Chalice
Clan Mascot
Karma: 584
Posts: 7404
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« Reply #2 on: 13/07/2009, 10:39 AM » |
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Well Paradox....I'm glad you asked.
The problem isn't that your depressed...indeed no..the real problem is that everyone else is far too happy.
So here's what to do -
You'll need a few things first - 1 x pen, 1 x notepad, 10 litres of brake fluid, 10 kgs Salt, 1 pair of scissors, a roll of clear fishing line, 10 metal rulers, some superglue, a couple of packets of small tacks or nails,10 packets of razor blades, an evil looking clown mask, 1 can of grey/black spray paint, some brown food dye and a ninja outfit...including ninja climbing claws.
Here's what to do -
Step 1 - Walk the streets on a saturday arvo and using your pen and note pad take down the addresses of people happily washing their cars and mowing their lawns.
Step 2 - On a Sunday night, don your Ninja outfit and using your climbing claws scale the side of your nearest hospitals walls. Just like in the movies you can use your ninja claws to cut a circle in a window and gain entrance to the building
Step 3 - Make your way to the maternity ward and attempt to locate a woman about to give birth
Step 4 - Now wait and once the baby has been delivered the nurse will take the baby away from the mother and clean it...usually before they present the baby to the expecting dad...at this point using your ninja skills you need to quickly duck in and pour the brown food dye over the baby and then make your escape...preferably using a smoke bomb and a flash
Step 5 -Now that stage 1 is complete..its time to get serious...still using your uber ninja skills locate the common jogging and cycling path that people in your area using...place your fishing line across this path at ankle height...and set your razor blades into the cracks in the pavement.
Step 6 - Get your rulers and superglue the tacks/nails pointy side up onto the flat edge of the ruler and spray paint it black/grey...now place your make shift spike trap on the common path bikes take...most cyclists carry a spare tube..so make sure you place another one 100mtrs down the road to really fuck him.
Step 7 - Its time to don your ninja outfit again...this time put on your evil clown mask and wander your neighbourhood tapping on little kiddies windows...for best results start subtle, then get scary...this is to ensure that future people aren't happy, after all prevention is the best cure huh?
Step 8 - remember how you took notes on people in step 1? Grab your Salt and your brake fluid and lets hit the town...brake fluid on his/her car will take their pride and happiness away from them and pour the salt on those peoples lawns who were happily mowing them...scorched earth mother f^&kers wwwwwwooooooooootttttttttttt
And thats it buddy..there are alot of other alternatives, but these a just few ideas to start you off...if you've done everything i've mentioned here right, you'll take the happiest moment in a new born parents lives from them as the wife has to explain that she hadn't slept with a black man to the new father...you would've tripped a jogger and then scarred him/her for life as they fell onto the razor blades, cycling will become very frustrating and expensive suddenly and young children everywhere will become insomniacs, causing them to have no energy and miss out on the best years of their life...not to mention have a terrible fear of clown.
Even if theyre still happy after all that...wont you feel better?
Hope that helps,
Chalice
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