Chalice's Movie Review - District 9

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[Chalice]

On top of my vigorous resime of Self Help advice and game reviews....I'ma gonna do a movie review...ummm...here it is.

WARNING SPOILERS...sort of

DISTRICT 7..i mean 9

The movie basically begins with 15 mins worth of stupid advertisments and please turn off your mobiles...I personaly thought the acting was shite and the visual and sound effects poor..i gave it a 1 out of 10....then I realised that it wasn't a part of the movie and felt stupid.

Then the real thing began...The storyline is that 28 yrs ago some shitty race of aliens..nicknamed Prawns, but who I prefer to call Yabbies, cuz thats what they look like...flee their home planet, you never find out why, and rock up on earth, thin, starving and covered in their own shit...so just picture my wife and you'll be close.

Now strangely even though these aliens talk in clicks and sqeaks...everyone can understand them perfectly.

humans take pity on the state of these creatures and allow them to live in a cordoned off area called..you guessed it, District 9.

Unlike the rest of humanity..I didn't take pity on the "Yabbies" and had my meat in my hand trying to bait them...Security didnt like that and I was forced to just watch the movie.

Now the first 3/4 of the movie is shot like a documentary following some guy that resembles Dex with a beard as he attempts to serve eviction notices to the aliens of District 9....at a certain preplanned part of the movie basically this guy gets covered in Alien sperm that shoots out of a can...this combined with the fact that these aliens are obsessed with Cat food makes me think their kinky bastards...anyway, back on track.

So to cut it short...the guy gets covered in Alien jism, gets an alien hand job and footage gets posted over the news showing him doing an alien doggy style...BTW...I'm serious.

Eventually the main character lives in District 9 with his apparent lover, gets hunted by some bad Jamacian wannabee's and some guy that just never got over G.I Joe's...he then attempts to fly a spaceship and when the fucking idiot prangs it he jumps into a robotic suit..screams at the top his lungs "Autobots...Roll out"...then gets his arse kicked by G.I. Joe.

The movie ends with this fucktard eating a can of catfood and the promise of a sequel...that should be good....unlike this one.

I give it a 5/10..but the sequel does show promise, so wait till that comes out and watch this one then.

P.s. Even though its directed by Peter Jackson...not even one of those furry footed little fuckers known as Hobbits got killed in the making of this movie...piss poor effort I say.

Chalice
Independant Film Reviewer Person Guy

[YosimeteSam]

Well i thought the shorts looked good...eye candy! Well they can stick that movie in their ASS Chal.The next movie i am going to see is Inglorious Bastards! Tarrantino fucken rocks da house! Also love Brad Pit when he plays a sick fucker/bad ass.


Sammy 

[shadowice558]

i'm pretty sure the reason we understand them is because it is part telepathic, but we need a vocal que to receive it or some shit.

anyways, ill see it on thurs when mate comes down from perth, hot alien sex... maybe i shouldnt be taking a 14 year old to see this.

[Chalice]

maybe i shouldnt be taking a 14 year old to see this.

Why not..I did...but she looked 18, i swear.

JUST KIDDING LADS..I'm not that twisted and your children are safe

[Damit]

i found it good about half way through when they started using the alien weapons

only good bit in the first half was when they were going through the slums

[KARNAGE]

well, all i can say about that is LOL, i wouldn't see it anyway becuase i know how stupid it is but then again thats why it's science fiction, but still LOL

[Noraa78]

The next movie i am going to see is Inglorious Bastards! Tarrantino fucken rocks da house! Also love Brad Pit when he plays a sick fucker/bad ass.

hell yeah

[mandatory05]

i totally disagree chal, district 9 is one of the best movies i have ever seen in my life.
there is not a moment where you arent bored.
the doco bit at the start works really well, and then the whole fugitive thing was awesome.
i especially like all the people exploding, i LOL'd at the jamaican guy getting pwned by the taser-type-thing, then all the guys in the rows in front turned around and looked at me as if i had made a your mum joke.
i gave the movie a 9.5/10

yeh the next movie ill see is inglourious bastard as well.
"you all owe me 100 nazi scalps....and i want my scalps"

[shadowice558]

there is not a moment where you arent bored.

doctor ork iz not imprezzd

[Z00111111]

i totally disagree chal, district 9 is one of the best movies i have ever seen in my life.
there is not a moment where you arent bored.
the doco bit at the start works really well, and then the whole fugitive thing was awesome.
i especially like all the people exploding, i LOL'd at the jamaican guy getting pwned by the taser-type-thing, then all the guys in the rows in front turned around and looked at me as if i had made a your mum joke.
i gave the movie a 9.5/10

yeh the next movie ill see is inglourious bastard as well.
"you all owe me 100 nazi scalps....and i want my scalps"

Quote for Truth. It was a brilliant movie.
Unless you wanted mindless action...
This was action with an actual plot.

Also it isn't directed by Peter Jackson. It was produced by him.
I guess not everyone is going to like a deep, original movie, with lots of really well done special effects and great acting. Some people just like bad movies. Like Transformers 2.

[Chalice]

Bah...my beef is they make out its going to be this action packed blockbuster and it turns out to be a doco on some guy who fucks aliens.

Its just a jokey review ppl...I'd do the same to even the best of them...like starship troopers 3

[Virgil83]

I prefered Starship Troopers 2 - The Hero of the Federation, personally...

[Z00111111]

Virgil, you need to be careful using sarcasm on the internet. For a moment I thought you meant you actually liked that stinking pile of shit known as Starship Troopers 2. The awesomeness of the first one made the suckiness of the second one even worse.

I hadn't actually seen any of the trailers or anything for District 9. Just read some reviews online and saw David and Margret review it on At The Movies. Figured I'd like it and I did.

[Virgil83]

And Z00111111, you need to be careful disagreeing with my assessment of Starship Troopers 2, or else I'll ban your ass

LOL, okay, maybe I should blush about this then... but I actually enjoyed all of the Starship Troopers movies!  1, 2 AND 3.

[Psych0Kyller]

And Z00111111, you need to be careful disagreeing with my assessment of Starship Troopers 2, or else I'll ban your ass

LOL, okay, maybe I should blush about this then... but I actually enjoyed all of the Starship Troopers movies!  1, 2 AND 3.

Ive seen all of them i prefer 1 and 3. The second one sucked balls