Death Inc

Something i found on the net

As I was going to St. Ives
I met a man with seven wives
And every wife had seven sacks
And every sack had seven cats
And every cat had seven kits.

Kits, cats, sacks, wives
How many were going to St. Ives?

A: Assuming the narrator...

...met the man, wives, cats, sacks, and kits by walking towards them, then just one person was going to Saint Ives. The rest were heading back home in the other direction. And that in fact is the traditional answer to this question. One.

However, is there any possibility that the man, wives, cats, etc. joined the road from another, and then they met the narrator and were also going in his same direction to Saint Ives? In that case, you would have 2 men, 7 women, and 56 cats all going to Saint Ives.

So, let’s say our narrator was from Zennor, or possibly he was from Pendeen or Morvah, but that doesn’t really matter. In any case he was going to Saint Ives along B3306. And then let’s assume that the man, wives and cat menagery were from Towednack, or maybe they actually were from Higher Trenowen and had spent the night with one of the man’s very many in-laws in Penderleath, and we must also assume the man actually had divorced six of the wives so as not the break the laws of England against bigamy, so it was actually a man with one wife, six ex-wives and 56 felines that were travelling to Saint Ives along B3311.

And then they all stopped for a spot of tea in Hellesveor (although the scones are much better at the caf alongside the Tregenna Castle Hotel and Golf Club, but that costs extra and is out of the way) and they all met when waiting in line for the loo (tea does that to you, you know). And assuming the tea shoppe allowed the women to bring the cats and kits in their sacks into the place, then you would indeed have 2 men, 7 women, and 56 cats all going to Saint Ives. Or at least, going to Saint Ives once they had all finished their business and had started out along Higher Stennack.

Do you think the restaurant had cat boxes available or did all the kitties have to suffer in those sacks all the way in to Saint Ives?

On the other hand, perhaps the man hadn’t divorced the wives and so was in police custody being taken to jail in Saint Ives on charges of bigamy (and possibly insurance fraud - you know how THAT goes) and the cats were in the custody of the RSPCA and the wives had hired lawyers to defend themselves against charges of polygamy and animal cruelty (no, it turned out that there weren’t any cat boxes). THAT would make 2 men, 7 women, 56 cats, two policemen, two animal care specialists, 7 lawyers, and 14 legal assistants all going to Saint Ives. And possibly there was one optimistic bail bondsman following along hoping for the business.

Of course, a crowd of that size, with all the lights flashing, would attract the press, so now you have to add fifteen papparazzi into the mix. And then there are the neighbors and the lookieloos and their dogs (the British do love their dogs). Before you know it, you end up with 1,527 people and an equal number of animals all heading to Saint Ives. The numbers could be different, however depending on whether you consider members of the press to be fully human or some sort of predatory animal.

.

And then what if some of the wives were pregnant?

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On the other hand, what if our narrator changed his mind entirely about going to Saint Ives because Manchester United was defending their title on the telly so he figured he would just put the trip off until tomorrow. Besides, his wife (just the one) had made steak and kidney for high tea and he certainly didn’t want to miss that.

Then no one would be going to Saint Ives except the odd tourist and an even odder American. With cats. In a bag.

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