Death Inc

Master Chalice . Lord Of All . Ruler Of The Stationary Kindgom , which reaches from the paperclip falls to the stapler mountain.

I was in a recent philosophical (had to copy that from google , couldnt remember how to spell it) . anyway i was in a philosophical debate with a friend on how to make a time travelling device , I put forward the idea of getting a large cardboard box approx. 2 by 4 metres and using a glue gun covering it in cd's (shiny side out).


Mi  lord Chalice how would you go about this?

Well Rob...i'm glad you asked.

You had the right idea with the box...but the Cd's on the outside are used to reflect light...so if your trying to make an invisible box...keep going with your theory...i'd be glad to consult with you further on it.

The current theory for time travel revolves around the belief that if one can fold space and if you can bend it far enough to create a donut...then you could go back in time...but  I think its utter rubbish in my book and they dont know what theyre talking about.

My first experiment involved the use of a car, a couple of rockets and some magic mushrooms...hollywood got wind of it and as they used Michael Fox as the lead character...that experiment was never going to be taken seriously again.

So i went with plan B which failed and later became known as Bungee jumping.

Onto plan C

Plan C - with the whole "backwards belief in place" i went tuoba gniod gniyreve sdrawkcab, chihw dah dedtcepxenu stluser...it didnt work.

SO...I used a nail gun to nail 91 rats to the top of two giant horizontally rotating saw blades that I inverted from one another and which span at 30000 rpm in opposite directions...i then slowly immersed the rotating blades into a very deep swimming pool...i met resistance at first because i forgot to get the swimmers out of the pool, but the saw blades fixed that little problem for me.

As the blades slowly immersed into the water it had three effects...1. It created a large whirlpool 2. The water provided the right kind of gravity neccessary and 3. It drowned out the screams of my now VERY dizzy rats.

As the blades got deeper it created two vortexes one below the blades and one above in a kind of hourglass effect...at this point i slowly seperated the two blades creating an airless vacuum in between.

I then electrified the water...not because it had any bearing on the experiment..but because a couple of swimmers escaped the blades and were nearing the edge of the pool.

This had an unexpected result in that it created a positive ion field in the airless vacuum i had created which began to suck up all the water in the pool...in effect i had created a black hole...my Rats were now absolutley shitting themselves and luckily i had anchored the blades well enough to withstand the force of it.

So here i was...staring into a black hole...the pinnacle of mans belief in Time Travel...what to do next...only one thing of course...throw a baby kitten into it with a camera attached to it.

Luckily black holes amplifiy signals and my experiment was soon validated as i watched a group of cave men club the kitten senseless, skin it and proceed to tear into it with their teeth.

Unfortunatley one of the cave men got thru...but i've got him well trained now...have you met Bohica?

So there you have it...Time Travel is possible...all you need is 2 saw blades, 91 rats, 1 pool, a video camera and of course a kitten.

P.s. The Rats had no scientific value whatsoever...but its hilarious to see the look on those grubby little fuckers faces as they spin and especially when they see a bottomless pit form right in front of them...trust me...gotta do it.

P.p.s. Some animals were harmed in the making of this experiment...but they deserved it

Hope that helps

ecilahC

 

ROFLMAO 

+1

LOL you craaaaaaazy! :P +1

FOR SALE

91 very dizzy rats $10 o.n.o.

That does explain my concerns for Bohica...

Rofl, My Mum got angry at my for laughing hehehehe

ROFL... Just ROFL... some of your best writing yet, Chalice...

It all makes sense to me now awesome writing +1
and ill take one of those rats i need a meal to dizzy to escape from me.
:D

im drunk. hi uncle dean

Your what?  Drunk?  My little Dexy?

Cheers for the  :thumbup: too guys...i actually do put alot of thought into these replies  :D

It's ok Dexxy, we'll 'Protect' you from those evil touchy men.

I'll believe that when I see it.

All these posts and no reference to the all important time travel component the infamous "flux capacitor".
- pffft. time travel nubs.

Honestly Smiddi, noone wanted to discuss your penis and it's contributions to the time travel research over the past few decades... and you had to go bring it up.

Nice nickname for it, by the way :)

1.21 gigawatts to get it started?

Actually in a roundabout way i DID mention the flux capasitor...i just couldn't remember what it was called so "magic mushys" it was :D

Well either way, time travel is a bad thing; look where it got Michael J Fox:
- he always takes his martini's shaken nowdays.
(http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/3451/jfoxbatmaneb1.gif)

.

lol...good point

I'd just like to point out that reflecting light is NECESSARY to see things, so it would instead be the VISIBLE BOX. If you want to make things invisible, you need to project light through (unfiltered) or around an object. Or just have that object reflect/emit no light so it's rather a void.

But of course these are the rules of the magical place called "Earth" whereas such silly concepts don't apply in the real world of "Ask Chalice". In this actual reality, you Chalice, are god.

Thats my point...cd's are round..so my theory is the light will go around or reflected around the object rather than be absorbed..look, it works ok..you went back remember?

Oh wait we've covered that already in a different post that you dont actually remember..I remember..now

shut up

hang on are you using 'relativity of simultaneity' theory or  'quantum field theories', because it might be more useful if you try using 'inversion-photonic geodesics' which involves the highly theorized work of  Günter Nimtz and Alfons Stahlhofen,   it looks like they are actually trying to compromise sub-prime monoparticals and use inverted gravimetric neutrons to hold the theories of chrome-dynamics at bay long enough to pass photonic  transmissions to inter-partical leptons.

Nah... Gunter is a pervert and me and Alfons used to hit the bong back in the days together...man, that bastard used to say weird shit.

Their theories are far to basic for me to even bother wiping my arse with..I mean seriously, whats more plausible, passing photonic transmissions to inter-partical leptons or light refraction from cd's?

pfft As I said Gunter is a pervert who was arrested for molesting a cabbage patch kid and Alfons or Alfy as he was known used to do every known drug on the planet and draw up his theories using a pen stuck up his nostril.

imo, publish it, it will be a bestseller :D

hehehehehe I love this one :thumbup:

Bageled's escaping dog is prob my second fave..I just write the shit..then reread it and cack myself :D

So whats your new book about anyway? is it about time travel involving innocent animals and tameable cavemen?

LOL..no but I could/should write one straight from my brain like these posts huh?  Could be....interesting :D

Interesting? ppl wouldnt get past the first page without dying of overdose of retardation in a short timeframe

:)

HEY..Fuck you buddy :P

:(           I mean... it would be good

:D

i am amused >:)