Jokes *May Offend*

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22/06/2023, 10:15 AM Syklone - ..... hi

18/02/2023, 07:10 PM Damit - https://discord.gg/fYqDFYx

18/02/2023, 07:09 PM Damit - join us on Discord https://discord.com/inv... ite/fYqDFYx

29/11/2022, 12:19 PM BoHiCa - YESSSSSS

26/10/2022, 04:27 PM Victor9-5 - yooooooooooooo!

21/05/2021, 06:19 AM DonutKing - First post

28/08/2020, 08:39 AM Damit - its because we are all on discord now mrx

29/07/2020, 07:42 PM MrX - Its a bit dead round here

29/07/2020, 07:42 PM MrX - Anybody playing COD 

26/03/2020, 10:52 AM Epsoma - Hey Team. Locked down in self isolation. Hope you all are good.

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[Damit]

Ok post all your jokes here  :dthumbup:

[KARNAGE]

I recently found out that when using the urinal 33% of men hold their cock with their left hand and 67% use their right.
89% wanted to know why I was watching them piss.

People can be so easy to read. Like if their face is red, they're embarrassed. Or if their skin is brown, they're about to commit a crime.



I confessed to my girlfriend that I'd lost my previous job as a primary school teacher for having sex with someone in my care.

She was horrified- "Oh my GOD! You're a paedo, get the hell away from me!"

I replied quickly "No I phrased that badly, I didn't have sex with one of the children"

"Oh thank God for that." she said in relief.

"But I am banned from keeping rabbits for ten years" I added.

[KARNAGE]

What's the difference between a walrus and Tupperware?

They're both looking for a tight seal
(stolen from Splode!)

[Number One]

whats the difference between pink and purple....








the grip..

[Holzy]

What's the difference between a walrus and Tupperware?

They're both looking for a tight seal
(stolen from Splode!)

I tell a similar joke (that goes like this)

Why did the Walrus go to the Tupperware party?

...To find a tight Seal

[KARNAGE]

HD porn is so clear, you can almost see the parents disappointment

[DonutKing]

Never noticed that but you can definitely see the pimples and ingrown hairs

[Number One]

not a joke but funny none the less.

How to Survive a Horror Movie
December 23rd, 2011
A quick run-down should you ever find yourself trapped in a horror movie and would prefer to live to tell the tale.

1. Don’t have sex.
- Seriously, Abstinence is key

2. Don’t go out with people you’ve just met that day.
- I don’t care what he says, he is cuckoo bananas, and he wants you dead

3. Don’t go to camp. Especially one where someone was murdered.
- There are six words you should YouTube, should you get the chance, “Kevin Bacon in Friday the 13th”

4. Find a good hiding place and… STAY THERE.
- If the killer can’t see you or hear you WHY WOULD YOU MOVE?
— Possibly the easiest rule to follow and, ironically enough, the most broken

5. Always wear sensible shoes, ‘cause you never know when you’ll need to run through the woods.
- Someone will always be barefoot
- Or in heels
- Or just plain clumsy
- And will sprain their ankles
- And die

6. If the town looks deserted, it’s probably because everyone is dead.
- Don’t walk around looking for people

7. Don’t be a hero.
- Unless your name is Harry Fucking Potter, you will die
- Hell, maybe even then

8. If you hear something creepy in the distance, like a dog’s yelp cut off mid-bark, don’t investigate.
- The killer is there
- Also your dog is dead

9. Always check the backseat before entering your vehicle.
- The last thing you need is to be killed while trying to merge on the expressway

10. If your car breaks down in front of a dilapidated gas station, don’t ask a sketchy-looking townie for help.
- Some part of your body will wind up in his pick-up truck

11. Don’t go into the basement.
- They are creepy enough without you dying in one

12. If you’re trying to buy a house and the real estate agent won’t answer any direct questions about either the history of the home or the previous tenants, DO NOT MOVE IN.
- At some point, someone in the house heard voices and cracked

13. Turn off the television (and run away) if a girl crawls out of it.
- It is obviously your wisest choice

14. If the walls of your house bleed, do not attempt an exorcism.
- Move very very far away
- Because there’s blood on your walls
- Your
- Walls
- Are
- Bleeding
- Run

15. Don’t act like a detective.
- Some crazy Japanese kid who meows like a cat will attack you in a closet

16. Google the location where you’ll be vacationing.
- If more than five reports for “Missing Persons” pops up, you know not to go there
- Issue
- Solved

17. Don’t get drunk or come under the influence of any mind-altering drug.
- Running away from a killer is that much harder when you’re tipsy and giggling

18. If you see someone in a mask, don’t assume it’s one of your friends playing a trick on you to scare you.
- It is the killer
- He will kill you

19. Don’t take a shower.
ONLY APPLIES IF:
- It’s past midnight at the campground you and your friends are staying at or the lock to the door doesn’t work and you hear creepy piano music

20. If the call is coming from inside the house, get out.
- Clearly the killer is not outside, now is he

[KARNAGE]

some new ones I learned

How do you get 100 babies in a bucket?

with a blender

How do you get 100 babies out of a bucket?

with doritos


How do you have a fair fight with a wog?

take out his SIM card






What do you call 100 asians in a plastic bag?







Clean up Australia day

[KARNAGE]

A bear and a rabbit are walking in the woods one day and they see a bottle. They rub it and as was expected, a genie pops out. The Genie says

"I will grant you 3 wishes each"

the bear says "I wish all the other bears were female"
The genie makes it happen

The rabbit says "I wish I had a helmet"
The genie makes it happen

The bear says "I wish I had the best sex-drive of all the bears"
The genie made it happen

The Rabbit says "I wish I had a motorbike" (along with the ability to ride one, of course)
The genie made it happen

The bear says "I wish I had a bigger dick"
The genie makes it happen

The rabbit then jumps on his motorbike, straps on the helmet and says "I wish the bear was gay" and rides off.

[addappt]

Whats green and slimey and smells like bacon?



Kermit the frogs finger!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------


Why did god create the yeast infection?



So women would know whats its like to live with an annoying cunt too!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------



Whats the differnence between a pizza and a jew?



A pizza doesnt scream when you throw it in the oven!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whats the difference between a fridge and a woman?



A fridge doesnt fart when you take your meat out!

[KARNAGE]

George Michael has recently sent his sympathies to the sunken italian cruise ship by saying "I'm often left abandoned and laying on my side with a badly damaged bottom and seamen inside me after a nights cruising"

[KARNAGE]

whats harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
nailing it to a puppy

what do you get when you peel a baby?
and erection

what happens to a baby after you put it in the microwave?
I dunno but its really warm to fuck with after

whats red and crawls up your leg?
a homesick abortion

[KARNAGE]

How is a black guy and a bicycle similar?

They dont work unless you put a chain on them



A local lesbian was found dead after an all-night liqour-thon. police believe she overdosed on crack
(if you dont get it, say it)

[Syklone]

Chalice

[Damit]

Chalice

thats so funny