Well Crypto...I'm glad you asked!!!
First of all...the shit you'll do to get head is ridiculous!
Now..onto question A.
Apparantely you can beat a polygraph by inserting a thumb tack into your shoe and when asked the "control questions" (your name etc_ ..press down on the tack, this will constrict your breathing and raise your blood pressure , so any lie you do make (without pressing on the tack) will fall below that line and read as truth..
BUT in this case you have no need to lie, so you just need to act and look cool...I recommend wearing a cream suit, tie undone but on, NEVER and I mean fucking NEVER take off your sunnies!! Whether its a non smoking facility or not, conituously smoke and be sure to blow the smoke at the tester before answering any questions...maybe turn the tables and ask the tester whether they've ever killed a man or know what human flesh tastes like...cuz you do...
Shit like that...worst case..freak the fuck out, begin squealing in a high pitch tone constantly then escalate it quickly and loudly whilst ripping off your clothes...shit in your hand, smear it on the 2 way mirror...run to the corner, enter the fetal position, smear it on yourself, eat some if possible...begin rocking.
Onto question 2 ...what are the best spots to scuba dive...easy!
Your hotel room of course, cuz you should be so fucking smashed that you mistake the bathtub for the fukin ocean if youre doing it right
Hope that helps!
Chal