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[Jakes2142]

Dear Chalice

      Recently my computer has been making groaning noises at me, this is annoying, my quick remedy involves spanking the computer quite thoroughly, this stops the groaning for a while but it comes back, i would like  advice on a permanent remedy.


        Your Loyal and Devoted Fan
                                       Jakes2142.

[Noraa78]

*puts $10 on the fact that this solution with have something to do with umpa lumpa's*

[Chalice]

Hi Jakes....and thanks for the question,

There are 3 possible reasons why your computer makes groaning noises.

1. Its getting old and feeling aches and pains in its joints...so download my patented antiarthritis v1.6 and that should solve that...but you need to emotionally prepare for its eventual death my friend.

2. It has gas or is conspipated...so I recommend getting so really strong laxative, opening up your cd/dvd drive and pouring it in.

3. Have you considered that it may enjoy being spanked? and the groans you are hearing are groans of pleasure?

In which case, i suggest you get really twisted and kinky on the little fucker..make a little maids outfit and put it on it..bring out some rope, a strap on and a blow up Wii and let the love fly.  The aim is to get it that disgusted by its behaviour that it stops enjoying it and just does its job.

Hope that helps,

Chalice

P.s. A 4th solution could be to hire an Oompa Loompa to tinker with it..those little turds can fix anything

[shadowice558]

it sounds like it needs a pacemaker...
open it up and stick a magnet on the powersuply.

[Chalice]

OI get ur own advice thread, this one's copyrighted 

[MrX]

LOL

[KARNAGE]

LOL, so funny

[mandatory05]

+1 Chal...
WRECKED SHADOW!!!

[shadowice558]

how did i get wrecked when chal basicly just gave me permission to start my own advice thread...

[mandatory05]

damn... good call....

[Chalice]

how did i get wrecked when chal basicly just gave me permission to start my own advice thread...

Try it bitch....I WILL SUE YOUR ARSE OFF MOTHERFU^%ER

[shadowice558]

well chal, it seems like you are having some copyright protection problems.

my advice involves  a fleshlight, rope, lube and a cucumber and some super glue.

first you have to find the adress of whoever is violating copyright.
once you have that you have to go there and stalk him untill you find some information about his loved one.
once you have that befrend the man keeping yopur true identity a secret for as long as it takes to get enough trust.
then secretly sew the seeds of a breakup between him and his loved one.
once that happens and after you've murdered all of his other friends he will come crying to you for help.
get him drunk and wait for him to pass out.
 once that has happened its time to strip him of his clothes and fill the fleshlight with super glue. once done attach it as you would normally attach one of the.
then use the leftover glue to mix with the lube and now insert the cucumber up the fuckers ass.
take lots of photo's before you proceed to the next step.
now take him outside and tie him to a lightpole. the end.

[bray182]

wow Chal looks like your a trend setter lol

[Z00111111]

I'm a little worried that Shadowice is actually requesting Chalice do that to him...

Chal is a fucked up mother fucker, but in a good way. That shit was just wrong Shadow...

[KARNAGE]

thats just freaky and wrong