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Author Topic: How to get a blumpkin?  (Read 2999 times)
DonutKing
AWARDED - MR DEATH INC 2010 - FOR GAYEST PICTURE IN A THREAD
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I could fit two of you in my jeans. Idiot.


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« on: 09/01/2011, 12:46 PM »

Dear chalice

I have been trying quite some time to get a blumpkin. Unfortunately I have had little success. Some friends and I went out last night cruising for blumpkins but we had no luck.

I am really not sure what I am doing wrong. I try to be well groomed and polite but it seems like I get continually shot down when I broach the subject.

As a source of worldly knowledge I ask for your assistance. Surely there must be some charming, witty ladies and/or men ( I won't have it said that I am sexist) willing to engage in the beautiful act of a blumpkin with me.

What advice can you offer me?  What are some good ways to attract a blumpkin partner?


Eagerly awaiting your response,
D. King 
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Chalice
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« Reply #1 on: 09/01/2011, 04:54 PM »

Well Donut...I'm NOT glad you asked!!!

The time honoured tradition of the Blumpkin first originated in france in 1704 when Marcelle Du'pont a well known ladies man and economist used to have the unfortunate habit of blowing both loads when getting a BJ from his mistress.

Sick of cleaning the bed sheets the mistress suggested that it would be easier if he simply sat on the poo repository whilst she did the deed.  This worked out for the best and everyone was happy and she turned to Marcelle with her mouth still full of baby gravy  and said "I love you pumpkin" but due to the full mouth it came out " I lub nu Blumpkin"..and so ...The Blumpkin was born.

To answer your question all you need do is simply say this "You know how women say a man cant multi task? ...follow me and I'll prove you wrong!" , you could also state the case of it being more efficient etc.

An alternative is to build up and train her for the Blumpkin, take it in easy stages..start by having a dump while she is in the room, get a handjob on the toilet, combine the two...then get a BJ whist sitting on the toilet...then add the poo.. Do it gradually..these things cant be rushed.

Anyway...hope it all works out for you, i'm off to lick out a girl while her grandma shits in my navel, whilst the mum is riding me getting it smeared all over her,  with the dog licking my ring,  while being banged by Norton .  Wish us luck PDT_Armataz_01_34

Hope that helps,

Chalice
« Last Edit: 12/01/2011, 09:33 AM by Chalice » Logged


Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?
bageled
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Consoles are the future


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« Reply #2 on: 09/01/2011, 05:36 PM »

rip the last of my innocence
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Virgil83
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Have you READ the DI Forums!?!


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« Reply #3 on: 09/01/2011, 06:47 PM »

Oh my...
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DonutKing
AWARDED - MR DEATH INC 2010 - FOR GAYEST PICTURE IN A THREAD
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I could fit two of you in my jeans. Idiot.


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« Reply #4 on: 09/01/2011, 07:44 PM »

Chal I really appreciate your advice re: blumpkins

I fancied myself something of an expert in blumpkins and blumpkin-related activities however I didn't realise that this hobby can trace its origins back to 18th century France. I learned something here today and am humbled by your superior knowledge (specifically, that some queer frenchie inadvertently invented the Blumpkin to avoid shitting the bed).

I will take your advice on board and will put it to good use the next time I meet up with my blumpkin buddies. Rest assured that I will post a full report of my experience once I have achieved a blumpkin for the benefit of any other would-be blumpkin seekers.

Thank you and goodnight.
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cryptochild4
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I am a very large potato


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« Reply #5 on: 09/01/2011, 08:17 PM »

if you meet a girl on your journeys that give's rusty trombones let me know, i will marry her straight away
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naf
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« Reply #6 on: 10/01/2011, 05:47 AM »

I'd prefer to keep my sex and shitting seperate, but good luck in your search.
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DonutKing
AWARDED - MR DEATH INC 2010 - FOR GAYEST PICTURE IN A THREAD
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I could fit two of you in my jeans. Idiot.


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« Reply #7 on: 10/01/2011, 06:00 AM »

I'd prefer to keep my sex and shitting seperate, but good luck in your search.


There's no accounting for some people's tastes I guess.
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-NeOpHyTe-
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Brown bear is wrong!!


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« Reply #8 on: 10/01/2011, 06:12 PM »

thats what i love about this place you learn something new everyday - albeit wrong on just about every level  PDT_Armataz_01_13

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KARNAGE
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That means I can also think inside the chimney


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« Reply #9 on: 10/01/2011, 10:00 PM »

I'd prefer to keep my sex and shitting seperate, but good luck in your search.
that reminds me of a part in the fat pizza movie where paulie walks in a bathroom stall and these two are doing it and you hear the guy fart
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Crocket181
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ARGGHHHH MOTHERLAND!


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« Reply #10 on: 12/01/2011, 08:43 AM »

I have never been physically sick from reading a post....That all changed about 30 secs ago.
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Chalice
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« Reply #11 on: 12/01/2011, 09:32 AM »

I have never been physically sick from reading a post....That all changed about 30 secs ago.

WOOT!  still have the touch Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy
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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?
RoBB_NZL
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"War , war never changes"


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« Reply #12 on: 12/01/2011, 02:27 PM »

googling blumpkin = bad idea Sad
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Ametros
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Some dude called Kaotic.


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« Reply #13 on: 12/01/2011, 04:25 PM »

thats what i love about this place you learn something new everyday - albeit wrong on just about every level  PDT_Armataz_01_13



QFT


I have never been physically sick from reading a post....That all changed about 30 secs ago.

The difference between the new guys and the "veterans" (not actual clan veterans). Get used to it Crocket.
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DonutKing
AWARDED - MR DEATH INC 2010 - FOR GAYEST PICTURE IN A THREAD
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I could fit two of you in my jeans. Idiot.


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« Reply #14 on: 12/01/2011, 08:38 PM »

One of my friends started up the 'Australian Blumpkin Database' on facebook. For discussion of blumpkins and blumpkin-related activities.

Feel free to join, only requirement is a love of blumpkins Smiley

All new members will be issued with an ABN (Australian Blumpkin Number) to help identify them to other blumpkineers.
As one of the founding members I have already been issued my ABN, which is 69420
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