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Author Topic: A bible question...  (Read 3045 times)
Virgil83
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« on: 20/10/2011, 06:26 PM »

God's right hand man, Lord Chalice...

One of your minions, "The Archbishop of Cuntery" Cowcar, bestowed upon me knowledge of a story from the Bible this evening of Sodom and Gomorrah... upon where two male Angels descended from Heaven and were promptly gang raped by masses in the historic town of Sodom.  Hence the modern use of the word "Sodomy" to refer to people like Dex.

Our discussions then proceeded on to enquiries about why God then destroyed not only Sodom themselves for what they did to his two mates, but also the neighbouring town of Gomorrah.  We couldn't find any reason in the literature, so naturally I thought of asking you...

Could you shed some light on this ancient riddle?

- Father Virgil, Order of the Shattered Bunghole
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cryptochild4
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« Reply #1 on: 20/10/2011, 06:43 PM »

sorry to correct you, however the two angels were dining at Lot's (he was a relative of abraham i believe)((long time since i read genesis)) house, when some men of the city of sodom ask to rape the angels, Lot offered his 2 virgin daughters to them, and the men declined, the angel's struck the men down with blindness and then told Lot to take his family and flee and not look back, as god struck down Sodom Lot's wife looked back and instantly turned into a pillar of salt.

God's reason for destroying the city was because no 10 good men could be found in the whole city to spare it of its destruction
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Sillen
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« Reply #2 on: 20/10/2011, 06:48 PM »

"...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

(found it under sin in the gideon bible when I was a travelling sales man staying in a cheap motel in lismore)
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DonutKing
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« Reply #3 on: 20/10/2011, 07:13 PM »

Oh wow I feel sorry for you dude. Work has an office in lismore and I can't stand it even in the middle of the day. Staying in a motel there is unthinkable.

About the only thing lismore has going for it is that it isn't casino.
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cowcar
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« Reply #4 on: 20/10/2011, 07:40 PM »

sorry to correct you, however the two angels were dining at Lot's (he was a relative of abraham i believe)((long time since i read genesis)) house, when some men of the city of sodom ask to rape the angels, Lot offered his 2 virgin daughters to them, and the men declined, the angel's struck the men down with blindness and then told Lot to take his family and flee and not look back, as god struck down Sodom Lot's wife looked back and instantly turned into a pillar of salt.

God's reason for destroying the city was because no 10 good men could be found in the whole city to spare it of its destruction

hmmm i dont know which bible you are referring to... but i will take you word on it. Still, basically they were trying to do some angel rape... but that wasnt the question, the question is why Gomorrah as well?
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Carples
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« Reply #5 on: 21/10/2011, 07:27 AM »

Splash Damage
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Virgil83
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« Reply #6 on: 21/10/2011, 07:33 AM »

Splash Damage

That's what I said!
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Chalice
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« Reply #7 on: 21/10/2011, 09:16 AM »

Well Father Virgil..I'm glad you asked!

As Sodomy takes its title after Sodom, so does Gonorrhea take its name after Gomorrah.

To understand I must take you back...back into the distant past..back.... well TBH back 1 webpage really, but its not as dramatic now is it?

Anyhoo, while the people of Sodom were cut throat deviats that practised every sin, the people of Gomorrah weren't innocent either.  The difference being that the people of Sodom used to at  least practice safe sex by using sheeps intestine as condoms, the filthy fucks over at Gomorrah on the other hand used to just shag each other and their pet goats with no protection whatsoever, breeding disease throughout the town.

But The Lord our god..or "Pete" as I like to call him, had enough when one day a young man by the name of Testiculi climbed a hillock next to the town of Gomorrah and beseeched the lord -

"Lord" he said  "I beg thee to listen to me.  Take me away from this town and its sin, so that I may serve thee.  My work is a pain in the arse and I get shat on everyday from my boss, I take it without complaining but there must be more to life...please take me away lord?.

Pete..being ever vigilant to his children decided to grant this prayer and hopefully save Testiculi from the Double Penetration, chest shitting, Bukkake session that was due to be visited upon him the following day at work...so taking pity he sent 2 Angels down to Gomorrah.

The 2 Angels landed in the centre of Gomorrah, Majestic, with wings fully extended they pronounced triumphantly "Where is good Testiculi, we have come to take him to serve the lord, for he is good and belongs not with you worms..we also hear that he can take a footlong without gagging..we have need of him".  

The people began muttering to themselves, they didn't want to lose Testiculi who was a well known and popular attraction at  Big Bobs Bukkake Barn ..so one stepped forth and told the Angels "Yeah g'day, he's just ducked over to Sodom aye!" to which the towns people agree'd and shouted that it was true and sent the 2 angels onward to Sodom who were known for their angel rape fetishes.  Testiculi being deep in prayer heard none of this.

The following Day God/Pete bore witness to his angels being raped, meanwhile in Gomorrah testiculi was being anal pounded by 2 large black guys while getting pissed on by 3 others, begging the lord to end his misery and thinking the lord had abandoned him...

Pete had enough and with a voice that could be heard like thunder he pealed "You like to be shat on huh cunts?...take this then you sick fucks!"  And lo, he turned in the heavens, raised his Alpha, presented his Omega and rained down a fiery God steamer onto the towns.

And thats why Gomorrah was destroyed as well as Sodom..because they misled the angels and sent them off to be raped and because they spat & shat on Testiculi his whole life, even though that was his job over at Big Bobs Bukkake Barn...it also didn't help that God had curry the night before and was a little backed up, so there may have been a little bit of spill over from Sodom that founds its way onto Gomorrah, we'll never know as he works and shits in mysterious ways....

Oh in case your interested,  he turned Lots wife into a pillar of salt when she looked back at Sodom because she was a known Voyeur who used to go herself with clay idols whilst watching the neighbours do it, she nearly got away but Pete spotted her and said "Thats right! forgot about you ya fuckin perverted slut..watch this!" and WHAM..salt time.



Hope that helps,

Chalice...friend of Pete's

« Last Edit: 21/10/2011, 10:26 PM by Chalice » Logged


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Z00111111
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« Reply #8 on: 21/10/2011, 10:59 AM »

Lay off the Northern Rivers. That's my hood, man.
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