five minutes.
When he finally gets on the bike, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition.
Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and rides off.
When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test.
The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0!
The cop says, "How is this possible?"
The guy laughs and says, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

[jimmybeaver]

Q- What's the problem with owning a dildo farm

A - Squatters

[Skullmunch]

Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE WITH PIGTAILS?
A: A BLOW JOB WITH HANDLEBARS

[Skullmunch]

Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
A. Call her and tell her.

[Skullmunch]

Q. how did burger king get dairy queen pregnant
A. he forgot to wrap his whopper

[DonutKing]

If you used the donut king method, you wouldn't have this problem.

[Skullmunch]

What's the donutking method