Jokes *May Offend*

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22/06/2023, 10:15 AM Syklone - ..... hi

18/02/2023, 07:10 PM Damit - https://discord.gg/fYqDFYx

18/02/2023, 07:09 PM Damit - join us on Discord https://discord.com/inv... ite/fYqDFYx

29/11/2022, 12:19 PM BoHiCa - YESSSSSS

26/10/2022, 04:27 PM Victor9-5 - yooooooooooooo!

21/05/2021, 06:19 AM DonutKing - First post

28/08/2020, 08:39 AM Damit - its because we are all on discord now mrx

29/07/2020, 07:42 PM MrX - Its a bit dead round here

29/07/2020, 07:42 PM MrX - Anybody playing COD 

26/03/2020, 10:52 AM Epsoma - Hey Team. Locked down in self isolation. Hope you all are good.

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[Damit]

Ok post all your jokes here  :dthumbup:

[Flynix]

A Really Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

[KezKa]

flynix thats not funny thats just gay it took me 1 minute of my life to read that and thats so bad and not funny but ily

[Flynix]

just because your emo

[bageled]

>>
>> A Catholic priest, an Indian Doctor, a Rich Chinese business man and an
>> Aussie were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers
>> in  front of them.
>>
>> The Aussie fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting
>> for 15 minutes"
>>
>> The Indian doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
Poor  golf"
>>
>> The Chinese business man called out, "Move it, Time is money"
>>
>> The Catholic priest said "Here comes George the greens keeper. Lets have
>> a word with him.. " Hello, George what's wrong with that group ahead of us?
>> They're rather slow aren't they" George the greens keeper replied,
"Oh  yes   that's a group of blind firemen  They lost their sight in an explosion
>> while
>> saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play
>> for  free anytime".
>>
>> The group fell silent for a moment.
>>
>> The Catholic priest said, "That's so sad I think I'll say a special
>> prayer for them tonight".
>>
>> The Indian Doctor said "Good idea. I'm going to contact my
>> ophthalmologist colleagues and see if there's anything he can do for them."
>>
>> The Chinese Business man replied, "I think I'll donate �50,000 to the
>> Fire Brigade in honour of these brave souls"!.
>>
And
>> The Aussie said "Why can't they #*#*ing play at night?"
>>

[Jakes2142]

how do you know when things couldn't get any worse?

When ur reflection won't look at you

[Damit]

Stop quoting =3 jakes

[Jakes2142]

[Chalice]

Since the missus went senile all she does is stare through the window...

Maybe one day, if its really fucking wet and rreeeaaallly fucking cold...I'll let her in.

[KARNAGE]

"ya mum's so fat when she sits down she speeds up the rotation of the earth!"

"in principle yes, but the effect is so small as to be impossible to measure"

"true, even at her weight, no device could get an accurate reading"

"especially since ya mum's mass tends to wrap the curvature of space around here"

[KARNAGE]

"Hey, want to play String Theory Chess?"

"sure, how do you play?"

"fucked if I know"

[bageled]

GHOST SEX
 
A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.
 
To get a feel for his audience, he asks,
'How many people here believe in ghosts?'
 
About 90 students raise their hands.

Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'
 
About 40 students raise their hands.
 
That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'
 
About 15 students raise their hand.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'
 
Three students raise their hands.

That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'
 
Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.
 
The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been  giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'
 
The Middle Eastern muslim student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.
 
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'
 
Ahmed replied, "Shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats."

[KezKa]

bageled thats so messed up

[Project Alpha]

rofl bangeled

[redivan]

Had a chat to the kids about dying.
I said if I am ever left in a vegetative state needing a machine and a bottle to live , I want them to unplug it.

They unplugged my computer and throw out my wine.
Little shits.



What has 26 legs and can't climb a ladder?

The Melbourne Storm



Whats green and smells like pork?
Kermit's finger

[Project Alpha]

haha that first one is gold.