Death Inc

Dear Chalice:

My penis is very small and smells of prawns, my friend who I experiment with (NOT GAY!) says it makes him feel sick to suck it, but his penis is nice, I like to suck that. I know I cant make my penis bigger, but I want it to stop smelling of prawns, I shower every other day and spend 5minutes with a sponge doing vigorous rubbing untill my end is sore, but no it still smells.

help?

(ROFL +1)

Well Donut....I'm glad you asked.

Prawns by there very nature are quite smelly and virulent in that.  If you have developed prawnitis, which it sounds like you have, then the smell will linger for life.


But of course I do have some solutions to rid you of this odour, here's some ideas to help you on your way to scent free sucking -

1. I recommend finding out what scents your NOT GAY friend likes and use them!

For best application I recoomend vigorous thrusting as it will get right into the pores and down the eye of your dick...you know, the hard to reach places.

So if your friend likes pork, fuck a roasted pig..same with chicken, fish and any other animal. Reapply as needed.   I DONT recommend trying out a pine fresh solution like the car freshners have, as it will leave splinters and new car smell may get you into trouble at the car yard.  Bubblegum flavour is a goer but is hard to apply solo, so I recommend running up to a cute girl chewing gum and getting in and out real quick before the teeth come down in order to apply this scent.

2. Skin grafting - The problem is only skin deep SO, drink a bottle of tequila and using a sharp razer slice along the length of your shaft, peel away the skin and remove from base...now the hard part using any remaining tequila pour it over your exposed man meat to kill any bacteria.  Place the removed skin along your inner thigh and using it as a stencil remove appropriate amount of skin.  Super glue former penis skin onto thigh and glue former thigh skin onto penis.

Now only that one part of your inner thigh will smell like prawn and your penis will be thigh fresh.

3.  Maybe find a fisherman friend to suck your dick in a totally non gay way, they dont mind the smell of prawns?

There IS a 4th alternative IF you were gay..but clearly you're not..and that would be to go arse to mouth, then it will only taste and smell like shit...but as you said, not gay so thats obviously not an option here and to be disregarded.


Hope that helps,

Chalice

Gross, and your best work yet :/

Thanks for the advice chalice. My friend is a vegetarian (doesn't like to eat meat) so he won't like it if my dick tastes like pork or chicken. Skin grafting sounds painful and ass to mouth just sounds disgusting (and gay). maybe we can go on a fishing trip one day and bring some prawns for bait, and he won't notice the smell.
Thanks for the help

Donut if hes a vegie he won't go fishing with you...

PS. RUN AWAY LITTLE CHILDREN CHALICE HAS CANDY!!!!!!!!!

Strangers have the best candy ;D

*raises an eyebrow*...

This place just gets sicker and sicker...

This is your doing Virgil. You've been paying too little attention and let them figure out how to escape your gimp suits.

I reckon, that chalice guy is all sorts of fucked up

Yeah..what a nutter ;D

I just sprayed my drink across the, hilarious, nice one