Ask Chalice... Common PC User Questions

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22/06/2023, 10:15 AM Syklone - ..... hi

18/02/2023, 07:10 PM Damit - https://discord.gg/fYqDFYx

18/02/2023, 07:09 PM Damit - join us on Discord https://discord.com/inv... ite/fYqDFYx

29/11/2022, 12:19 PM BoHiCa - YESSSSSS

26/10/2022, 04:27 PM Victor9-5 - yooooooooooooo!

21/05/2021, 06:19 AM DonutKing - First post

28/08/2020, 08:39 AM Damit - its because we are all on discord now mrx

29/07/2020, 07:42 PM MrX - Its a bit dead round here

29/07/2020, 07:42 PM MrX - Anybody playing COD 

26/03/2020, 10:52 AM Epsoma - Hey Team. Locked down in self isolation. Hope you all are good.

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[Virgil83]

Ladies and Gentlemen,

As the Death Inc Site Admin it gives me great honour to introduce what is sure to become one of the Death Inc Clan's most famous attractions... the "Ask Chalice" Advice Board!

Many of you will know that throughout the years, Chalice has picked up a wide variety of knowledge on many, many subjects, and we're proud to inform you that when it comes to PC repairs, network management and the computing arena in general, No One... and I mean NO ONE sees it quite as clearly as Chalice.

His frank and honest advice will be dispensed here and only here on the Death Inc Forums, as part of a landmark agreement hammered out by myself with Satan, Bill Gates and Several Drunken Lawyers, as well as Chalice himself.  So prepare to feast yourself on the information buffet that is being offered here!  You will, as a respected member of the DI Clan, be privy to information that IT experts pay millions for!  Chalice is widely regarded as a demi-god amongst us IT professionals, so undoubtedly you will all be stunned by his advice.  It should be noted that some Terms of Service do apply, and these are listed below:

USE OF THE ASK CHALICE... SERVICE - TERMS AND CONDITIONS
1a:  No, Chalice will NOT sleep with you... so stop asking.
1b:  All advice is mandatory.  Unlike most advice columns where using the advice is optional, Chalice will have heavily armed persons murder you while you are on the toilet, if you do not, in fact, use his advice.
1c:  It is expected that many of the prestigious IT Help sites on the net will want to link to this subforum of Chalice Advice, just to avoid having to pay the consulting fees that Chalice normally charges, you are instructed to lay down your life if you have to, just to make sure Chalice DOES get his money from these other groups.  Only DI members get it for free.
1d: See 1a again, because we know you just got a boner.

Now, without further adeu... here's... CHALICE!

[BoHiCa]

So, I gather the admins, decided against "where's wally when you need him" as the title, then....

I do think this sub forum is where the admins take back control of the forums after his most successfully, yet very funny and insightful "applaud & smite" thread.

Best of Luck :laugh:, Congrats on the new job tilte chal.  I'm not sure if anyone else caught his new tech self help link i put up earlier, and here it is http://usethefuckinggoogle.com/

[Chalice]

I'm here to help fellas so post up your questions and i'll be happy to assist.

Authors note - In no way does Chalice accept responsibility if anyone actually uses his advice.

[Chalice]

I've noticed that a question of Virus Protection and removal has appeared lately so heres my advice:

First of all the two are completely seperate issues 1. Prevention and 2. Removal

Prevention
Whilst there are many different applications out there that are somewhat effective the ONLY sure fire guaranteed way of protecting your much loved PC is condoms...thats right condoms

Step 1. Open the case
2. Unplug all wires and cables...except the power cable as this may provide a quick thrill
3. Coat all cables/wires in deep heat or tiger balm
4. Get several packets of condoms and cut the ends off (note- for use of PC protection only...not to be done in regards to sex)
5. inserts all cables and wires into the condoms- female assistance may be req'd as men have a hard time putting anything into condoms)
6. plug cables/wires back in and enjoy the knowledge that your PC is protected.
Note - If a condom breaks and the PC screams due to the deep heat...switch off immediatly as its no longer protected.

Removal
This step is easy - as with any deadly virus in humans, with Pc's it should be the same...instant incineration by fire.

Hope that helps

[YosimeteSam]

So i was wondering..... Once you have blown Norton are we able to contact you in regards to our problems?

[Chalice]

Of Course you can Sammy...Just shoot the questions thru...i've just given him his fix...but you know Norton he'll be rearing to go in an hour or so, so we've got a bit of time

[RoBB_NZL]

chalice i was wondering how i could attach a microwave to draw power from my computer so i can get a snack when i get a bit peckish?

[Chalice]

chalice i was wondering how i could attach a microwave to draw power from my computer so i can get a snack when i get a bit peckish?

Very good question Robazoo and a briliant idea...also not as difficult as you'd imagine

Step 1 - find an unused lead from the pc's power supply and strip and expose the wires
Step 2 - attach jumper leads to the Pc's power supply, doesn't matter about + & -...trust me
Step 3 - Bring in the good ol microwave and cut off the power plug & expose the wiring
Step 4 - attach the other end of the jumper leads

That takes care of the power problem...next

Step 5 - If your running windows then go into START, Control Panel, Power options and in the power schemes drop box...select microwave
Step 6 - Next and still in control panel go to system, hardware and click device manager...this will open up a list of found harware
Step 7 - Click on the drop box - Human Interface Devices and select microwave this will bring up an icon on your desktop
Step 8 - Insert food into microwave and double click the new microwave icon - select what type of food your heating from the selections available and enjoy your new PC compatible microwaved food

NOTE : To add further devices such as fridges etc... do the above but select it in the Human Interface Devices List.  Also note that in no way do i take responsibility for possible electrocution and or hardware malfunctions

Chalice
I.T. GuruSwambiFuckMaster

[RoBB_NZL]

Chalice

I have been faced with another conumdrum

I have been developing and designing a program to put me into a 10 hour coma ,to help me sleep at night and I require some of your expertise in this field I have been working on this for quite some time but have only recently decided to go public here it what im at so far


your help would be greatly appreciated

Cheers
Rob

[Chalice]

ahhh simple error just make this adjustment -

[BoHiCa]

sorry to butt in chal, but there is always the tried method, record any channel in team speak that damit is in.

replay recording on a loop, that should do it.

[Noraa78]

The only true, tried and tested method of a good 10+ hr trip to the land of nod is with a little help from my friend johnny.
Now Rob, all you will need is a couple of bottles of this

a glass, and some ice (optional).
Drink till empty.

[RoBB_NZL]

hahahaha nice