Death Inc

Chalice (and others)

I have a friend, we will call him 'Dax" to mask their identity for safety. 'Dax' has a simple issue that I have recently discovered and thought we could talk openly here about it to help them overcome the problem. As you know, we are all friends and open here.

The Problem;
- when "Dax" goes to the little boys room he finds he has a problem doing a number 1 when there are others standing around them.Its like a valve has been turn off, the pipes welded shut and a cork put it the end to stop any chance of liquid escaping.  This often leads to him just standing their for an extended period of time with others looking on, still waiting for him to move/finish up.

The same applies when he walks in and there already is a line up for the trough and he tries to find a cubical to sit down in to do a number 1. Very awkward.

Was wondering what we could do to stop his turle from retracting when confronted with others in close proximaty?

I was thinking soothing music, like elevator music, but this could be distracting, other ideas was to turn the tap on in the bathroom. Running water seems to help some people go easier.

Thoughts / ideas ?

put up mirrors in his home toilet so he gets used to seeing strange looking people next to him

This behaviour can be noticed amongst other creatures of the animal kingdom, where one member of the pack will feel too inferior to the others and will therefore shy away from group activities such as hunting or mating. As it stands, there is only one thing which will help your dear friend Dax with his size issues, and therefore improve his confidence.

After some careful reserach, I have discovered that his only hope is an experimental birddickectomy followed by an emergency dildoplasty.

He will need a friend to amptuate his penis with a sterile blade (for this particular operation, a pair of nail clippers will likely suffice) and then replace the missing appendage with a rubber or sillicone prosthetic. Of course, a hole will need to be drilled down the length and the appropriate tubes connected to allow urination, so having to hand some plumbing tools and teflon tape is recommended.

The next question is prosthetic choice. In the early days of this procedure, it was suggested by physicians that the prosthetic size should not be inconveniently large, perhaps 4-5 inches, and the colour should match the natural skin tone. Many musicians, however, suggested that the prosthetic should be 12 inches long and a dark brown or black.

As you could only choose one, this would cause an issue of the prosthetic either needing to be permanently flaccid for easy storage, or permantly erect for both the act of coitus and for rapid deployment in emergency situations (such as a life preserver, snorkel or signal flare.)

Nowadays, thanks to the miracles of modern technology, we can bypass this issue. Simply take a standard screw light fitting and insert it into the recess left by the initial amputation. Then, take the cap from an ordinary light bulb and glue it to the end of any desired prosthetics. This way, Dax can wear his normal "every day" penis for comfort, and then switch to his "show-stopper" to impress the boys in the bathroom at will. The spare penis can be discreetly carried in a backpack or bag, or he can simply carry it around in his hand (to mimic his present situation as closely as possible.)

The added advantage is that when it comes time for cleaning (i.e, when his prosthetic smells too noticably of arse) he can simply unscrew it and pop it in the dishwasher. No mess, no fuss.

I swear DirtyHarry is just Chalice posting under a different name......

Has he tried imagining everyone else naked?

IMHO he needs to drink more.

He needs his doodle touched some more by men, when he becomes comfortable problem solved.

Takes notes on who to hunt down and kill (looks at harry sternly) for answering questions iny thread ....  Will answer when I get home

He addressed the thread to "Chalice and others". I pride myself on being an "others".

That's fine he has since been told that if he addresses anymore shit to "others" in my thread I will take back my "one free nude photoshoot with chalmala voucher"... I'm that serious! (see other thread)

And if you keep it up I'll tie you down and coax an elephant to blow a load on ur face!

YES it may need a hand but by fuck... I'll prove my point!! Don't make me get an elephant ya bastard !!

I wonder how much elephant sperm will sell for on the black market.

Not sure...but it tastes like shit, so not much I reckon.....

I'll be in South Africa soon, I'll find out how the local tribes get their special elephant milk for you

woah, this Dax guy seems a lot like someone else I know...

And Chalice how the Fuck do you know what it tastes like ? When did they release you from the chimp enclosure lol  ;D

I didnt get released fuck you very much..I was kicked out for digit raping the other chimps :(