Hi All,
Trolling through my old Outlook RSS feeds tonight I stumbled across some beauties, but none more deserving of a Death Inc Forum Post than the RSS feed that existed between the end of 2008 through til the start of 2010 (so, most of 2009) when the Death Inc site was still an unholy alliance and mismash of SMF, WordPress and stuck together with bubble gum...
So without further adeu, I offer for your amusement and recollection, the content of the RSS feed from the Death Inc Front Page back then:
14/10/2008 by Z00111111 Today we welcomed a new Official Death Inc. server.
The new Day of Defeat: Source server is personally funded by our member Fatman. We are looking to enter a casual Death Inc team into a ladder some time in the future, so hop on the server and get some practice in and express your interest.
DoD:S Server details
We are also proud to announce another one of our members will be a providing a Call of Duty 4 Server. Jive Turkey has been running a CoD4 server from his home on-and-off for a while now, but is making the move into a rented dedicated CoD4 server.
CoD4 Server details
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22/11/2008 by Virgil83The Team at Death Inc are happy to announce the reinstatement of the Death Inc Team Fortress 2 Server. This server is hosted by Quadeye, Australia’s premier game server hosting company, and is a 16-slot 120FPS+ max Server running the BeetlesMod Admin Plugin.
The Server Details are:
Server IP: 202.157.179.89:27017
Name: Death Inc TF2 Server #1
The details are also available on the Death Inc Website Servers page.
We’re currently looking to staff the Admins of this server from the Clan. If you’re interested in being a primary or backup Admin, please PM Virgil83.
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19/12/2008 by Virgil83The Death Inc Forums will be put into Maintenance Mode at 12:00AM (Midnight) Tonight to facilitate a Forum Upgrade.
The Forums should be available again by 1:00AM AEDST.
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20/12/2008 by Virgil83The version of Wordpress that the Death Inc Website uses as a platform has been updated this morning.
All website contributors should log in via
http://www.deathinc.com.au/wp-admin and take a look at the changes.
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24/12/2008 by Virgil83As the year draws to a close and we wind down for the year to spend time with our loved ones, we would like to extend our best wishes to everyone and hope that you all have a Merry Christmas and a safe and Happy New Year. Hope you’re all on Santa’s “Good” list!
From Everyone at Death Inc
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25/12/2008 by Virgil83The following was my Christmas message for 2008 to all Death Inc Members, and at the request of Dex I’ve been asked to put it up here for the community to read. This new take on the age old “The Night before Christmas” poem is based on some of our clan’s favourite games, and includes references to some of Death Inc’s own well known members. Hope you enjoy!
‘Twas the night before Christmas, gamers safe in their house
Each gamer on servers, his hand on his mouse;
Playing Battlefield, Team Fortress, all games with such care,
In hopes at the end, in First Place he’d be there;
The server admins were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of kick-bans and player-slays danced in their heads.
Damit as SpecOps, Chalice moving in for the cap,
And randomizer not knowing, just having a nap,
When suddenly the servers shook with a clatter,
And the gamers, they paused and wondered what was the matter.
Suddenly, Dex, he threw forth a flash,
And bageled led the squad forward, quickly in a dash.
The defenders opened fire but were a little too slow,
As Victor9-5 had secured the territory, way down below,
Then as if magic, an amazing sight did appear,
The Vehicles were replaced by sprites of reindeer,
Sprites of terrorists, and solders were replaced oh so quick,
With elves, and candycanes, and pics of St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles these changes they came,
Until nothing but Christmas images filled that game;
But jstar cared not, he had joined up to fight!
And Reindeer and Eves were all slayed that night!
In Jalalabad, elves, they jumped over the wall!
And on cp_well, reindeer point captured them all!
In gaming, its unfair to have your sprite fly,
But in COD4 the players sailed clear into the sky,
To the intelligence, the bomb, the flag captures they flew,
And fired shots from the sky like avenging angels would do.
In CounterStrike they landed up high on the roof
And zoomed in their rifles with each little hoof.
Smiddi shouldered his gun, and was turning around,
But was struck in the chest by a Critical round.
The aggressor, he was dressed in fur from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with rocket launcher soot;
A bundle of weapons were strapped to his back,
And the gamers all shit, as he unzipped the pack.
His eyes — how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a cigar he held tight in his teeth,
And with him, the names of gamers all spelled out on a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And Yosimete_Sam was scared, in spite of himself;
With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
He indicated that Ice was soon to be dead;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
He pulled out a Railgun like a fat little jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, the barrel he rose;
With the slightest of sighs and a small little snigger,
His finger, it slipped around the gun’s trigger…
Then he tugged on it slightly, and we were all zapped from sight,
He exclaimed: “Merry Christmas to all, Fuck now THAT was a Fight!”
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7/2/2009 by SmiddiWith the new year coming in so are the new seasons ladders.
DeathInc are looking at building up our teams again to attack the ladders.
If your interested in joining - now’s the time.
See:
http://forums.deathinc.com.au/index.php?board=12.0- on how to join up and get active.
See you in game,
Smiddi
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10/4/2009 by Chalice As you may know, in April 2009 the Government will be handing out payments of up to $900 via the ATO to those who submitted their 2008 tax returns on time.
The idea behind the package is basically to give everyone some spending money in the hopes they will inject it into local buisnesses in an attempt to kickstart the economy and thus save us from a recession - so don’t save it…spend it!
For those of you who may be wondering what to do with all that cash here are some ideas straight from my head to your screen:
• Upgrades for your PC
• Buy those games you’ve been looking at
• Go on a holiday…I hear Afghanistan’s nice this time of year
• Invest wisely so that when the market bounces back you make a decent profit
• Join a gym – there’s no price tag on your health
• Treat yourself to a full body wax – feel the burn
• Buy a chipmunk and pay for guitar lessons for it, just to see the reaction on the instructors face
• Build a lifesaving tower and outfit and run along a beach – Cuz you love “The Hoff” that much
• Get a Tattoo of Chuck Norris
• Buy a self help book and see if it works when your alone and stuck in quicksand
Now some of you may be laughing at these ideas, but we’ll see who’s the idiot when you see me walking down the street completely waxed in a pair of bright red speedo’s, showing off my new Chuck Norris tattoo and carrying a guitar playing chipmunk that is bashing out a heavy metallica riff perfectly, won’t we?
- Chalice
Chalice is an out-of-work Monkey Wrestler who devotes his time to A: Avoiding Creditors, B: Perfecting his escape plans for a Zombie Attack and C: Writing Advice Columns… if you’d like Chalice to tackle an issue close to your heart with his unique insights, please feel free to drop him a Death Inc Forums Personal Message today.
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11/4/2009 by Virgil83 Welcome to the new Death Inc website Blog everyone!
The new Death Inc Blog will include articles from several of our senior members on a wide variety of topics. I hope that over time the pool of talent can be increased and that all members of the Clan will become regular authors and contributors to the Blog. Everyone in our ranks has something interesting and informative to say and share, so we’d all love to see it!
In addition to our non-gaming blog posts, the Clan and Game Captains will be sharing regular updates about Death Inc’s progress on the game ladders, as well as Clan News and Announcements. Additionally, informative posts on a topics about Recruitment, Clan Events and the Gaming Community will keep members, both new and old, up to date on the latest developments in our little corner of the internet.
As always, I am open to suggestions and welcome anyone who is interested in contributing to contact me. For now, make sure that you keep checking the blog, as new content will be uploaded on a continuing regular basis for all to enjoy!
- Virgil83
Virgil83 is the Site Admin and Editor of the Death Inc Blog. Famous for his addiction to Blackberry and Windows Mobile Smartphones, in his non-working hours he enjoys a geek factor of 10 by watching Star Trek and playing with ever-increasingly complicated network setups in his home office. Members interested in becoming contributors to the Death Inc Blog should contact him directly via the Death Inc Forums Personal Message system.
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12/4/2009 by News & Announcements As Easter 2009 draws to a close the Team at Death Inc wishes Everyone a Happy and Safe Easter and hopes that the Easter Bunny was generous to you!
In the spirit of the season, we offer the following Youtube Video:
YouTube Direktvideo link
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14/4/2009 by Bohica An introduction to start with, you guys and girls know me as Bohica. I’m new to online gaming, but I’ve been LAN-ning since I left home and I’ve been PC mad now for 24 years.
Latrobe Valley Computers:
http://www.lvc.com.au was established in 1989 to cater for the expanding home computer market. During the early years the business established itself as an alternative to the metropolitan resellers.
In 1995 Latrobe Valley Computers changed direction in it’s business plan with the view to become the principal IT supplier to local businesses. The business structured itself to be able to supply and service small to medium businesses that lacked the support of local and city based organisations.
Latrobe Valley Computers is now the premier supplier to the Greater Gippsland Area, catering to a vast range of industries from Phillip Island in the west to Orbost in the east.
In 2005 I personally made the step from employee to business partner, being involved in a 20% split in ownership with two others partners owning 40% each and retiring the man that taught me everything I now know about Server builds and Hardware RAID.
In 2007 I took on the extra 30%, “duck shoving” another partner to own a total of 50%. You can do the math, since there was solicitors and accountants involved but as you can guess - the outcome was I owe the bank more, but I am one step closer to owning a dream… Just… dont ask the wife what she thinks of the whole thing, but if you’re looking for a full on blog article I may ask her too!
I know “blah blah blah” but hey, when Virgil offered me my own blog I thought “why not??”!
Anywho, I don’t have a complete plan of what I think you guys ‘n girls may want to see from me, so please feel free to shoot me a PM with ideas for topics and I’ll see how I go.
Say Hello to your mum for me!
- Bohica
Bohica is a partner in Latrobe Valley Computers, the premier supplier of IT Services to the Greater Gippsland Area. Since joining Death Inc he has helped members find great PC and Hardware deals and is now contributing to the Death Inc Blog with information about the latest IT Hardware and specials for our members. Suggestions for blog topics and purchasing queries can be directed to Bohica via the Death Inc Forums Personal Message system.
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17/4/2009 by Dex Death Inc met Clan Rupert tonight in the vicinity of Crash, a well known map for Death Inc.
At 6:30pm sharp we rolled out our attack plan as Marines taking it slowly in order to uncover the enemy’s defense. While we lost the first round, it provided the players with valuable intel which lead to the bomb being planted in the second round giving us a win, tying the score as we went into round three.
Thanks to our attacking strategy we were able to out-maneuver our opposition, winning six of the eight rounds. The enemy tried everything to get past us and block off the attack but they were unable to outrun the LMG fire from reggie, which kept them pinned down.
The enemy fought with courage even in the face of Bray-182’s sniper fire. They landed a few ‘nades, killing us numerous times and our skills were tested throughout the game with Rupert Pheonix wreaking havoc amongst our team, taking out our best players time and time again.
With only 4 more rounds needed to win the game, we went all-out on our defense as Opfor, with confidence that the game was ours. The results achieved by our team defensively were well beyond what we expected. The defense was approached patiently as we knew time was on our side. We came under heavy ‘nade fire throughout the second half. Unfortunately I was victim to a lot of these grenades, but thanks to Psych0kyller’s valiant efforts the game was still ours!
After winning seven of the following eight rounds, we had won the match by a respectable margin. All we needed to do was to show Clan Rupert that we were in control. With only two rounds left in the game, we were determined to win them, to finish the game in a high note.
Unfortunately, it was not to be. Clan Rupert managed to plant the bomb and with our whole team down except for damit, he was our only hope. He courageously took on the remaining three enemies, managing to take two of them before moving on to the bomb.
While he was diffusing, the last enemy snuck up on him, taking him by surprise. Damit however was not to be killed easily, as he was taken to last stand, he managed to pistol the man who had so violently ended his life.
Sadly, in last stand as he was, he could only watch as the bomb exploded right next to him. Laughing at this ironic loss in the closing rounds, we took them on one last time in the hope we could win.
Thanks to the outstanding leadership shown by Bray and myself, we were able to lead the team to victory with a final score of 15-5
- Dex
Dex is a teenage hermit who inhabits a rocky outcropping under a rickety bridge and likes to throw grapes at passers-by. As a senior member of the Death Inc Clan and an integral member of the Death Inc COD4 Team, Dex will be contributing to the blog with tales of heroism and valour exhibited by our members while in combat. Any suggestions for his articles should be directed to him via a Death Inc Forums Personal Message.
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19/4/2009 by Chalice As the Big Gaming Titles for 2009 start to roll into the stores, I think it’s appropriate that we take a moment to look at some quick tips on preferred ways to play these games online in order to improve both our gaming AND our fun.
• FPS (First Person Shooters)
•
o Stick with your team…don’t be a Rambo
o Always Tea Bag your opponent
For those who are unware of the term, ” Tea Bagging” is the term used when one player deeply regrets the slaying of another and invites him/her around for a nice cup of tea to discuss the matter in a mature and open environment and then sticks his balls the former opponent’s mouth repeatedly.
• RPG’s (Role Playing Games)
•
o If you’re like my wife…you’d play as a nurse
o If you’re like me…you’d play as a lice ridden psycho who has dreams of one day being a robot hamster… of course!
• MMORPG’S (Mini Midgets On Rocket Propelled Goats)
•
o MMORPG’s are a fantastic way of living out an alternate reality…my personal trick is to run naked thru towns populated by other online gamers wearing nothing but a +3 Chicken Hat of Terror and carrying my Huge +2 Broadsword in my hand. Your fantasy may vary.
• Online Strategy Games
This genre includes games such as “Company of Heroes” and “Dawn of War II”, both of which have recently been released.
•
o These games tend to be taken quite seriously by the player as its seen as a form of chess, connect 4, Uno, Snap etc…
o My patented “trick to winning” (trademark pending) in Online Strategy Games is taunting… lines such as “I showed your mother my Howitzer” or “Your sister loves polishing my Dreadnought” or even “I’ll tear your F&^*IN arms off mate, stick em in your ears and ride you like a soggy bicycle if you kill my Uber Engy one more time!!” are time honoured classics. You will be held in high esteem using these phrases, and will likely be regarded with increased recognition and action on the part of other players. You’ll know you’ve reached the pinnicle of taunting achievement when opponents start weeping just by sheer recognition of your nickname… or, perhaps… when you notice your accounts have been banned.
o I encourage you to be creative in your online endeavours, especially in the field of taunting… because, god knows, it won’t be me paying for a new game licence key each time someone complains about your insults!
So, as I leave you to ponder my wisdom in this regards, I look forward to seeing you online.
As a last gesture of good will, I shall leave you with this one last piece of advice… NEVER Tea Bag Chalice… For, if you were to make that mistake, I would be forced to come after you in full psycho robot hamster mode wearing the Chicken Hat of Terror with my Broadsword in hand, screaming at the top of my lungs “Let me show you my Funky Truck”.
Good night, and God Bless.
- Chalice
Chalice is currently wanted on charges of indecent use of a Howitzer by several Military Tribunals and Commonwealth Law Enforcement Agencies. Dividing his time between running from the law and offending opponents with naked pictures of himself during games, he manages to find a few spare seconds a week to carefully and creatively craft a blog post which lightens everyone’s day and sets the Gold Standard for Self Help columns on the internet. All threats of legal action, psychotherapy bills for persons affected by his gaming taunts, and suggestions for new columns can be directed to him via Death Inc Forums Personal Message.
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21/4/2009 by Dex At eight minutes past twelve on Friday the 17th of April, Bray-182 issued a challenge to The ANZAC Imperial Force Clan with the hope that Death Inc could come away with a win.
To the amazement of everyone in the Call of Duty 4 team, two days and two minutes later, the team was sent an email informing them that the mighty force of the ANZACs had forgotten to accept the challenge.
Thanks to this surprising yet fortunate turn of events, Death Inc has moved up 19 places in the ladder without lifting a finger.
I would like to convey my personal gratitude to the ANZAC Imperial Force Clan for giving us this most unusual victory, and we look forward to meeting them on the field of battle in the near future.
I’d also like to add that it was thanks to MY leadership skills that Bray-182 was able to challenge this clan and come away with the win. We can only hope that I will continue to teach my wisdom to others in future, so all may benefit.
- Dex
Dex recently completed his first epic book “I am GOD, and this is my Universe”, which is sure to be a best seller. Dex is our resident one-legged vegetarian hobo, and among his many duties within the Clan, he particularly enjoys his role in keeping the wider gaming community up to date with details of Death Inc’s progress on various game ladders. Anyone wishing to contact him with fanmail or directions to a hot meal should do so via the Death Inc Forums Personal Message system.
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22/4/2009 by Virgil83 It’s been an interesting week on and around the Death Inc Website and Forums and I’d like
to let you all in on some of the highlights:
My Pick for “Threads of the Week”:
• Z00111111 and his “Media PC to Save the Economy“
• Sponge and his “DI Carving“
Also, my congratulations go out this week to the Death Inc Call of Duty 4 Team and Project Reality Team for wins in their respective ladders. While the COD4 win was the result of a forfeit, its no less of a victory and has allowed them to move up the ladder once again. Well done, guys!
As things progress with the implementation of several new features into the Death Inc site, including our blog, I’d like to remind all members that their contributions are welcome and valued. Anyone wishing to submit a one-time article, or ongoing column for the front page blog would be welcome to do so. Let me know if you’re interested.
Welcome to the new Recruits this week, Slyke and Sniperlol, I look forward to seeing you around the Forums and Teamspeak, as does the rest of the Clan I’m sure. Speaking of Recruiting, I’m very much looking forward to welcoming a new column to our blog from the Clan’s Recruiting Officer, Z00111111. Z will be writing on a semi-regular basis about the Death Inc Clan’s Recuiting Process and how we’re making efforts to recruit and integrate new members into our ranks. Sure to be an interesting and informative set of articles, I hope everyone will take the time to give them a browse once they are posted up.
And that’s my wrapup for the week. Remember, be nice to your mother… she brought you into this world and by god she can take you out of it, too!
- Virgil83
Virgil83 is an Alien from a distant world bent on conquering Earth with nothing but little packets of ketchup and a few well chewed pieces of bubble gum. As Site Admin and editor of the Death Inc blog, he offers his unique insights into the goings on around the Clan on a weekly basis for all to see. Offers of sexual favours or large quantities of sweets are encouraged and should be directed via the Death Inc Forums Personal Message system.
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22/4/2009 by Bohica After selling quite a few of these keyboards to some very happy gamers, I’ve received a personal request to tell everyone about the product.
There is no better way to learn about and promote a product than by owning one, which I am proud to say that I do!
The key reasons I purchased one:
• After hours of playing with Chalice my hands were sore, now I can game hours on end…..with the unique WSAD & QE keypad, directly being part of the keyboard
• Two USB Ports on the Keyboard make it easier to plug in mouse & joystick (for example) or USB headphones and the like.
• Line in & Microphone jack, on keyboard, essential to those of us who’s front audio panels don’t work!
• Lights, pretty, pretty lights! As a few of you know, I am the hermit of my house and I live to game in my shed. With the backlit keys I can now game in total darkness.
The Z-Engine software has most game’s default layouts built in, allowing the simplest of customisations to be made on the game pad for personal advantage, also enabling multiple profiles to suit all your games and the advantage of, starting from a blank layout and setting the keys to how you wish, then print the layout so you don’t forget.
Above: The Z-Board MERC Stealth Keyboard in Blue Backlighting
PRICING DETAILS: The Z-Board MERC Stealth Keyboard for Death Inc Members: $144 Inc GST + Freight.
ADDITIONAL DETAILS: A PDF with information about the keyboard can be found HERE.
ORDERING: To take up this great offer for Death Inc Members, please send Bohica a Death Inc Forums Personal Message.
- Bohica
Bohica is a crazy old used car salesman who constantly acts out the best moments of his sex life while selling rusted out heaps on the car lot. Having being reported for public nudity, he was court ordered to write for the Death Inc Blog and he now spends his spare time researching and coming up with unique pieces of hardware to write about and sell to Death Inc Members. Anyone wanting additional details about his best ever sex acts DVD collection, or if you wish to buy a product Bohica has written about, should contact him via a Death Inc Forums Personal Message.
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24/4/2009 by bageled Here’s my bit of humour for the week, enjoy!
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
FROM: MANAGEMENT
RE: Redundancies and SHIT
Dear Employees,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the
economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of
40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known
as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be considered
for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons
who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW
programme (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers). A person may be RAPED
once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems
appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional
Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired
Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED
any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT
(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always
prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel
that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention
of your Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you
can handle.
Sincerely,
Management
- Bageled.
Bageled is a graveyard shift clerk at a Comedy and Sex Toy store in the Artic Circle. Spending his nights selling vibrating fish toys to horny penguins, he devotes many an hour to locating and distributing humour and pornography (not necessarily in that order) on the interwebs. Anyone who wishes to pass on a joke or humourous excerpt for Bageled’s column should contact him directly via the Death Inc Forums Personal Message service.
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24/4/2009 by Yosimete_Sam You all wanted me to get into the blog… Well gents… here it is!
Around 4 weeks ago, Some thieving prick knicked my 2 motorcycle helmets and my leather jacket from the garage while I was playing with my dog Storm in the backyard… Oh Fucken Great!
So I did what is expected, I ring the insurance company… I tell ya, they just LOVE taking your premium off ya, but they sure hate paying out.
So I call ‘em up and “blah blah blah” with the nice lady on the phone. “You need this, you need that” etc etc… typical crap when making a claim. OK - fine, off to the Local Cop Shop to do a report, get the report number and all the other crap. Hmm easy as fuck i said to myself. Big mistake!
4 days down the track, the copper who took the report hasn’t shown up for duty in days, so no paperwork for me… even though I fronted up to the station day after day… typical cops. Finally someone helped and got me what I needed to complete the claim! Happy Sammy! Again, too soon though…
Call #6 to (considerably less lovely by this time) Miss Insurance Bitch. “Yes Sir! That’s great… Now you will need is proof of ownership, photos, receipts… oh… and your left testicle please…” (Okay, perhaps not the testicle, but it felt like it!). So… again, more errands and paperwork… off I trot to Harvey Norman to get prints and photocopies of the pics and papers.
Then of course, it’s “Sir, Please fax through the documents ASAP so we can get it sorted”. This is the Thursday before Easter, but I dilligently fax it off as requested. Then, of course, they mention it will take around 10 working days to process… WTF!?!
Fast forward a week or so, and a return phone call from insurance company comes through. “Oh Hello there, Mr Baker” says Insurance Bitch in her casual but disinterested tone… “I’m afraid that the photos you sent through are in black and white! We need them in colour for the purposes of the claim”… at this point I am forced to reply, in no uncertain terms “Of course they’re in bloody black and white, you asked me to FAX THEM!”… sufficed to say things went downhill from there and I had to post in the colour copies. I was certainly seeing a colour by this point… fucking RED!
At this point, its now been 4 weeks… they have all the information, colour photos, and everything else they’ve asked for but do you think its resolved? Oh, god no! Another call: “Mr Baker, we aren’t able to pay for your jacket, unfortunately, because you can wear it for purposes other than just the motorbike…” Fuck me! It’s a 2 piece race suit, not something I’m going to wear with a damn tuxedo! “Additionally, we can not pay for your helmets nor the lights because they are all considered to be accessories…” Fucken bullshit!
By this point I’m totally ropeable. I ring the wife and send through all the paperwork, details and information to her at her law office. She makes a few calls, and what do you know!?! Claim Approved! In its entirety!
Moral of the story… Insurance Companies are businesses… and they’ll try just about anything to get out of paying out a Claim. So make sure that you stand your ground! Don’t restort to outright abuse, but make sure you know and stand up for your rights! That’ll sort the fucktards out, and get the result you are looking for. And if all else fails… it helps to have someone in the family with some clout in a lawyer’s office!
Sammy out.
- Sammy
Sammy, also known as “Yosimete_Sam” is the Patron Saint of the Fair Go. Fed up with bullshit, hyprocrocity and fucktards in general, Sammy tells it like it is. His hard hitting and informative blog posts cover a variety of topics, but if you have something specific you’d like him to discuss, feel free to drop by the Death Inc Forums and send through a Personal Message.
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24/4/2009 by Chalice CLASSIFIED: TOP SECRET - FOR AUTHORISED EYES ONLY… OH, AND MY WIFE’S, OH, AND OUR CLEANING LADY’S, OH, AND MY SON’S FRIENDS, OH, AND MY SON’S FRIENDS’ TENNIS PARTNERS, OH, AND MY SON’S FRIENDS’ TENNIS PARTNERS’ GIRLFRIENDS… SO, BASICALLY, THE ENTIRE ENGLISH SPEAKING WORLD HAS CLEARANCE TO THIS TRANSCRIPT, SO I’LL STOP PRETENDING IT’S SO SECRET NOW…
DISPATCH FROM THE FRONT LINES
Date: 20.4.09
Time: 2000hrs
Location: Sunset City, Sweden (I don’t really know actually…but hey, I hear Sweden’s nice)
Unit: DeathInc Squad 1 as Chinese Forces
Members: Chalice, Bohica, Bageled, Sponge, Randomizer and a guy from NSOF
Excerpt from the Official Briefing –
We arrived at the main Chinese base focused, determined with one objective in mind – own the server using the tactics we’ve been working on.
Bageled had a different objective in mind…get some Dims Sims at the base canteen and kill stuff.
We decided on getting take away and eating it on our way to the drop off point, so we jumped in the transport truck and after Chalice got bored playing with the horn…we moved into the city and into what would soon become known as The Fried Rice Firefight.
We exited the truck at the northernmost point of the flag cap and proceeded on foot to the West, where Chalice rounded a corner and was instantly cleaned up by an enemy truck, who’s driver was obviously drink driving…Randomizer revived him and promptly gave him a lecture on “Look Left, Look Right, Look Left…then cross”.
Once suitably ashamed of himself Chalice ordered the squad back toward the East.
The squad had moved East approx 5 meters when a fully manned Hummer appeared out of the side street…and exploded…the NSOF guy had hit it with a rocket, killing all on board.
Deciding the streets were getting too hot we blew the gate open on an alley and entered a building that overlooked the northernmost and main entry to the city and the squad promptly went into defence mode…we were prepared to give our lives to stop the Yankee scum from taking the city… or something like that, at least…
Bohica covered the alley with Randomizer whilst Chalice and Sponge covered the north from the windows, Bageled had the MG on the roof also covering north and we could hear him stroking it and giggling.
We knew they were coming…we could hear the American stereos and could smell their cigarette smoke…it wouldn’t be long now.
Bageled called truck to the North and we tried to get the LAT in place…but we were too full from the fried rice and couldn’t run fast enough to take it out and it retreated back down the ramp…then an enemy squad appeared and we engaged with accurate small arms fire…Bageled took two out and we played paper, scissors, stone to decide who got the other guy… It is unfortunate that randomizer didn’t understand the game…
Whilst we were mowing enemy infantry down another Hummer snuck in behind us and we now had enemy squads to our left, right and front…the LAT was accurate and the Hummer died…but we were surrounded and we were all that was holding the city against 32 enemy determined to take the city… at least the the odds were in our favour! The kill count was now approx 20 dead enemy to our 1 death and to be honest… that loss wasn’t anything to get upset about… it was only Chalice… oh… wait… that’s me.
So… Chalice spotted an American sniper climbing the construction building to our 300 degrees and Bageled patiently waited for him to appear…when he did…he died, but Bageled didn’t know that so he pumped another 200 rounds into him…just to make sure. I am starting to believe that his motto isn’t “Fight or Die” or anything heroic like that… its starting to seem much more likely that it is “Better to be safe and waste ammo, than be sorry”… but that’s a story for another time and not really relevant to this briefing… or de-briefing… MmmmMMMmm… I’d sure like to be de-briefed right now, perhaps by a cute little brunette in a school cheerleader outfit… MmmMmmm*cough* Oh, sorry about that! Where were we? Oh yes, right….
We had started taking Sniper fire from the hills to our west and it took a while to locate him…he was 230 odd meters away and only had his head showing…we placed the attack marker and the squad began to fire on him, Bageled began short controlled bursts into his general area and we guided his fire into the sniper killing him instantly…300 rounds later Bageled stopped firing…he was now humming to himself and was sporting a buldge in his pants that I can only attribute to him carrying a Mag-lite Torch for some reason…
Suddenly… it grew quiet…too quiet… and then the lads noticed a squad on the roof to our rear left approx 150 meters away and more were spawning…they didn’t know what hit em…the count was now 25+ enemy dead to our 1 death…the city was still ours.
We decided to move towards the last group of enemy as finally another squad had come to help hold the city…the fried rice really was excellent at base and they must have stayed for a feed, or perhaps it was the view… I hear the waitress looks good in a cheerleader outfit too… MmmMMmm… okay, enough of that!
We moved to the building the enemy were last seen on with Bohica and Sponge leading the way, as we got there we noticed an enemy supply truck to our west with crates on the ground. Surmising that they had a fire base behind the wall…we went to check it out. With Bohica and Sponge covering, Chalice pulled out a grenade and was going to blow the crates when an enemy appeared and blew him away. the boys took revenge and Randomizer patched Chalice up we checked the area out, there was no fire base here…then all hell broke loose.
An enemy MG emplacement on the hill began firing at us and troops were flanking our position…it was a good day.
We held ‘em off and Sponge and Randomizer between them kept Chalice and Bohica alive whilst simultaneously engaging the enemy…Bageled was eating more fried rice at every opportunity… well, it was good rice! The fire base wasn’t here but we were heading in the right direction.
We repelled the enemy and Chalice called for a withdrawal but Sponge would have none of that…he could taste blood and he wanted more. He popped smoke and ran to cover on the MG’s flank…the rest of the squad followed suit and we rallied by a big rock where Chalice carved – “Chalice & Randomizer 4 eva” into it. Once that was done we entered the hills and began our search for the enemy fire base taking the MG emplacement out on the way there with a phosphorous grenade.
At the top of the hill Bohica spotted the sniper trying to sneak up the mountains to get a bead on us…he died painfully of course, and a photo of Bohica urinating on his corpse was dispatched to his spouse and children with all due haste. After finishing at the Post Office convieniently located nearby - Sponge, Bohica and Randomizer then made their way down the hill towards the now located enemy fire base whilst the MG was covering.
We soon spotted enemy near the waters edge and engaged, killing two…their intellectually challenged medic came out to revive…and he died as well.
We continued to press forward and Chalice spotted fresh enemy asset at the temple complex near the firebase but didn’t have a shot… so he called for Sponge to take him out. Sponge chased the enemy down in an Olympic qualifying time…dropped to one knee and fired two rounds into the US Soldier, killing him instantly…he then regrouped with Randomizer and Bohica and the assault continued.
The war ended with us within 20 meters of the firebase… which, of course, had no chance of surviving.
Our unit of 6 men successfully defended the city against the entire American team… we then flanked an American firebase…destroyed an MG emplacement and slaughtered anyone spawning at it.
The result 30+ enemy dead to our 2 deaths…at the end Bageled was frothing at the mouth and licking his MG clean, Bohica was doing the Chicken Dance - quite well I might add for the record, Randomizer was found tea bagging a bush and moaning, Sponge was shooting up with his own Epi pen and Chalice was using his binoculars to try and locate more fried rice to try and calm Bageled down…after all, it WAS good fried rice!!!
— THIS REPORT WILL SELF DESTRUCT AT SOME POINT IN 2039, UNLESS YOU BUY SOME FRIED RICE AND SEND TO BAGELED, CARE OF DEATH INC —
- Chalice.
Chalice is a former Australian Soldier and on this ANZAC Eve we salute his service to his country. The Entire Death Inc Clan holds our servicemen and servicewomen in the highest regard and we hope and pray for their safe return from all theatres of operation around the Globe. And to the ANZACs who fought for our freedom those many years ago, Lest we Forget. Anyone wishing to contact Chalice should do so via the Death Inc Personal Messages system.
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25/4/2009 by News & Announcements April 25th is upon us once again. A day of rememberance and celebration of the ultimate sacrifice of so many Australians during times of conflict, and of the many achievements by members of our Armed Forces in so many theatres of operation around the World.
The Staff and Members of the Death Inc Clan wish all current and former Servicemen and Women the very best for this ANZAC day, we’ll be watching the parades and services around Australia today and thinking of you All.
To those who are on deployment in foreign lands, we wish you a safe and speedy return home, and to their families we thank you for your sacrifice in having your loved ones so far from home, keeping all of us safe and free.
“They shall grow not old as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.”
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26/4/2009 by Z00111111 As a prospective member of Death Inc, there are some points that need to be considered.
Death Inc is a gaming “clan” or community, with a focus on the more social side of gaming. Although we actively compete in gaming ladders and generally do well in them, our main goal is to have some fun along the way. Because of that when it comes match time, we don’t choose players by skill, but by their commitment and availability.
The atmosphere on our forums and TeamSpeak Server is generally pretty laid-back. Input on matters affecting the Clan is appreciated from all our members, both new and old on any topic, be it silly pictures in our SPAM Forum, or serious issues regarding the future operation of the clan.
The Captains are here to keep our group running well. Their roles vary from processing of new recruits, organising ladder and practice matches, to moderating the forums and keeping our servers functioning. The voice of a Trialee in Death Inc carries the same importance as that of a Captain in most situations. We don’t run a dictatorship here so feel free to speak your mind, and remember to give as good as you get.
If you’ve gotten this far it’s time to let you know what we expect from our trialees. Before “full” membership is granted, applicants have to go through a two week trial. The trial may run longer or shorter for various reasons at the discretion of the Senior Members.
During the trial, the trialee needs to be active in the clan. This means going on TeamSpeak when you can, getting into servers with other Death Inc members and contributing on the forums. In reality, we just want to get to know you over the trial period. There are no game performance assesments. The governing factor is personality, because our focus is gaming for fun, we would much rather a friendly player with poor gaming skills than a top tier asshole, to be blunt.
The rules are simple. Wear the =]DI[t tags and respect your fellow gamers, be they clanmates or the general community. Death Inc have built a reputation over the years, of sportsmanship and cooperation throughout the gaming community, actions that may damage this reputation will NOT be tolerated.
In closing, just let me say that we at Death Inc would very much like to meet and enlist new members, so sign-up to the forums, hop on TeamSpeak and have some fun with us!
- Z00111111
As the Death Inc Clan Recruiting Officer and a Senior Member of the Clan, Z00111111 is chiefly responsible for processing new recruits into the Clan, and providing assistance and guidance to new members. Persons wishing to know more about the Death Inc recruiting process, or other issues of membership should contact him directly via the Death Inc Forums Personal Message system.
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