Death Inc

Dear Chalice,

I was cleaning out a long neglected and small pond in the backyard. I expected to be full of wrigglers, but instead found it full of tadpoles.
Wrigglers I would mass execute without a second thought, but tadpoles are, well, tadpoles, and frogs are cool.

I don't know what to do. I want the pond gone, but it's full of tadpoles.

I need help.

Frog tadpoles or toad tadpoles... Is there a way to tell?

 If froggies, just get a fishtank and refresh with rainwater every so often (they feed on algae and whatever detritus they find in the pond water). Or dump them in the nearest dam.

Don't flush them down the loo.

Deep fry and fricasee!




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Jazzy the font of knowledge :P

probably cane toad tadpoles

he's in nsw the last time i checked cane toads in nsw walked on two legs with a smelly under carriage and eat maccas 3 times a day.

Bahahahahahahaha :D

I think I'm a little to far south for cane toads. I've actually given them to the local primary school, which is kinda cool.

put......put them in your butt.

Put them in chalice's butt.

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i can't you tube here at work, but you should all look up poop back and forth (forever)

I think Australia was a little cleaner while you were in SA

no it wasnt.

Well Bageled...I'm glad you asked!!

I (of course) have the perfect solution!

Wriggly things = bad

Tadpoles = unevolved life forms that we can surely enhance in order to create superbeings destined to kill humanity starting wioth Noraa and Bohica.

I don't even need a lengthy explanation as it will become self evident on how to achieve said superbeing.

step 1 - jack off into the bond and unleash your man jam - Note: you may have to repeat this step a few times before the below works!

step 2 - Your tadpoles and the ponds tadpoles will fight..some however will fuck

step 3 - mutated tadpoles are formed in the pool and begin to kill off all other inferior lifeforms in the pool

step 4 - begin instruction to your super tadpoles telling them what you want to achieve and in what order...I recommend chalk boards showing infantry tactics and repetitive trance music that sporadically has kill the weak playing

step 5 - remove 3 tadpoles at random and kill them in front of the others using a lighter..you need to establish firm domination as the father of the species or else you to will fall prey as they grow.

Step 6 - encourage gladiatorial games in the pond and make them kill one another, only the strong survice

Step 7 - Place a patio heater next to the pool as heat = growth.

Step 8 - clothing is optional but its at this point you may want to start getting some gear stocked for when they grow. I recommend assaultrifles as well unless you think bare handed combat is cooler..but will they survive against a modern army?  Its a conundrum I know!

Step 9 - By now your "spawn" should have left the pool and be walking around the backyard..begin training in hand to hand combat and basic weapon usage...remember, ninja stars are cool...

Step 10 - let them grow, NEVER name them...you don't want to get attached

Step 11 - World domination


Hope that helps,

Chalice
(please don't kill me either oh master overlord sir!)


p.s. - If the missus catches you whacking off into the pool out back..just explain this to her and she'll understand.

p.p.s - then she'll know too much...kill her.....

Chalice, you brilliant son of a bitch. (http://cdn.meme.li/instances/40089637.jpg)