Death Inc

Dear Chalice

Of recent i have gone through a tough period of my life having to end a 14 year relationship, without having to go into too much detail its one of the best decisions i've made.

Moving forward.
I'd spent a bit of time getting over the void and making myself feel more confident.
I’ve done a few things along the way like getting a Mountain Bike.

I'm at a point now where I’m done with pubs and clubs, meeting girls there was very interesting and somewhat pointless, majority failed to spell restaurant and quite often failed to carry the conversation.

I feel i'm ready to venture out into the big wide world of online dating or hookups or whatever you want to call it.
So doing my research i've come across tinder and well it seems quite simple if you like the look of the person you hit like, if not well you hit the cross. So far i've managed to engage in some very basic form of conversation with a few lucky ladies.

I'm a little stuck and i'm hoping you can guide/mentor in ways to chat to women.
This picture best displays where i'm stuck.
(http://i.imgur.com/9QaIsx4.png)
As you can tell i initiated the chat (im blue).

Looking forward to your help.

Regards

Toaster

I'm already seeing one of your problems. It's not even 10am and you've already used a third of your battery. If there's one thing I know about women, it's that they like it best when the batteries are fresh.

Lol

Nominate Zoo for reply of the week. Kinda on topic but totally useless :-)

Bah, try Plenty of fish! Tinder is fucked and so shit of self pouting ,instagram wanna be models who don't put out cause their too fucking busy taking selfies! Pfft.....

I'd be reluctant to take advice from a guy with one testicle :P

Well Cordz...i'm glad you asked!

Tindr and Plenty of Fish are great if you want to just have casual hook ups, some are even REAL females when you get their gear off!!!

RSVP will land you a professional woman and a potential long term relationship after a few hit and misses...but that is beside the point

The point is, not just your communication skills need to be at their finest form..but you also need to stand out in your profile pic....and that profile pic needs be a fuking statement of intent!

Examples:

LOOKING  FOR LOVE:

This
(http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/kaferphoto/kaferphoto1002/kaferphoto100200021/6472679-cool-and-romantic-man-with-a-rose.jpg)

NOT this
(http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/x/romantic-man-giving-daisy-3351339.jpg)


STRONG MANLY TYPE

This
(http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/df/b3/56/dfb356f2c4048dd4db495479c933c282.jpg)

Not This
(http://www.doctorwhotv.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/matt-smith-american-psycho-2013.jpg)


QUIET INTELLIGENT TYPE


This
(http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01474/manSpecs_1474972c.jpg)


Not This

(http://www.familydoctormag.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/nerd-blog.jpg)



Now for examples of correct texting!

First of all...dont be afraid to hit up girls you know that have boyfriends as this example demonstrates!
(http://i1369.photobucket.com/albums/ag223/teachtofight/funnytext_zpsa696685f.png)


CORRECT
(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-b2x-gsDE0Mo/UT4tGQ9V2UI/AAAAAAAAA6s/zFZGSTh7KEI/s400/Best+Pickup+Line+Ever.jpg)


INCORRECT
(http://cdn.smartphowned.com/2012/4/15/smartphowned.com_230732_1395269510.jpg)



Now...the key to online dating is to show interest but not be too keen, dont stress if they dont get back to you within a day...conversely be worried if they get back to you within 2 seconds becaus ethat means this chick has nothing better to do than stare at the fucking screen going "WHERE IS HIS TEXT!!!!!!"  ...and that equals a psycho....or your perfect woman, depends on how you view it really...what I do know is she will probaby fuck you like a titan, and thats great..but is she a keeper..hmm, I dont think so!


Happy to be your guide that is the modern day vagina, it is a strange and wonderful world now...be warned they are ALOT more forward than 14 years ago my friend, if they like you they WILL tell you what they want!

honestly i am surprised you have not ventured into plenty of fish, eharmony, RSVP, Vine (i think that is one) and snapchat (i dont know how but i have seen it happen)

you should not limit your self to just one dating site, you should be on at lease 3 sites. And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou sigh up to one. Then shalt thou sigh up for another two, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt sign up, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Profile towards thy foe(women), who, being naughty in My sight, shall be exposed to CordlezToaster.

p.s. are you in Brisbane?   My Michelle may have a friend lol ;)

Better one than none like you and a set of hairy flaps!

I found mine by just following here home, sure she put up a fight at first, but they develop this lovely Stockholm syndrome after a while.. got me a keeper i did.

just remember to drag them by the hair and not the legs or they fill up with sand

I met mine at the park. It was love at first sight, sparks flew, and we had sex right there and then...... god I love my new taser...

HAHAHAHAHHA

I fukin love the responses after mine + 1 to all lol!!!!!

Anglo, a woman who is a flight risk if you let her out of the basement isn't a keeper, she's a fritzl

my question to chalice is how long did it take Michelle to respond?

depends on the drug he uses ;)

Sent from my ZTE T83 using Tapatalk

well Lemtz the answer is, Michellle seen this thread, looked at the 3rd pic down in my response and went "if he was involved..not long at all Lentz!!!"

My favorite pickup line which you can only use in person, out on the town maybe is "Does this rag smell weird?" If they have time to reply youre not doing it right.

:) Do dates last long with that one?

Have you considered okCupid?
(http://i.imgur.com/lMPpBp4.jpg)

Just rereading some of these. Im in tears. This shit is great

:)

:thumbup: