Well Icejaff....I'm glad you asked.
And believe it or not, Neo here has hit on the solution for us.
You see the more you try and avoid your parents, the more they try and cling..so what we need to do is the opposite.
Here's what to do-
*Tonight wait 10 mins after your parents are asleep and then I want you to shit yourself..thats right, dump a load in your dacks and piss all over the bed...then lie on your back and fucking wail away, cry like a baby being touched by pedo bear.
When they run in just continue to scream and make sure they see what you've done..repeat nightly until problem solved.
* Accompany your mother shopping, wait till aile 3 then proceed to ask her for some tiny teddy's etc. continue making demands until she refuses, then plonk your arse on the floor and scream "BUT I WANTS TINY TEDDY'S" ...repeat daily until problem solved.
* Fall over, get a tiny scrape and then burst into tears, screaming saying "owy owy owy owy" and "It hurts", clinging to her desperately ...rinse daily until problem solved.
* Come home from school crying and say "Micheal...in..year...7...call
ed..me..a...poopy head...and I said IM NOT A POOPY HEAD..YOU'RE A POOPY HEAD...and..then..he..pushed me...WWWAAAAAAAAAAAA"
*Wait till they go out, get some crayons and redecorate those walls with shitty looking suns and unicorns and shit....dont forget, you can use mummy's lipsticks and fingerpaint with dog shit as well!
* In general be clingy, needy and never give her a minute to herself..walk in on her in the shower with dirt smeared over your face, bang on the dunny door repeating "mum mum mum mum mum" etc, you can even as Neo said attempt to breastfeed on the hour every hour if you'd like? ....just roll with it buddy and have fun...she wants to be clingy..you'll show her fucking clingy and that if she wants a baby boy again, she's fucking got it.
An alternate method is to become a total shit head, rip down those posters of ferraris and throw up some death metal shit, time to wear doc martins and dye that hair black, punch yourself in the face daily as though your getting into fights. Hire a hooker named Suzy thats 50 years old and way past her expiry, runny eyeliner..you know the type, bring her home and say this is my new girlfriend Suzy. Take all the money from their purses and wallets (if Suzy didn't do that on the way out already) and proclaim your innocence...dont forget to scream "I hate you" as you storm away...put holes in the walls, you know where i'm heading, so again..just run with it.
Hope that helps,
Chalice
p.s. on a serious note...You'll be old enough..soon enough and will have to worry about rent, car, fuel, food, electricity, gas, water etc. and will deal with that stress for the rest of your life and if you asked anyone here who's in there 20's,30's they'll all say the same thing...fuck I wish I was back in high school, you will too trust me...so enjoy it while you can. Also, the parents still harrass you in your 30's I get a phone call every week...didn't want to disillusion you of that
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