Death Inc

Chalice,

Could you please help me decide what is the best religion for me to follow life's journey?

I have had some Mormons knock at my door and they sound convincing. A friend is a 7th day Adventist and he raises some good points too. The Buddhist teachings seem to make sense, as does Taoism and the standard Christianity.

Its all too confusing. Chal please help me steer my life in the direction of the right teachings?

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sorry to but in but jedi is really takin off

to idiots yes :P.

i'd say a bit but can't wait to piss myself laughing at what Chal has to say

plus its chals thread so id be careful.
dont make me tell you twice!

Hmm..missed this one..soz

Well Smiddi...I'm glad you asked

In my capacity for Spiritual advisor to former Presidents and various Prime Ministers I've always recommended that they use Zen as their religion...that way they can say cool shite and sound knowledgable and well versed at the same time..but no-one Really knows what the fruck theyre talking about...Indeed, this is why I am a follower of the Zen path.

Let me give you some examples of famous Zen sayings

- It is as hard to see one's self as to look backwards without turning around

What if you used strategically placed mirrors...HAH Never thought of that did they

- If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.

If you use Night Vision goggles...is that cheating?

-If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.
WTF..I dont understand this Zen saying at all..but according to this...I DO..see why Zens cool..its the only religion where you cant be wrong

OK Now back to the point....You see that with Zen you can sprout any shite you want and actually be classed as a holy man, thats why I recommend it..heres some of my famous sayings.

-To know oneself..one must first know how to know others
Just made that up...sounds good though

-To gain enlightenment a man must first turn on the light
Kept bumping into shit, till I figured this one out

-To purge oneself of sin...one must first purge all over his neighbours wife..only then can he seek the true path -
No idea what I said here..what fuckin path, but hey..it got me into the neighbours wifes pants..so it must be correct.

- A blind goat sees more than a corrupt man
Oops forgot to take the blindfold off Norton again

- If ones face itches..he should scratch
See what I mean..even simple shit phrased right sounds knowledgable

-To Oompa Oompa is to Doompity Doo
Hhehehee god Zen is cool.


But Zen isn't all about sayings..its the mystique too, you have to not only feel Zenish..but BE Zen

So there you have it Smiddi..next time the Mormons knock on the door..invite them in and say

Would you like a glass of water..when they respond with yes please..say Why?  To thirst is to seek...what is it that you seek my Mormon Brother, is it mereley a glass of water or do you seek the river of which the water cometh?

and so on until theyre freaked right out..then end it with...The omnipresent being of which we refer to as God teaches love and has created the goat..is it so wrong then to Love the goat of which God has made?

Go in peace my Mormon friends, but seek not the flower, rather seek the seed and encourage it to grow.

After that you should be free to choose ANY religion you want too...but at least you wont be bothered by Mormons for awhile :)

Chalice
Zen Master

P.s.  I'm soooooooo going to hell

I encourage my fellow Zen masters to add their famous sayings in this thread in order to help further enlighten our brother Smiddi..hehehee this should be fun

some of your best work chal i honestly belived that you were a religious guru

p.s woot finaly after 1.5 years i have 50 posts

+1 for that!

Geez, Chal I never looked at it that way.

Thank you for your wisdom and I am looking forward to following "the path".

Other ZEN proverbs will help Im sure (if anyone has some to put up, that is?)

again, thank you Obi-won Chalobi.
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