Death Inc

Chalice wrote this in TS when he was bored, waiting for Bohica to come back from having a shit.

[Chalice Start's RPG]

You have come to a dead end at a brick wall...there is fungus growing on the wall and a flickering light above your head.
The air feels humid and there is a sound of what appears to be a fan coming from behind the wall.

[EXAMINE]

You examine the wall closely and can see nothing of interest

[LOOK UP]

You look up and are momentarily blinded by the light

[HINT]

Your an idiot

[F#$K YOU]

Get f#$ked hack...try

[COLLECT]

...mororn

[COLLECT]

You collect the fungus...as you are putting the fungus in your pocket you notice it glows in the dark

[SMOKE FUNGUS]

You sit down with your back to the wall and light up a spliff of magic fungus...hours later you realize you've been staring at the pretty light and have soiled yourself

[WIPE BUM]

You wipe yourself clean

[EXAMINE COCK]

You find nothing of interest

[CRY]

You are such a little bitch

[GO BACK]

You head back along the hallway and come to a T intersection...which way would you like to head?

that is gold chalice.

thanks for posting bohica

Well i was waiting on TS for about 1/2 hour for him to get back and i thought i'd do this to crack him up when he FINALLY got back...didnt think he'd post it...bastard

holy crap that was excellent :o

ROFLMAO

still i cant believe you wrote all that
and what was going through your head

Ahahaahaha!

lololololololol, bloody awsome

Chalice, you so crazeh!

your a sick man!!! ps. I love you

I'm so glad you revived this...this is one of my fondest memories *sniff*

what the hell is this

and why are you bumping a 2 year old topic

I wrote this is TS whilst waiting for Bohica who was AFK..leave him alone, he can bump my shit anytime...that sounded wrong :(

You heard it here first folks... lentz can bump chalice's shit whenever he likes.

(He is in the navy after all)

*shakes head* *walks away*

lentz will follow you :)

[NEW PLAYER HAS JOINED]

Lentz spits in his hand, a tear forms in his eye.

 [FOLLOW PLAYER 'CHALICE']

no sequel? shame.

Hmm...I could start one and let you guys call the actions and "solve the quest"- Examine, go left etc.?

We'll give it a go...remember commands must be actions, turn on light, look up, turn handle..examine gives further info on stuff etc..

[START RPG 2)

You have awoken in a dark room, so dark you think you may be blind.  A clock somewhere in the room ticks away rhymically and your nose feels..odd.  You have no idea how you got here, your last memory was of you playing a fantasy rape game with a chinese hooker in a cheap brothel near the CBD and skulling bourbon like a madman.  You're laying on your back, a headache from hell pounding away in your ears and your balls itch terribly but when you go to scratch them your realize that your hands are tied above your head to something.  Panic has set in.

well try to stand up
I'm hoping our legs aren't tied together as well

If they are... well you could try screaming for help until either help arrives or our captor comes to shut us up

Commands Donut..commands like below :D

[STAND UP]

You attempt to stand up...but you cant...your hands are tied above your head, from the feel of it you are laying on a matress and your hands are possibly tied to a bed head.

try scratching balls by wiggling thighs

[SCRATCH BALLS BY WRIGGLING THIGHS]

You being wriggling on the bed trying desperately to ease the itch in your groin...on the bed next to you, someone groans and you realize for the first time....that you're not alone and that the smell in the room seems to be coming from them!!!  Worst of all the itch remains and is becoming unbearable.

[raise hands to see what they are attached too]

You attempt to raise your hands, paying attention to what is binding them..it feels soft, lace like and not that tight and you're now sure are attached to the bed head. As you move with the wriggling and the testing of bonds another groan emits from the person..that seems to be laying beside you in the bed..the smell coming from them is overpowering.

[free hands, quietly]

With a vast amount of effort you manage to free your hands, taking care not to make any sudden movements and let the other person in the room know you're awake.

Your hands are now free, you are still laying on the bed and it is still completely dark in the room...you have no recollection of what has occurred and are completely disorientated, the smell coming from the person next to makes you gag..you will vomit soon.

[LOOK FOR STICK-LIKE ITEM]

Freaking out, thinking that you may have been kidnapped by smurfs, again, you look for a stick like object.

There are no stick like objects laying on the bed...a little bit of vomit came up into your mouth and your balls are still insanely itchy

[asks if they can hear you]

You quietly ask the person nearby if they can hear you? In response they roll over and you feel a large arm drape over your body, but do not answer back and continue breathing heavily.

HOWEVER..as they have rolled over to drape their arm over you the stench has become unbearable and you vomit all over yourself and the bed..the person has still not responded, but your chest is now covered in vomit.

You need to work out where you are and who this person is..then get out asap

move the arm of the other person

[MOVE ARM]

you quietly and as gently as possible lift the arm off you..as you do you notice their is vomit on their arm as well.

You are still laying on the bed, in the dark..with no idea where you are or whats happened, now covered in vomit, the smell is still overpowering and you feel like chucking again and your balls still itch like crazy

[vomit on other person]

You just cant hold it in anymore..the stench is unbearable and you vaguely remember doing shots of something last night, the combination is too much and you lean over and vomit all over the person in the bed next to you...wiping the stringy bits off your mouth your suprised that they keep on snoring...your stomach is now..thankfully empty.

You are still laying on the bed, in the dark..with no idea where you are or whats happened, stillcovered in vomit, the smell is still overpowering but now all you can do is gag and dry heave as your stomachs empty and your balls still itch like crazy
 

well since you keep complaining about it I guess we should [scratch balls]

You lay on the bed in the dark, covered in vomit and scratch your insanely itchy balls..it doesn't help and you think you felt something crawling down there.  You suspect you now have crabs.

[put crab in inventory]

[check for traps]

You manage to grab a single crab and stick it in your shirt pocket..whether it will stay there or not is yet to be seen

For some unknown reason you check for traps on the bed..there are no traps on the bed.

You are STILL FUCKING laying on the bed IN THE DARK, person is layiong next to you and you have no idea where you are, how you got there or who this person is...your balls still itch and you are covered in vomit.

[get out of bed and feel along the wall for an exit]

(now you thinking)

You get out of bed and slip over your own vomit, you're not quite sure how much you had to drink last night but you sure as hell had alot.

Because the room is so dark, you stumble over shit in an effort to find an exit.  You stub your toe and knock something over that breaks.

[feel for light switch on wall]

You grope around blindly and find a light swith turning it on, it takes you a few seconds for your eyes to adjust, a moan comes from the bed as the light has obviously disturbed the other persons rest.

In the bed is an extremely large, overweight female...you think...she has multiple oozing zits on her face, she is completely naked, her underarms are hairier than yours and as she groans you can see several of her teeth have rotted away to stumps.

Going by the crabs  and the limpness of your penis...it appears you have had intercourse with this person.

She opens one eye and in a rather deep and husky voice says "Are you still staying for breakfast sweetheart?"

[yes]
Never turn down a free meal

You respond with a polite "yes", still disorientated and wondering how much you had to drink to be able to even contemplate fucking taht..that..that thing, let alone actually do it.  

It...rolls over and looks at you, half of..its...stomach now lays on the mattress, saliva has formed on the corner of ITS mouth and you find yourself thinking that IT looks like an albino Jabba the Hutt when it says ..

"I cant believe you asked me to marry you last night...YIPEEE I'm getting married today"

Search the Room for anything that can be used as a weapon...

You look around the room, there are empty pizza boxes lying everywhere and it smells disgusting, your clothes are scattered all over the room.  there is a dresser next to the bed and a cupboard against the left hand wall..the door is on the right hand wall and a window on the other side of the bed.


Almost anything can be used as a weapon in the room...however IT, is not making any hostile moves...unless you count being butt ugly as assault?

Ask her what her name is... so we can stop referring to it as "IT" :P

[ask for a shower]
[search for wire brush to scrub self with, to wash away the shame]

[get cloths on]

Chal, are you having flash backs to the melb DI meet again?

[Ask Name]

You ask IT her name? IT briefly opens one eye and says "sweety..your kidding right my little cuddly wuddly bear?"

As...IT's saying this you feel bile rise in the back of your throat again because as...IT's...speaking you cant help but stare at the jelly type mass of flesh under it chin, because it keeps moving and swaying long after..IT...finishes speaking.

You shudder and decide that fuck it..you dont give a flying fuck what ITS name is.

 

[Ask for shower]

You ask IT for a shower, but get no response..IT has gone back to sleep..you must have really sated her needs last night for..IT..to be this pleased and tired.

Instead you have a quick look the apartment and after stepping over piles of garbage, ratshit, half eaten pizzas and even a dead cat, you locate the shower

You have entered the bathroom...there is mold all over the wash basin, the toilet's plumbing doesn't seem to work as there is a large build up of fece's in the bowl, flies swarm all over it.

You peel back the shower curtain and decide not to have a shower after all..the mold build up is possibly lethal, there is even a used tampon in one corner of the shower.

In the basin cabinet you find a semi clean cloth and after wetting it attempt to clean yourself..but all you seem to be doing is smearing the vomit more and releasing the tangy odour of foul sex from your body.

You re-enter the bedroom

[Put clothes on]

Deciding that you've had enough of this shit..you put your clothes on.

You are now wearing a blue collared tshirt that is covered in different varieties of alcohol and is nearly torn in two..from your guess you'd say that..IT..did it when..IT..was in a hurry to get your gear off.  In the shirt pocket you find a piece of paper with a phone number on it  and a silver key.

you put on your socks and jocks but you cant find your pants, no matter how hard you look...you put onyour shoes in case you need to make a quick escape..they are a nice pair of DC's

[INVENTORY]
A piece of paper with phone number
A Silver Key
A ripped blue T shirt with a surfer dude on the back
A pair of Calvin Klein jocks
A pair of Socks with a hole in the big toe
A pair of nice DC shoes.

That bathroom bit mad me gag. No joke

[stand close to door, say "yeah, last night was *feels vomit in throat* great, and I..."]
[try to run out door, maybe IT cant go without a forklift]

You attempt to quietly leave the apartment, remembering how you were a Junior sprint champ, you get set to go.

You get your hand on the handle and gently turn it..."FUCK ITS LOCKED"

[look for a window, then open inventory and look at silver key]

You tip toe past the bed towards the window and look out..it appears you are on the 9th or tenth floor..too high to jump, but having glanced again at the THING on the bed..it may be worth the jump.

You pull out the key..it doesn't seem to be able to fit the window..which on testing is openable anyway, although you got a splinter prying it open...heading back to the door..the key doesn't fit that either..you put the key back in your pocket.

[INVENTORY]
A piece of paper with phone number
A Silver Key
A ripped blue T shirt with a surfer dude on the back
A pair of Calvin Klein jocks
A pair of Socks with a hole in the big toe
A pair of nice DC shoes.

Use the key on the door

There doesnt appear to be anywhere to fit the key on the front door...you could try examining the door?

Examine the door.

You examine the door, there seems to be security bolts on the top and bottom that are in place...they look like they could be slid open.

[take out key from inventory, try open security bolts]

You take out the key..and stare from the key to the bolts..key..to the bolts..you put the key away as there is no key hole on the bolts.

You gently pull down the top bolt and it comes free...as you are freeing the bottom bolt...IT sits up in bed at the sound of the bolt scraping and screams "where are you going..you said you'd marry me?" ..spittle flys everywhere and because she's naked you see her breasts sit on her lap when shes sitting up and her stomach is near her knees.

You feel like vomiting again.

ummm... lie about going to get some breakfast?

You put on your best acting voice and say "I'm just ducking out to get us some breakfast my little sweet pea"

"Oh..arent you a darling..but dont worry about it, i've got some pizza left over here somewhere...why dont you come back to bed and give me some sugar?" she replies

You continue to slowly open the lock bar, trying to think of an answer...your stomach is churning at the thought of going anywhere near IT

[open door then proceed to slam door and run down stairs(specifically not the elevator) take out note on the run and examine]

You say "no worries my little pudding pie" and take 2 steps towards her..as she lays pack down..you quickly  open the door burst thru it, slamming it shut on the way out.

You hear a shriek of rage coming from the room behind you and hear IT shoot to ITS feet and begin running towrads the door after you...IT is chasing you.

You have no time to look at the note yet as IT is coming fast and have no idea where you are, let alone know which way the stairs or elevator lies.

You are now in a corridor, there are identical doors lining the corridor and it appears to be a very run down set of apartments.

In front of you is another identical door, to the left the corridor continues and you can just make out what MAY be an elevator.

To the right at the end of the corridor is a window, at the end of this corridor is a faintly flikering exit sign

Do you GO LEFT, or GO RIGHT?

[run to exit sign]

You sprint down to the right as fast as you can..behind you, you can hear the door crash open and IT has appeared in the hall way, somehow she has managed to throw on a bra and giant panties in that time..she see's you and starts running after you, the stomach fat rolling, reminds you of the ocean.

At the end of the corridor you have come to the window, looking quickly out you see that the drop would kill you.

To the left is an emergency exit door, to the right another apartment door...IT is coming up fast

What would you like to do..go thru the emergency door or try the apartment door?

[Open exit door then sneak into appartment and lock door]

In a feinting manouveur you quickly open the exit door, then sneak into the apartment and shut the door behind you.

You take a moment to congratulate yourself on your sheer brilliance..until you come to the conclusion that

1. IT was in the corridor as well and clearly saw your brilliant tactic and....

2.The grandmother whose apartment you have burst into is screaming her head off as all she see's in a panic scricken man with a torn shirt, that covered in vomit burst into her apartment.

IT has reached the door and is now banging on it trying to get in.

You are in an apartment..to the left is a bathroom, in front is a lounge room/bedroom with a window on the far wall...outside the window you can make out a fire escape.

What would you like to do?

[set fire to apartment to activate fire escape]
[escape]

Spotting some metho on the bench of the grandma's apartment you quickly douse the door with it and light it with a lighter you've found on a coffee table..the grandma seeing this flees into the bathroom and locks the door in a panic.

You dive thru the glass of the window onto the fire escape...there is a ladder going up eventually reaching the roof & a ladder going down eventually reaching the ground.

Meanwhile there was absolutely no need to set fire to the apartment and from the shrieks coming from inside the apartment...granny's on fire.  IT on the other hand is nowhere to be seen.

Do you go UP or Down?

[INVENTORY] FROM NOW ON YOU MUST SAY [CHECK INVENTORY] TO ACCESS THIS
A piece of paper with phone number
A Silver Key
A ripped blue T shirt with a surfer dude on the back
A pair of Calvin Klein jocks
A pair of Socks with a hole in the big toe
A pair of nice DC shoes.
A Cigarette lighter

[Wait for movement outside , open note with number on it , read note , gag grandma I don't know why just do it]

You stop on the fire escape..panting for air, sickened with yourself that you had fucked that...that...that thing.

You pull out the note, at some point it has gotten wet and the ink has run slightly but you can make out the words "Got your stuff" under that is the ph number 51271188

You put the note away then decide to jump back into the burning apartment..you can still hear the scream of the granny burning in the bathroom...the flames are too hot..you cant get there...you feel a tiny little pang in your heart as you realize you've burnt this lady to death..then you head back outside to the fire escape and get over.

Do you go [UP] or {Down}

Go down!

You frantically climb down the fire escape ladder..at points even doing the mobie slide down the ladder..unintentional of of course.

Finally you hit the ground..and think you are safe.

You are in an alley behind you is the run down apartment building you have just escaped from...to your front is another building with a steel door backing onto the alley...to the left at the end of the alley is a busy street, going by the traffic and pedestrians, to the right is a dumpster, some boxes and at the far end a wire fence blocks off the alley although it does seem to continue on. 

What would you like to do?

[go left and wear all good clothes in inventory, try to blend in with crowd as you walk from what could have been hell on earth]

You head left and towards the busy street..you attempt to wipe off as much of the vomit as you can from your torn shirt front.

Acting as cool and calm as you can you attempt to blend in with the crowd...its not working and people are shying away from you and staring..one woman even screams as you walk past her...the sight of you wearing just underwear, no pants and a vomit stained, torn shirt IS rather conspicuous in hindsight, but...that doesn't stop you from smiling and nodding at people.

From the alley you just left you hear "THERE YOU ARE BUBBY!!!"

Looking back..dread in your heart..you see IT has appeared, she is at least now dressed so you are spared that sight.

You need to move quickly

IT is behind you, to the front is a jam packed street with shops just ahead..to the left is the apartment building you just left..to the right, across the street is another alley.

You have to move fast as IT is coming on strong..what do you do?

Across the street - into the other alley

You burst across the street, dodging traffic on the busy road..

behind you, set in hot pursuit, IT follows..

because..IT, isn't as agile as you she is struck by a car..she falls to the ground, hurls abuse at the driver and continues on unscathed...IT now reminds you of The Terminator,

You are in another alley, after running for several minutes the alley takes a 90 degree turn to the left.

Just past this corner..out of site from IT a homeless man has set up his sleeping site..here there is a large box and you can see a filthy blanket in it.  The homeless man is sitting next to the box, drinking out of a glass bottle.

Further on down the alley, a shop backs onto it..possibly a resteraunt by the smells coming down the alley.  At the far end is another busy street corner.

The sounds of IT's giant feet slapping the ground echo off the walls as she continues to give chase

What do you do?

[find a steel mill and lure IT into a vat of molten steel]

You frantically look about you for a steel mill and molten steel...then you snap the fuck out of it


How much did you drink last night you ask yourself.

Fighting a panic attack as the running steps echo closer..what do you do?

hide in the homeless bloke's shelter

You quickly leap into the box the homeless man sleeps in...he stands up and starts screaming at you to get out of his home as all his seen is a half naked guy, covered in vomit, sprint around the corner and leap into his box....maybe you should have asked first?

This clearly isn't going to work as the homeless man is very angry and hurling abuse at you..hiding here is no longer an option..what do you do?

[run into the restaurants back door and try get the smell to be a distraction]

You launch out of the box and shoot down the alley like a bullet..your target..the open door with the food smells emanating from it.

You burst into the back door and startle a chinese cook..from the looks of it, this is a chinese resteraunt.

There are numerous cooking utenils etc.. laying around on benches, cooks aprons hang just inside the door and thru the kitchen is the main dining area.

You have about 1 min before IT catches you...what do you do?

[put on apron and hold the biggest, sharpest utensil in the kitchen, when IT comes around close your eyes and say "he go froo the lestelant" and point at the dining area]

IT comes pounding thru the back door..directed there by the homeless guy you pissed off.

She is greeted by you...clearly you..wearing an apron and holding a large knife and waving it back and forth...trying to do your best asian impersonation.

It fails you are left wearing an apron..the rear of which still shows you undies as you have no pants on, holding a knife and staring at IT as she says "Whew haven't exercised taht much since last night!!!"

"NOW WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING?..you're marrying me today mister!!"

What the fuck do you do?

[INVENTORY] FROM NOW ON YOU MUST SAY [CHECK INVENTORY] TO ACCESS THIS
A piece of paper with phone number
A Silver Key
A ripped blue T shirt with a surfer dude on the back
A pair of Calvin Klein jocks
A pair of Socks with a hole in the big toe
A pair of nice DC shoes.
A Chefs Apron
A large Kitchen knife
A Cigarette lighter

[look around for anything flammable, that lighter could come in handy]

You casually look around for something flammable..trying not to take your eyes off IT..just like you wouln't a wild animal.

There are numerous gas burners at hand

[grab one, say "well i'd love to stay and chat but I have dignity". light gas burner, chuck it on the ground and run out of the dining area and out of the restaurant while IT has to deal with fire as big as IT's stomach]

You calmly say "well i'd love to stay and chat but I have dignity". You then attempt to lift the stove (thus the gas burner)..but cant, its too heavy and you have just put your back out.

(movement speed reduced 50%)

IT keeps coming closer, you cant take your eyes off the stubbly chin and huge arms "ITS A SPECIAL DAY FOR ME..I"M GOING TO BE A BEAUTIFULL BRIDE!!!!" She screams right in your face.

What do you do?

Poke her in her pudgy eyes and begin to run out the front door

Staring her in the face you quickly point to the wall and yell "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??" as her eyes break contact with yours you slam your fingers into her eye socket.

Because you haven't cut your nails recently you feel her right eye burst on your index finger, because in a panic you 've used too much force.

As you pull your fingers out of her eye socket you pull the eye out of its socket....IT'S right eye is hanging down her cheek...a normal person would freak, IT gets angry.

You burst thru the kitchen door into the main dining room, there are patrons sitting down eating meals everywhere..wending your way between tables you zig zag toward the front door desperately...behind you, from the crashing noises, IT is mereley up ending tables and barging a way thru the resteraunt behind you.

You bolt out the front door and find yourself on a main road...shops line the street, 100 meters to the left is a Cafe judging by the chairs and tables on the footpath, to the right are more shops, the street is crowded with people.

what do you do?

[run towards shops, if your really cunning then steal clothes and attempt to put them on as quickly as possible]

After quickly looking left and right you sprint to the right towards the shops...weaving in and out of the busy crowd.  You sprint past a clothing store and quiickly snatch a shirt and some trousers from the racks out the front.

Ducking into a store front you quickly don the new garments.

You are now wearing a ladies floral shirt that is 2 sizes too small for you and some brown corduroy pants that are 2 sizes too big.

you place your old shirt and apron on the ground and duck back into the street, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible whilst wearing a floral shirt that is choking the blood in your biceps and that you can feel tearing across your chest.

you are now heading down a busy street, up ahead you can see a train station on the right and across the street from that is a McDonalds...further along the street is a shopping mall with ATM's out the front.

Behind you, you can hear IT screaming in rage still..she has temporarily lost sight of you...probably because one eye is hanging down her cheek

what do you do?




[INVENTORY]
A piece of paper with phone number
A Silver Key
A tight fitting womens floral shirt
A pair of Calvin Klein jocks
A pair of Socks with a hole in the big toe
A pair of nice DC shoes.
A pair of brown corduroy pants
A large Kitchen knife
A Cigarette lighter

Run to train station

Still trying to blend in you calmy walk in amongst the crowd, wearing your pretty floral shirt, to the train station.

At the train station which according to the sign says Caulfield there is a ticket machine and two train station platforms.

On the sign it says that platform 1 heads to Dandenong and departs in 11 mins and Platform 2 says City departs in 5 mins

IT cannot be seen anywhere

what would you like to do?

look for possible escape routes

You look around frantically..there are many places you can go

What would you like to do

[go to platform 2, you've had enough trouble as it is without going to dandenong]

You bolt to platform 2, the train arrives in 5 mins.

On the platform is a ticket machine, a group of youths and a lady with a pram...you stare eagerly at the clock, watching the seconds tick by.

[Check if you are still being followed]

You are standing at the platform, wearing a lovely floral top...people are staring at you, one of the group of teens yells out some smart arse comment.

You look around frantically to see if IT is still following. but she is nowhere in sight.

The train arrives in 4 mins

Look for lost and found or something

You look around the train platform for a lost or found department...its a train station platform..of course there's no lost or found department!!!

The train arrives in 3 mins

examine key

You pull out the key and look at it..It is a normal looking house/door key, looking closer you can see the numbers 9476 on it.

The train arrives in 2 mins

[wait for train, suspect 9476 is ITs weight]

The train pulls into the station, the doors open and some passengers disembark.

What would you like to do?

[as passengers walk around you, walk into the train and sit down]

You board the train and sit down...the train travels past a few stations when the connecting carriage doors open and 2 men in suits start asking to see passenger tickets...one of them has noticed you...hard to miss with your lovely floral top on.

They start approaching you.

What do you do?

[Avert Yours eyes, see what they do]

You attempt to ignore them by looking out a window...they come to stand right in front of you and ask you for your ticket

What do you do?

[comply and pull out your wallet and scrounge throught it then quickly jump off the chair and knock them over and start running down the train cart]

You pretend to comply and then leap up Jackie Chan styles, duck past them and run down the train cart.

There is a carriage door in front of you..the ticket cops have recovered and are closing in on you.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

[open door, look like you ran out, actually hide on the outside of the train]

You burst thru the door and in some sort of dare devil flash back, you slam the door shut behind you, climb over the chain and stand to the left of the door.

The two officers are not fooled as they come thru the door..BUT, they do hesitate as to them a crazy man, wearing a ladies floral top has ran from them frantically and is now standing in a very dangerous position.

They look confused as to what to do next..one is one the radio to the police and youre not sure how far up the next station is..probably a fair while as all this went down pretty quickly.

What do you do?

[contemplate jumping off because if shirt gets wrecked not to fussed]

Climb atop train

You contemplate jumping off..then decide that dyings not worth it...the ticket cops have seen you contemplate it and I think you've got them worried you'll jump as one says "Its not worth it mate", the other one is still frantically on radio and you hear the words "suicidal fruitcake"

Instead of jumping, you quickly climb the ladder onto the roof of the train.  You are now kneeling on the roof of the train..behind you one of the ticket cops sticks his head up and yells out "Get off the roof you mad bastard!"

The train is speeding along

What do you do?

[yell out "SPARTA!!!!" and kick him in the chest and hopefully off the train]

You quickly roll onto your back, sit up slightly and scream "SPARTA" and kick the ticket cop in the face as hard as you can..from the grissly crunch you have broken his nose.

He falls down the ladder and nearly off the train, luckily his partner catches him.

You can hear the other ticket cop calling urgently for back up.

What do you do?

Get to the last carriage and detach it from the rest Anyway possible , block the doorway so the others can't get out of the second to last carriage  ( at your end of the train). If that makes sense . By the way this is all fuckin funny .

You sprint along the top of the train towards the last carriage, you drop between the 2nd last and the last carriage. Thru the window you can see the ticket cops pushing their way thru the crowd..there's nothing to block the door with (unless you had of checked your INVENTORY!!!)

Instead you turn your focus to seperating the cars...there is a hose, a lever and a screw type clamp that appear to be holding the cars together.

What would you like to do?

[unscrew the clamp thingo, put lever on opposite end of where it was, wash yourself with hose as you havent showered since being with IT. open inventory, see if silver key can lock the 2nd carriage door]

Working frantically you, unscrew the clamp thingo and move the lever..the hose is still attached..you could try cutting it with something. The car is still attached and the train is thundering down the tracks.

You then scrounge thru your pockets and produce the silver key...it doesn't fit this lock.

The ticket cops are pounding closer...what do you do?

Examine what is in the final carriage

You look thru the window to the final carriage..there are approx 5 people sitting there

[open inventory, cut hose with large kitchen knife, make a crazy face with the knife at the ticket officers, maybe they'll think "fuck this" and bother other people]

You cut the hose with the kitchen knife..immediately the clamps holding the two carriages lets go and the last carriage seperates...as the carriage your standing on slowly falls behind the main train you start slashingthe air with it screaming "YA ZULU" at the top of your lungs.

The ticket cops can be seen on the main train frantically talking into their radios.

You open the door and enter the carriage and are immediately greeted with screams as the other passengers see a man wearing a womans floral top enter wielding a knife and giggling maniacally.

ask someone for a jacket and proper shirt , if no one obliges rob the one which looks the weakest and richest

You calmy walk up to one of the male passengers who is wearing a really nice suit...you politely ask him to stand..and he does..the knife your waving around may have helped him react so quick though.

As he stands you look him up and down and realize that his expensive suit will fit you perfectly.

What do you do?

ask for the white shirt , jacket , and pants ,

Using your knife as a pointer you politely ask the gentleman for his suit and shirt.

The gentleman says "No..I'll be naked you can have my jacket, but thats it".

The train carriage your on shoots around a corner at high speed reminding you that you are currently travelling on a single carriage train that has no means of control apart from an emergency brake and that is travelling at high speed.

What do you do?

take jacket and thank the man then find pants , and a proper shirt , then examine surrondings outside carriage

[open inventory, thank man for jacket and try to seem like a really disgusting porn star to on lookers if there's any, i mean batshit wierd kind of disgusting]

You take the jacket off the man and thank him politely..you look around the carriage and there are plenty of other people wearing shirts and pants.

You quickly look outside the carriage...buildings and trees are flying past as it seems you are travelling at a considerable speed...up ahead, far down the track you notice that the main train itself hs stopped at an upcoming station...you need to figure something out or else you are going to smash into its rear.

you open your inventory

[INVENTORY]
A piece of paper with phone number
A Silver Key
A tight fitting womens floral shirt
A pair of Calvin Klein jocks
A pair of Socks with a hole in the big toe
A pair of nice DC shoes.
A pair of brown corduroy pants
A large Kitchen knife
A Cigarette lighter
A rather nice suit jacket


You then proceed to make porn noises and you approach the female passengers who are terrified and say comment like "How you doin?" followed by a wink..one lady looks offended as you hold up two fingers and flick your tongue around the gap.

What do you do?

[besides looking mentally deranged, throw shoes in a knowingly failed attempt to stop the carriage due to the pushback of you throwing the shoes. put on pants]

You sprint to the front of the carriage, scream loudly "DONT WORRY I'LL SAVE US!!!" rip off your shoes and throw them at the carriage door in front of you.

The train continues at its pace and the passengers look more nervous.

You are already wearing the brown corduroy pants and have yet to get another..better pair

ask one of the passengers for a jersey or shirt that would suit a male , possibly trade it for your floral shirt , then find emergency brake and pull

You begin to approach passengers with the attention of asking for a shirt to wear, but they all shy away from you...one lady actually opens the rear door and jumps onto the tracks...her screams of pain fade away quickly however as the carriage continues its journey.

You locate the emergency brake and pull it..the train begins to slow down rapidly and comes to a stop.

You can see police lights approaching your position from up ahead..what do you do?

Release brake , get off train and run in opposite directions , examine surrondings again?

The train slows down to  the point where you can jump off it..you sprint towards the rear door, open it, take a big breath and jump onto the tracks.

You jit the ground fairly hard and roll...unfortunately you didnt PUT THE KNIFE AWAY and it has gone straight thru the Bicep of your left arm and exited the other side,.

You are bleeding..but surprisingly not that much...but it hurts like hell.

You run off the tracks back the way you came and take a moment to look around.

To the left are alot of houses...looks like a typical neighbourhood....To the right is a park.

The police lights and sirens are getting closer...What do you do?

Wait in the bushes near the tracks and wait for the police. Jump out of the bushes naked as the police get really close. As they get out of their car and gawk at my naked awesomeness take the opportunity to rip out the knife in my bicep and fling it at one of the cops.

Realising that the knife sailed about 3 metres off target, I run full speed at the cops and clothesline one, taking his taser and tasing the other cop.

I put my hands on my hips as I triumphantly step on the chest of the cop I clotheslined.

Something in you just....SNAPS.

You're sick of running, 1st from the..IT, then the police.

You rip off all of your clothes and hide in the bushes.

Soon 2 police cars and a police helicopter arrive on seen.  Also above is a news helicopter

The following commentary has been taken from the news reporter in the helicopter circling above in regards to the incident -

Thanks Jeremy, we're currently circling an area just outside of Carnegie station where a man armed with a knife recently took control of a train carriage, assaulting 2 ticket checkers, before releasing the cart.

Now reports have come in that the man robbed a gentleman on board for his jacket, before hitting the emergency brake, then leaping off the still moving train....police have confirmed that whilst the passengers were terrified nobody was injured.

Police now believe they are closing in on the man and belie....wait...wait....

The police appear to have located the man, he has just leaped from the bushes near the tracks towards the police and he appears to be naked.

Oh my god he has just ripped a large kitchen knife out of his own arm and hurled it at the police..the police are trying to subdue the man but he....oh dear he has just clotheslined an officer and tazered another..thats right two police officers are now down and the man appears to be posing with his foot on one of the officers.

These guys need back up and fast.

We'll stay with the story as long as we can..but it has been confirmed that a naked maniac has just taken down two officers and is currently posing for the cameras.

*end commentary*

The police and news choppers are hovering above you...you are now naked, unarmed and have lost all your inventory in the bushes due to your psychotic episode.

More police are surely on their way.

What do you do?

Duh. Run back into the bushes and grab your inventory before high-tailing it out of there. Sprint off as fast as you can - ducking corners to shake them off your tail. Dive into the nearest unlocked house, hastily put clothes on, and then hide in the basement.

You wave at the cameras and dart back into the bushes hastily gathering your torn clothing and various items.

You then attempt to lose the camera and chopper crews by ducking, weaving, climbing and going thru various backyards.

You spot a house that has a basement window and no lights on..you quickly kick in the window and dive into the basement where you hastily put your clothes back on.

You are near to tears when you realize that the floral shirt has been ripped to shreds..you'd grown quite fond of that feminine attire.

You wait in the basement and can hear the choppers circling and more sirens approaching..you think the choppers have lost you, but its only a matter of time before the police bring dogs in to look for you

You have absolutely no idea where you are, your gettiing very hungry and you are bleeding stronger than before because you have removed the knife from your arm.

You need to work out a way of getting out of this mess...and to think of all you've gone thru after simply waking up next to a horror...what were you thinking?

What do you do?

Find some old cans and leftover red paint in the basement. Paint the cans red, string them together and tie them to your chest. When the police arrive burst out of the house and threaten to blow everybody up with your "bombs".

[before doing one crazy ass maneuver, look at your stab wound and say in a whimpering voice "ow"]

Search the house the that I'm in and quickly off the inhabitants. After killing them I set up booby traps all over the house and wait patiently in the basement with a long knife in each hand.

As the police and their dogs burst into the house, the boob traps are sprung one by one, taking out 9 of the 12 cops that came to take me down.

The last few cops come down into the basement where they find me waiting. A kick the nearby chair in their direction and then leap at them with knives overhead and ready to slice.

I stab one of the cops, still flinching from the flying chair in the eye and he reels. The other two cops, pistols out, try and get a shot off at me. I sidestep into the next nearest cop and slice his throat.

The third cop is shocked by the spray of blood from his buddy's neck and covers his face with a hand. I stab him through the hand with one knife and knee him in the groin. The cop falls over, clutching at the wrist of the hand I stabbed. I stand over him and watch him for a while.

I then stomp his throat once with my foot and smile at a job well done. I exit the house and walk down the street, still naked, into the rising sun.

bahahahahah, nice neji

You take a moment to collect yourself in the basement, you look down at your stab wound and say "OW"

Then..its time to act, you have a brilliant idea and begin rummaging thru the basement, you locate some cans but no red paint.

The failure of not finding any red paint sends you hurtling over the edge of insanity once more and you head upstairs and into the kitchen where you take two long knives and begin to stalk thru the house looking for the owners in order to see what their insides look like.

Fortunately for them...nobody's home.

You then decide to booby trap the house...but in your particular state all you can come up with, is to scatter some marbles at the front door.  Having done that and giggling to yourself that, that will teach them you take your two new friends, slash & cut down the basement and begin rocking back and forth talking to them.

The police dont know your here....yet

what do you do?

The hell? Back in the mfing basement? But... But... Rising sun.... Naked... Chalice, you just enjoy making my life hard.

I don't even know what else I can do. *sigh*

Ok, let's do this bit again but with your marbles.

After a delirious bout of mumbling nonsense to nothing in particular my mind clears up and focuses, sharper than ever before - akin to Jimmy Neutron's brain waves. I run around the house collecting odd bits and pieces and eventually, I fashion a makeshift launcher. I gather the marbles I scattered before and load them into my launcher.

I test my new toy by shooting at a nearby wall. To my surprise and joy, the marbles shoot a clean hole through the wall and I smile a devious smile.

I sit on the floor in front of the door, waiting for the police to come.

As luck would have it, only one police car shows up with two policemen inside. The hesitantly knock on the door - I remain where I am, quiet and waiting. One of the policemen calls out, "Hello? This is Officer Mike McTard and my sidekick Mike McStupid. (In case you don't get why I use the name Mike, I'll tell you; because Mike or "ReRoll" is a retard and I think it'll be fun to use his name). After knocking a few more times, the policemen try the door knob and find that it's not locked.

Officer McTard opens the door slowly and peeks in only to get a marble shot through his left eye. The marble exits from the back of Officer McTard's head. "Uhhhhh...," yells (yes, he yells it) Officer McStupid. He pulls out his gun and shoots wildly at the door.

All the bullets miss me. McStupid, out of bullets but confident that he's killed the person inside steps in. Only to see me, naked and covered in green paint. (I assume that I am still without clothes, Chalice).

McStupid stares a moment before he utters the most intelligible word of his short, stupid life, "Adoiiiiiiiiiiiii."

I then shoot a marble through his heart.

I then proceed to rip at his throat with my bare hands and cover myself in his blood. Satisfied that McStupid's blood is an acceptable substitute for red paint, I fall asleep, content.

* Now, Chalice, I'm gonna leave this a little more open so you can continue it without problems. *

A neighbour, hearing my improvised marble launcher ripping up shit, comes over to take a look. The neighbour, an elderly woman in her 80s can't believe what she sees... TO BE CONTINUED.

*You do know that all your supposed to say is "open door" get Knife"..single instructions right?  Butthis is fun too :D )

Just like an insane scientist, your mind clears and gains a level of clarity that even Buddhist monks would envy.

You start searching the house and come up with some large PVC piping, a long thin rod of PVC, some corks, some electrical tape and ten cans that all have flammable written on them

You quickly cut down the large PVC piping and attach it to the long thin PVC pipe with electrical tape, you then get one of the flammable cans and insert it into the large pvc pipe, insert 5 marbles and force a cork down the "barrell" of the smaler piping then drill a small hole just behind where the marbles sit.

You push on the end of the can for 3O seconds, covering the small hole with your finger, then using the lighter you place the flame near the small hole and BOOM..the cork is ejected at mach 2 followed by the 5 marbles..looking at the wall you can see the marbles have punched thru the plaster easily and the pattern resembles a shotgun blast.

Tired of waiting, you once again remove your clothing, dye yourself green using food coloring and step outside and begin to dance and howl at the moon...it doesn't take long for the police and news choppers to spot you.

You then reenter the house and take up position, watching the door..waiting..with your reloaded home made marble gun.

Shortly thereafter a siren is heard and you can hear 2 car doors open and footsteps warily approach the door

"Hello? This is Officer Mike McTard and my sidekick Mike McStupid...come out with your hands up and where I can see them"

You dont respond

The door handle turns and a torchlight briefly shines on you...the officer stands out easily from the glow of the police cars headlights..you giggle once to yourself and light the gun..BOOM, the officer falls down in a bloody heap not 10 ft from you.

The other officer screams into his radio "Officer down..Officer down" then begins firing wildly into the room..unfazed by the rounds skipping past you, you calmy reload the gun.

The officer then steps in the doorway and once again you fire the gun hitting him in the chest with the marble shotty.

He drops to the floor, not quite dead yet and you pounce on him and tear at his throat with your hands and teeth..saviouring the metallic taste of his blood as it pumps out the last of his life..you smear the blood all over your self and wish that you had some 3d glasses as you are covered in red and green..you scream out "I'M 3D"..then you drag the bodies inside and calmy shut the door and fall asleep hugging one of the fresh corpses.

Some time later you Hear "OMG...Cessil..is everything alright?" from the front door and peering out of the window you see an old lady hesitantly picking her way thru the piles of blood coming towards the house..somehow she is oblvious to the choppers circling above and in the distance you can see blue and red lights and the sound of many..many police cars screaming towards you.

What do you do?

Kick her in the face and run for the hills.

You burst thru the door and the old lady stands stunned as she see's a naked green and red man charge at her.

You charge up to her and scream right in her face "THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!" then push kick her in the face..as she flies backwards her false teeth go soaring thru the air. 

You then take a quick look around and bolt into the backyard of the neighbours house and start leapimg over the back fences in order to get away.  The police chopper is hovering above and you know you wont get away whilst it can see you.

You leap the last fence and come to a park..it is dark and quiet here except for the sound of the choppers above you.

To the left you can see a main road..in front you can see a playground and to the right you can see a cricket pitch with more houses on the other side.

You have neglected to take all your inventory as that was left in the basement along with your clothes..all you have now is your homemade gun which is good for one more shot as you didn't bring any of the ammunition etc.. with you.

What do you do?

Run to the main road and jump in front of a car. The car barely manages to stop one inch from me. I shoot the marble launcher at the windshield, causing the driver's head to explode.

I walk to the driver's side door and open the door. I grab him and throw him out of the car. I sit in the blood-slicked seat and suddenly, I crave for McDonalds.

I floor the accelerator and drive away.

You run towards the road and leap in front of a car, the car screeches to a halt barealy missing you..you smile polielty and then fire the gun thru the windscreen killing the young driver instantly.

You run to the drivers side and pull the still bleeding body out of the car, jump in and drive away heading south...your belly rumbles and you get the desire to eat a big mac.

On the passenger seat is a mobile phone and in the back is a sports bag..some loose change rattles in the centre console.

You are driving down the road heading south and have come to a red light..the police chopper is still above you.

What do you do?

I feel like I'm contributing too much here. :D

I'll let someone take this next bit.

Cheerio, Neji

avoid police helicopter , in a secluded spot open sports bag , and put clothes on

I am disappoint Robb. Put some effort into it!

But Neji he's choosing the options. Mostly you don't have paragraphs of options. He's doing the choice of the RPG and Chal/you are writing the consequences.

You see the red light and say "fuck it" and burst thru the intersection, narrowly avoinding a bad accident..you try taking multiple turns but the chopper is still on top of you and you cant shake it.

Whilst on a straight you reach behind you and open the sports bag...there is some sweaty jocks, a sweaty t-shirt and a pair of boxing gloves in there...you nearly gag but you manage to put on the sweaty jocks and t-shirt..both of which are 3 sizes too big for you...you decide NOT to wear the boxing ghloves and drive and place them on the seat next to you.

You continue to drive..up ahead you spot a road sign that indicates -

Straight = Bridge
Left = Tunnel
Right = Freeway

The chopper is still overhead..what do you do?

go commando , no one likes to share junk trunks , then  head for the tunnel .

You cant take it any more...the feeling of another mans ball sweat gets to you and you rip off the jocks and turf them out of the window.

You then take a left into the tunnel knowing that the chopper wont be able to see you in it...the lights f the tunnel flicker brightly as you speed thru it.  emergeny exits are spaced every 100 meters or so and you congratulate yourself on finally losingthe chopper and hope that its not waiting for you at the other end.

Up ahead it appears as though there is a traffic jam as all the other cars are backed up and being carefull to remain inconspicuous you pull up in the traffic and creep along with the other cars.  In a car next to you is a young child that is just staring at you, you glare back wondering what its fucking problem is..then remember your covered in blood and green dye.

As the traffic moves along around a bend you can see reflected off the walls flashing blue and red lights and realize that the traffic is jammed up because the police have blocked off the tunnel.  On the radio you hear announced that one of the biggest manhunts in history is being conducted for a psychopathic murderer..your description is evident.

What do you do?

[inconspicuously get out of the car and go under the cars, seeing as how it's blocked you should be unnoticed under all those cars when and if the police arrive]

You quietly open the door of the drivers side, immediately people in the cars on either side start staring and exclaiming loudly..you are naked remember?

But you're committed and you crawl under your car and make your way towards a neighbouring car, when you get to the gap between the cars you perform a brilliant ninja roll and climb under the next car..you continue doing this for awhile...until the cars all move forward, when the car your currently under moves its hot exhaust pipe burns your arse cheek and you let out a yelp of pain.

The car continues to move forward until you are exposed..the car behind you has seen you and has stopped..the large male driver gets out and yells "what the fuck are you doing?". 

Up ahead is the police road block..if he continues to draw attention to you, you will be seen.  On the wall to your left is an exit sign, looking further along the wall you can see the exit door...however the door is roughly the same distance away from the cops as it is to you.

what do you do?

[search for an escape route]

MAKE A RUN FOR THE FUCKIN DOOR!

break down the door

*yay its been bumped*

knock out the guy who's drawing attention to you

One at a time peeps..are we going for the door or attacking the guy?

democracy says door

"fuck it" you say to yourself and make a break for the door, leaping onto cars and doing a really cool bonnet slide or two.  You're 3/4 of the way there when a police officer notices the commotion and yells "STOP POLICE"

you ignore him and continue your run, shots begin to pass by you as the police open fire, you hit the exit door full bodied, slam it open and sprint down a concrete corridor.  The lights are flickering above you, you round a corner and come to a rusty ladder, above you is a man hole.

What do you do?


Here's a reminder of your inventory...dont forget you will NEED TO SAY INVENTORY to see it from now on :)
[INVENTORY]
A piece of paper with phone number
A set of swaety gym clothes too big for you (wearing them)
A police revolver with 1 shot left in it

Look for other options?

You look around frantically for another way out but the corridor only leads back the way you came.  You can hear multiple police officers screaming for people to get down and the voices are closing in.

Its up the ladder or back the way you came.

Thru the manhole type thing above you, it sounds quiet.

What do you do?

go through manhole, but is there anything of use that can be picked up before going through?

You look around to see if anything can be of use, but there is nothing to pick up so you are forced to go thru the manhole.

You push open the lid and climb thru and on a whim decide to pick up the manhole and run with it in your arms.

You find yourself in a quiet little park overlooking the highway, smoke can be seen nearby from the multiple wrecks you have caused in your mad attempt to escape the horrid fat chick.  aAmbulances can be seen in the distances and from the direction you assume they are there to pick up the bodies of the several police officers you have killed in the house as well as the granny you sparta kicked to death.

You must escape!!

What do you do?

find a hazlenut tree and fill your cheeks with nuts

Yep...the insane barrier has been crossed as you come to 2 mins later in a tree stuffing your face with bark,leaves and twigs in order to "have enough nuts for winter"

You spit out the bits of broken tooth and tree, climb back down, sit with your back against the tree and try and figure out how the fuck you're going to get out of this mess.

As you ponder, you hear police voices growing very loud from the direction of the manhole..you haven't got long

What do you do?

Look for a phonebooth

You look around and spot the dhated telstra sign of a phonebox across the highway

The voices are closing in.

what do you do?

call the number on the paper in your inventory

if we are wearing the gym clothes, why are also naked??

the phone number... in the inventory in a phone booth.. i see this going only one way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DsFMJQHbMs


and you all thought i was going to say the matrix path didn't you

lol..Crypto :)

You sprint across the highway, dodging speeding cars and trucks and narrowly avoiding certain death only to come to the phone box and realize...you have no money AND you left the piece of paper bnack in the house when you decided to smear the cops blood all over yourself.

The Police however have heard all the blaring horns and have exited the man hole and are on the other side of the highway..you can see them pointing at you and yelling into their CB radios.

What do you do?

Run in the direction of the pointing?

You run off down the highway, cars are buzzing past you and beeping their horns as you are stark naked, holding a man hole cover in one hand and a revolver with a single shot in the other and sprinting from the police.

In the distance sirens can be heard closing fast.

You begin to panic as one officer closes the gap and screams "police FREEZE" his gun is pointing directly at you.

What do you do?

lick your lips sensuously and start rubbing your penis, hoping its actually a butch female cop and she wants to get down with you on the highway like in the Chilli peppers song 'Sir Psycho Sexy'

You lick your lips suggestively and start rubbing your cock.

You hear a scream and the sound of a young girl crying as a car speeds by carrying a young family in it

The MALE cop merely looks disgusted, continues to point the pistol at you and screaming "GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND YOU MAD FUCK!!"

What do you do?

frisbee throw the manhole cover at him , should be able to because of the adrenaline. Then get his gun , also pants and his jacket would be cool too

You throw the man hole cover at the cop...just as you let go he fires a shot, which harmelessly ricochets off the man hole cover before it falls into a nearby drainage pipe and being submersed under the water never to be found again. You think to yourself, that would have made an excellent shield against the bullets!!!

The manhole cover has knocked the cop unconcious, you run over and grab the gun but do not have time to take the clothing as police cars and other police are emerging from the manhole .

You can either cross teh extremely busy highway, run along side it or get in the drainage ditch and swim it (with a pistol in each hand atm...thats all you have in your inventory), the police are too close and will see whatever you do, so hiding underwater is not an option.

What do you do?

double tap both of the pig motherfuckers and use both of their bodies to clog the manhole with manflesh

bahahahhahahaha!!!!! +1 crypto , lobed the use of the word manflesh :D

You shoot the unconcious officer in the head with your last remaining bullet from the first gun, run back the way you came and you then shoot the first officer that appears at the top of the man hole, he slumps forward blocking the manhole.

There are multiple sirens closing fast as numerous police officers head your way.


What do you do?

go into the manhole, then reblock it . Then look around?

You cannot get intop the manhole as there is a body blocking the entrance, there are also police in the manhole trying to get out to get you, the manhole also only heads back to the tunnel with the cars in it.

You can either cross the extremely busy highway, run along side it or get in the drainage ditch and swim it (with a pistol in each hand atm...thats all you have in your inventory and 1 pistol is now empty), the police are too close and will see whatever you do, so hiding underwater is not an option.

What do you do?

make a dash onto the highway and somehow dodge all the cars and make it to a truck pulled over in a rest area on the other side of the highway with the driver just getting out

(Invalid Command)  Just Run across Highway pls :P

You run across the highway, narrowly avoiding certain death.

You are sprinting alongside the highway when a car squeals its tyres and pulls up next to you.

A female voice yells out " Get in sweety!!"

What do you do?

its a trap, it isn't a woman so you shoot it and take the car

You go to point the gun at the driver but instead she grabs you, drags you into the car and starts driving..to your horrified eyes its...its...THE THING.

Somehow she has tracked you down and she begins saying stuff like "its all right sweety, I'll take you back to my place and look after you, i'm very cross that you went to get breakfast without telling me..BUT I suppose you wanted to surprise me, didn't you honey bumpkins?"

What...do..you...do?

Persuade her to take you somewhere safer, perhaps out of the city?

You turn to her..false love in your eye's and say "why dont we go somewhere more romantic? ... say.. a lookout?"

She looks at you a bit suspiciously and then her eyes turn into pools of affection and she agrees, turning off the highway.

IT WILL TAKE 10 TURNS TO GET THERE

She puts her hand on your lap.

what do you do?

Ask her if she know what a blumpkin is and if she wants to try one, while you reach for your gun.

didnt we pull her eyes out of some shit?

Yes..you poked IT in the right eye..IT's good though as IT has another one and is capable of driving :P

You ask her and say "I'd love a little Blumpkin?"...unfortunately due to the loudness of the radio (and her need to be loved) she hears "I Love you pumpkin" and begins to trial her large meaty hands up towards your groin (remember you're naked ppl) , the stench in the car coming from her unwashed body is overpowering.

YOU HAVE 9 TURNS LEFT before getting to the lookout

what do you do?

open the door and jump out

You go to open the door and jump out of the car...thats doing 100 + km's an hour.

"FUCK IT" you say to yourself....somethings are worth dying to avoid.

You take 3 deep breaths, then lunge for the door handle.........its locked, the car has central locking and she's locked it and childproofed it.

"No no no my little bumpkin, we dont want you to have a hurtsy now do we?" IT says to you

Behind you, you can see police lights closing in on you.

8 TURNS LEFT

Pull the hand brake

You pull the handbrake, causing the car to enter a slide....luckily you dont hit anything when you come to a stop.

Instead...IT's heart is racing and she says "Oh ..I like a daring man..give me a kiss" and you have just allowed the cops to close the gap further.

IT continues driving.



YOU HAVE 7 TURNS LEFT before getting to the lookout (which is where you wanted to go!!!)

What do you do?

ask to drive so you can "obtain road head".

(NOW WE"RE THINKING PPL)

You ask to drive hinting that you're feeling a bit frisky and could do with spitting out a "Road Runner" or ten thousand.

IT looks at you in wonder and immediately pulls over the car and gets out.

The cops are closing in fast.

What do you do?

Switch seats. We're still naked right?

(you're naked..she's not and she's out of the car)

You slide into the drivers seat

STILL 7 TURNS BEFORE THE LOOKOUT ...cops closing fast though

what do you do?

Fine. Ditch oral sex, gun it.

Drive off without IT. hopefully the cars will slow down once hitting the walking wall

You hitthe gas and watch as IT runs five steps before coming to a halt panting for air.

You laugh as you see her fade into the distance.

The cops have had enough time to close the gap and are on your bum.

you can keep heading towards the lookout, head towards the suberbs or head into the forest?

What do you do?

Forest. No-one bad has ever lived in a forest. Plus I don't trust those suburban.. freaks.

THIS GAME IS BROKEN

*blows Chal's slot*

(Hmm didn't show in unread ..my bad)


You drive into the forest

You've been driving for around 4 hours into the forest along rutted tracks when something gives in the front end and the car lurches off to one side.

You narrowly miss a tree and the car slams into a ditch

Steam begins to pour from under the bonnet.

You open the door and get out

You will need to leave the car as it is too obvious for the police to find.

It will be night soon  and you will need some shelter etc.




(each turn if you want to move must be  "1 step north/sth/east/west" - 1 step equals 1km and takes 1 hour..I have a map drawn out with locations on it, these will be revealed as you hit them..you must now survive in the forest, failure to build a shelter at night = death..failure to find food over 1 week = death ..failure to find water over 3 days = death..all actions will be realistic so if you say "gather branches for fire wood" will take 10 mins as you weren't specific, but will only last 10 mins worth of fire ..say "gather branches and logs for firewood for 1 hour" will provide a nights worth of firewood etc)..have fun

NOTE: FROM NOW ON ONLY SINGLE COMMANDS MAY BE GIVEN..NO LONG SENTENCES ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. JUST LIKE ALL WRITTEN RPG'S ONE COMMAND ONLY, IGNORING THIS WILL RESULT IN - "INVALID COMMAND" BEING SHOWN :D


It will be dark in 3 hours time.

You are naked and standing outside the car.  In your inventory at the moment is an empty pistol and a 2nd pistol with 12 shots in it.

What do you do

Spend 30 minutes stripping the car of useful items.

(Note: I will interpret some commands)

*Search for usefull items in car

Racking your brain for all the survival tips you could remember you search the car for items that may come in handy

you come up with the following

* 2 x 1.25 litre soft drink bottles (empty)
* IT's handbag (contains 2 condoms, a lighter nearly empty and a photo of you from the night before...spooky)
* 2 seat covers
* a nail file
* some reciepts
*some loose change
* car battery

2 1/2 hrs before night

NOTE: Dont forget to say "TAKE" to take what you want, if you want it ..also styart thinking strategically and be creative..picture yourself there, in the forest..with a car and these items..you need shelter, warmth, food, water..what would you ACTUALLY DO?  visualize it and think and you'll be fine..dont and you die..its gonna be an epic puzzler   :D

Take:
Both bottles
Lighter
Both Seat Covers
Nail File

Considering battery, but in RL it'd be too cumbersome to carry with you...

Can we skip Karnage, he's going to get us killed and/or arrested...

KARNAGE - READ THE ABOVE POSTS .

INVALID COMMAND FOR YOU!!!

Grab Penis and Masturbate for 2 1/2 hours using picture of you and her

walk north

gather firewood for one hour

light fire

use car seat covers as sleeping bag