Death Inc

Hey Chalice, his supremacy, all knowing goodness. Please help this lowly, unworthy supplicant.

I am a regular reader of your great advice, but this is the first time i have dared to ask for the benefit of your wisdom. I have recently fallen I'll. As I have so far had little success (but great cost) seeking advice from supposed "medical professionals" I have decided to seek out you all knowing (and free) opinion.

So far the quacks have told me the source of my ailment us an "infected testicle". They cannot tell me how this condition started, or how to avoid it in future (which I am very interested in doing as it is the most painful experience I have ever endured) also the only therapy they recommend is taking so many different antibiotics and pain killers that I rattle! (I must say though I do enjoy the pain killers.....)

So all knowing Chalice, what caused my unfortunate condition, how do I avoid it again, and what is the best method of getting over my medical condition?

Oh this is gonna be GOOD... +1 for the great Ask Chalice thread!

Lol, I hope I am worthy of the great mans wisdom. That and the fact I really want to know the answers, it fucking hurts!!

Well Wombat..I'm glad you asked!

By testicle Infection I assume youre talking about Epididymtis?  

Epididymtis is an infection or inflammation of the epididymis, which is a firm tube that lies on the back surface of each testicle. It is coiled in order to fit a length of nearly 20 feet into a small space. This long length acts as a storage space for the sperm and gives sperm time to mature...Inflammation occurs when your sperm is slow and has reached old age by the time they get there and you get clogged by all their tiny little walking stcks and motorized buggy thingy's causing a "traffic jam"..think massive sperm pile up.  But its probably infection in your case as I bet your little titans are sprinting that 20 feet clad in Nike's, with teeny weeny little heart rate monitors on and doing it in record time....maybe they have a competition..MAYBE they have "The Sperlimpdicks" with champs like Cathy Foreskin and Porn Frazer and....oh sorry, where was I?

The cause of the infection are usually the same organisms that cause chlamydia (responsible for nearly 50%-60% of cases) and gonorrhea. The bacterial species are Chlamydia trachomatis and Neisseria gonorrhea respectively, this isn't to say you HAVE these STD's..unless you've had unprotected sex with Damits mum lately...its just the batcteria that forms both and are treated by strong antibiotics.

Some pics to help you understand -
(http://www.healthandphysicaleducationteacher.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/Male-Reproductive-System-3.gif)

I'm sorry...in order to give you the most accurate advice, I need to make this more applicable to you....tiny  :-\  (image fixed)  -

(http://i614.photobucket.com/albums/tt221/Chalice00/Male-Reproductive-System-3.gif)



There is a 3rd strain of bacteria - Chalmydia raginmongrelis, this is brought on by repeated masturbation to Chalmela and is sadly incurable -
(http://www.deathinc.com.au/gallery/541_23_03_10_9_41_56.jpeg)

As antibitoics are expensive and ultimately just an anti bacterial my recommended treatment is to fill a large vessel with dettol and masturbate with your "tiger" fully immersed in dettol..yes it stings,  yes the burning feeling is normal and the blistering is ok, ..but eventually the dettol will make its way down your urethra (cock) and attack those little bacterial bastards with zest.

As a trained medical proffesional I am obligated to warn you of some mild side effects that include the following -
* Pissing napalm for a week..no srsly..napalm, the dettol will mix with urine and sperm and shoot out a flammable sticky substance, you've been warned
* Voice will raise 19 octaves and be able to shatter glass at a single pronounced vowel as its so high and dogs will flock to you en masse and hump your legs clean off.
* Will exhibit a John Wayne type walk as touching your testies together feels like a chinese 1000 needles torture technique
* Possibly develop a type of super power where your cum will eat thru 5 ft of reinforced steel in seconds
* Your cock may begin to disolve from within
and you may get a runny nose


Things like that...nothing too extreme.

If it turns out that its not an infection and you DO have an STD, you need to tell your parents...They'll be shocked and horrified, but if it gets too bad just point at your sister or something and say "Blame her..she fuckin gave it to me!" ..that'll shut em up right fast.

So there ya have it, cause, effect, treatment...please note that if pain persists or you develop any of those side effects, blame your original GP..its not my fault!



Hope that helps,

Chalice M.D.







p.s. Some reference Material (That i wrote during my doctorate) for you to read - http://www.emedicinehealth.com/testicle_infection_epididymitis/article_em.htm

Also - Yakult (a japanese fermented milk drink found in any supermarket) promotes good bacteria in the intestines and some studies have shown it can prevent some intestinal diseases and bad bacterial build up, which is how you got it most likely via intestine, into bladder and from there..your prob......others say that Yakult is useless, but its been around for 20 years and its claim still holds..it would've been shut down if it didn't do something..check it out and try this as a preventer..having said that I've never had your prob and i'm 33, so it may not happen again..unless its chlamydia from Damits mum, then your fucked.   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yakult

Lol  :thumbup: for being honest  :-*

you spelt godess wrong Wombat!

Yakut sucks screwed up my bacteria I cant drink bulk milk ever since I tried it!

You can get russan astronaught bacteria though

Dear great an all knowing, all seeing and all fapping Chal.

While your previous advice was indeed free, it has so far failed to completely eradicate my problem.

While I initially had problems placing everything needed for a successful fap into a bowl of dettol, due to the unusually small size of the appendage (I prefer the term tic tac cock) and the need to use tweezers and magnifying glass, I eventually succeeded. (another handy side effect is that it has melted off my pubic hair, there was only one, brazilian for the ladies ;) and cleared up my crabs problem completely!)

The warnings about the blisters were infact correct, an added warning about avoiding puncturing them with my tweezers would have also been appreciated! However the napalm on demand has been a huge party favorite.

My main issue is that while the pain has subsided, it still remains. How long should i continue the dettol bath treatment, and is it ok for the blisters to have formed scabs and continually weep blood?

Ewww...

THAT WAS FUCKEN FUNNY CHAL +1

Chalmela bahahahaha!
You can save me any day!

This might offer some more insight into the disease.
http://www.news.com.au/weird-true-freaky/man-with-45kg-scrotum-needs-1m-surgery/story-e6frflri-1226170241658

Sadly its too late for this gentlemen to take Dr Chamala's Advice.