OK, so its Kylie's Birthday today and I decided i'd cook her dinner. She came home and I said go into the room..relax, watch some TV, i'm going to cook you an Oriental stir fry.
She said "you...cook...oh god, not again!" "where did you get the recipe?"
"Masterchef" I state confidently
Here's how it went..now pay attention..cuz there's a fukin surprise at the end of it!
Step 1 - This is purely for courage and should not be added to the meal at any point. 
Step 2 - Prep , you will need soy sauce and oriental noodles...this is the "oriental" element to the dish....
Step 3 - Open noodles and add packets
Step 4 - Boil the kettle and add water..leave for 2 minutes
Step 5 - while waiting the 2 mins..more alcohol..
Step 6 - put fry pan on stove...woks are for faggots, real men stor fry with a frying pan! Add a little bit of oil...I used the first oil that came on hand...turned out to be vegetable oil, who knew?
Step 7 - Drain noodles with strainer, add to pan, whack on some soy sauce..not too much, that shits strong.
Step 8 - Realize that there really is fuck all veggies in those noodle cups...go to freezer, discover you have steamed microwave veggies...nuke for 2 mins, open then add to pan with a nother dash of soy sauce.
Step 9 - Let that shit cook for a minute..drink more booze.Step 10 - get over it, surely its fukin done by now..serve that shit. Note: clean the plate like a boss
There ya have it..oriental stir fry ala Chal..the secret ingredient, is love
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