A question was asked of me last night..."Chalice...do you know how to overclock your PC"
To which of course i responded "Of course I am the guru"
For those of you wondering how to do this...ignore any "Technical" advice you may be given and take one of these two pathways, that will ensure success
Number 1 - Includes liquid cooling upgrade
As overclocking tends to increase the heat generated from the PC...my patented Liquid cooling system is a must if choosing choice number 1 which is my simple 13 step program
Materials needed - A commercial welder, 4 oompa loompa helpers, Safety goggles (cuz your eyes are important), 1 grandfather clock, 8 standard clocks of varying sizes, a bucket of water, an IV drip, a bottle of scotch, a machette, some super glue and some 3 inch steel cable
Step 1 - remove all hardware from your PC case
Step 2 - To ensure that their is no longer power going to the parts - pour the bucket of water over them
Step 3 - open the case of the grandfather clock and using a pencil draw a stencil around where you want the PC hardware to sit
Step 4 - Put on your safety goggles
Step 5 - Drink the bottle of scotch with the Oompa Loompa's and sing some of their wacky songs with them...now that they're relaxed...move onto step 6
Step 6 - Get the Oompa Loompa's to hold the hardware in place in the grandfather clock
Step 7 - Using the commercial welder weld the PC hardware into place in the grandfather clock- This can be tiresome...so if you get bored, randomly burn one of the Oompa Loompa's with the welder...that'll keep the little fuckers on their toes.
Step 8 - Now that your Oompa Loompa's are terrified..laugh maniacally and using your machette remove their hands (they will be used later)..they're not "Living in harmony" anymore are they?
Step 9 - Remove the Oompa Loompa corpses to an out of the way location...avoid tripping hazards..think OH&S people
Step 10 - Now that your hardware is welded in place inside the grandfather clock...its time to get to work...taking your 8 standard clocks you need to remove the hands from them and substitute them with the Oompa Loompa hands (Oompa Loompa hands are far better)...fix them in place using the super glue
Step 11 - Using the 3 inch steel cable, weld it from clock to clock and then connect it to the PC's hardware using a main cable...if you get too bored you can use any spare cable to prop up your Oompa Loompa bodies and throw Ninja stars at them.
Step 12 - You know how at the back of your PC there are all those little ports...where you plug your headphones/speakers into? Insert the needle from the I.V. drip into the orange plug and commence the flow from the I.V. bag...that should take care of the liquid cooling, just remember to replace the bag when its empty.
Step 13 - You now need to configure the software...go into START, Control Panel, Device manager and click the clock square.
The result should be an Art Deco PC covered in clocks that have tiny little orange hands stuck to them that drip blood everywhere and every time you kill an enemy etc.. the grandfather clock should chime...cool huh? In addition, you now have some Ninja star targets too.
The other way to overclock your pc is to simple click the clock in the bottom right of your window and adjust the time forward...its up to you on how much you want to "overclock" it by...but this way you dont get Ninja star targets or the satisfaction of slaying those little orange singing freaks with a machette
Hope that helps,
Chalice
I.T. guru
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