Exercise advice

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[Carples]

Well Chalice I have notice you giving exercise advice in the past and thought you might be able to help me
I noticed the other day some silver tail corporate hag wining that new parents might not be tired only because of babies being noisy at night (I find ear plugs help)  but because they have to lift their fat babies so many times a day she says a total of 900kg of lifting.
Then I was on the floor playing with my little one and she was enjoying being bench pressed immensely.
So my daughter is 9-10Kg could you suggest some baby exercises for me, keep in mind she must be lifted directly or by the scruff of the jump suit with minimal changes in orientation, I also have a jumping frame with a bar attached that could be used.
So far I have
Baby press and baby curls.
any advice would be appreciated.
Thank you
Carples

[cryptochild4]

wow, i remember a mad magazine that had this exact thing in it about 15 years ago. shame i dont have it anymore

[Chalice]

Well Carples...I'm glad you asked.

Using exercises such as bench pressing the child and bicep curls is all well and good...

BUT I think you should aim for the top, become the mother fuckin champ you know?

As such I recommend you register with the WBTC (World Baby tossing championships) and go for gold mate...GO ...FOR...GOLD!

The WBTC caters for events such as -

Baby Shotput (ages 1 week - 2 months only) - Ideal Training = Place a matress on the florr and against a wall...repetatively throw the baby against the wall.

Baby Discus ( 1 week - 1 month old) - Ideal training = Grab bub by the feet spin a max of 3 spins and release, I recommend aiming for the running blender for increased accuracy..rinse and repeat.

Hammer Throw (1 month - 3 months old ) - Ideal Training - Tie a cord around bub's feet, hold cord tight & spin (max of 3 spins ) and release across busy highway..if they make it across you're all set to chase that WBTC dream.


Hope that helps, good luck and know I'll be cheering for you.

Chal


p.s. I'm going to hell

[Carples]

Well chal unfortunately you responded to slow for me to take advantage of freely available equipment i.e. my baby as she is now 8 months old and as such far out side regulation age.
I went to rebel sport in hopes of buy a suitable regulation baby but unfortunately they only sell the regulation baby neck brace, helmet and hammer throw harness. it should be noted here that the regulation harness is required to firmly attach to ankles, hips and have should straps in a 5 point harness arrangement to prevent possible hip joint dislocation, or spinal damage, and the hammer throw is a recommended treatment for mild spinal scoliosis when shoulder straps are removed and under proper medical supervision.
Previously you have mentioned producing babies for sale and I would like to know when you will have new stock available for sale?
The allure of being a world champion I must admit is very attractive, and would go nicely besides my award for baby juggling attempted world record. The current world record hold had Twins its not fair. Below is a video of my world record attempt
<iframe width="854" height="480" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/wzpjXdxXnJg?fs=1&start=" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[Chalice]

ROFL +1