Death Inc

Chalice, hopin u can help, as u know the layout of my office and backyard, how would you deal with my current situation.

I less than an hour ago, had a simple conversation with a tiger snake between my avairy and back fence.

I said excuse me mother f*&ker what r u doin here, go back where u come from and f*&k off out of my yard, please and thank-you, i took leaf out of your book, jumped back and realised my legs have gone to jelly and were not interested in moving in any direction.

Then obvisiously his universal translator, took my gesture, as please make yourself at home, please leave my avairy and crawl into the walk way of my shed, help your self to the scotch and smokes.

So i rang, local council, they gave me the number of the local snake catcher, calm cool headed redneck bible bearin gent, whom said, unless u can trap he/she, so by the time I drive twenty minutes to get there i can catch, call me back.

He offered, some gentle advise which makes me unsure and why i need ur expert opinion, "all goin well by tomorrow he/she will be gone", have u got any evidence that his statement is true?

With your close encounter with dinosaurs I'm hopin u have some real advice for me so my heart can stop jumpin thru my throat, and make me feel calm enough to play PR with u Tonight.

Yours Truly


SnakeScared

Well my friend you can ignore the whole "all going well by tomorrow it will be gone" comment...Tiger snakes are notoriously addicted to scoth and are cronic smokers, thats what no doubt attracted him there in the first place.

If you can safely place these items in the school playground across the street from you...he should go play with the kiddies there.

Worst case scenario...wait for it to get shitfaced on your scotch and when he passes out...place him in an ice bath, take his kidney and dump him in a ditch somewhere.

Hope that helps

ROFL!  I haven't laughed so hard in weeks!

if it wasn't real i'd be laughin, but if your saw the state of my shed, walkway & yard, that mother f&*ker could be anywhere and i bet u he is gonna be the type of bastard to be real f&*kin happy in my yard, and with a total fireban tomorrow i'm considering burning down my shed to make sure his gone